Who I Am
by Chibiyu
Summary: Ten Years ago may seem like a long time...but it is longer when you lost your brother. Life turns dark instead of fun and games and you begin to realize that people change and life changes. But what if Nick is not as lost as he seems? JONAS-Complete
1. Prologue

**Koutai: **_I normally have a limit of three stories at one time, but this idea has been bugging me for about two months now and I need to write it!!!! __**AU**_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!_

_**Who I Am**_

_Summary: What started out as fun and games soon spiraled into an out of control life of dark forgettings. Souls were ripped from hearts and never mended from the one they all lost, and yet, is he really as lost as he seems? But ten years apart can really change a person..._

_**Prologue**_

* * *

_NICK'S POV__-10 YEARS AGO_

_Mommy and Joe and Kevin were in the park fields playing soccer and I wanted to play but Joe told me he did not want to me get hurt by the bigger kids. I am ok with that. I was just sitting on the bench, watching them and occasionally looking to the clouds, noticing a bunny shaped one and tapping my fingers to a beat only I could hear as I sang softly to myself, unaware that someone was listening. _

"Nick, honey, we are going to get ice cream from the ice cream truck. Ms. Lisy will watch you ok honey?" _My mom asked, trying to hold back a running Kevin and Joe. I nodded and smiled at Ms. Lisy, my sitter for the better part of three years. She smiled at me, but seemed preoccupied with something else. My mom ran off with Joe and Kevin, yelling at them to slow down._

_I sat on the bench, as silent as always, lost in my own world of music, awaiting my mother's return. Ms. Lisy suddenly screamed and collapsed, something red running down her neck. I ran over to her and saw she was not breathing and I stood their in shock, knowing that she was dead. I sat by her side, looking around, unable to fully understand what was happening so I just waited for mommy and my brothers to return. But they never did. _

_I waited for hours and rain started falling as I started crying, no one coming to my aid on the abandoned field. Thunder boomed and lightening flashed, only intensifying my fear. My heart beat faster than it ever has before as I yelled for Joe, Kevin, Mommy, anyone to come. I hated being alone an I felt abandoned. Was that it? Did Mommy hate me so much she just left me here? Did she really hate me? My cries increased to the speed of the hard rain and I forgot my fear and I only felt sad. _

_Then, the rain stopped hitting my cold face and someone pulled me close, trying to stop my shivering._

"Come on son, I'll keep you safe and warm. I will try and find your parents."

_I looked up with blurry eyes to the man that held me and saw his pleasant blue eyes starring carefully at Ms. Lisy and how he gazed so gently at me. But I knew I should never go with strangers but mommy wasn't coming to get me…and this man seemed nice enough and I really wanted to find mommy. I nodded to him. _

"I am Leon Grey."

"Nick." _I said, looking at where my mom disappeared, hours ago, hoping to see her running to me, but she was not._

"Well Nicholas, lets get you dry and safe. You have a beautiful voice by the way."

_He took my hand and I stood with him, thankfully for his kindness and warmth. I was 7 years old, cold and alone next to a dead body and had no hope of my mom coming back…what would you have done?_

* * *

_**JOE'S POV-Present**_

I sat on the very same bench I last saw my little brother on. That was ten years ago. My mom got held up by the police, unable to get back to Nick, because of a shooting and they assured her they would find him. But they didn't. His body was not found like Ms. Lisy's was, in fact, all that he left were bitter memories and his favorite translucent blue guitar pick that had a dark blue lightening bolt running through it.

I sat on my bed, unable and not wanting to let go of my little brother, who would now be 17, as I starred at the only picture I had of him. He was hugging me tightly on Christmas morning, and we both wore huge smiles and Stella was in the background, making a bunny ears on my head. I wished I could see him one more time, hear his voice, which would be so much deeper and mature now…in fact, if he was still alive, would I be able to recognize him?

* * *

**Koutai: **_Before anyone asks, no this is not based off of Snowfallxo's story Fireflies. I had this idea before she posted her story and I need to write it now. Until Next Update!!!_


	2. Where Has Hope Gone?

**Koutai: **_I normally have a limit of three stories at one time, but this idea has been bugging me for about two months now and I need to write it!!!! **AU …**Hope you all enjoy Chapter One!!!!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!_

* * *

**_JOE'S POV-Present_**

**I sat on the very same bench I last saw my little brother on. That was ten years ago. My mom got held up by the police, unable to get back to Nick, because of a shooting and they assured her they would find him. But they didn't. His body was not found like Ms. Lisy's was, in fact, all that he left were bitter memories and his favorite translucent blue guitar pick that had a dark blue lightening bolt running through it. **

**I sat on my bed, unable and not wanting to let go of my little brother, who would now be 17, as I starred at the only picture I had of him. He was hugging me tightly on Christmas morning, and we both wore huge smiles and Stella was in the background, making a bunny ears on my head. I wished I could see him one more time, hear his voice, which would be so much deeper and mature now…in fact, if he was still alive, would I be able to recognize him? **

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

It was about ten minutes to when Joe and I had to leave for school and I found him exactly where he was every single morning for the past 10 years; laying on his bed, starring at the picture of our dead brother, Nick.

"Joe, this has to stop. I miss him too, but he is gone. Kidnapped and I doubt he is still alive after 10 years. He probably doesn't even remember us; he was only 7 at the time."

Joe looked at me, his eyes sad and angry. "How could he forget his own brothers Kev? How can you accuse him of that and being dead?!? He is not dead! I know it…He can't be…" Joe put the picture down, rubbed his eyes and turned away from me.

I hated being the one to kill his hope but Nick can't be alive and if he was…he would be different, permanently changed, probably with only a blur of memory of his past before he was taken. I pulled Joe to his feet and out the door, ignoring the rain that fell like little hammers against my skull and drove to school silence, feeling sorry for the people I saw that walked to school.

I saw Macy running, Abby waltzing through the rain, and Harris walking uncaringly, not seeming to notice that is was raining. As we passed the park I saw one guy, leaning against the tree, arms drawn around him and his head was tilted up, his eyes closed as the rain drops fell onto his face and to me, it looked like the guy could have been crying. But when he opened his eyes, he was not. He pulled his black leather jacket tighter around him, ran fingers through his dark curls and walked away, not towards the school. Maybe he was home schooled?

"Kevin, green light." Joe said and I went, unable to stop thinking about that guy and the haunted look about him. But his life was not my problem, he can deal with it.

* * *

JOE'S POV

Why was Kevin so uptight about me letting go of Nick? Yes it has been ten years, but I know, deep within my heart, that out brother was alive, somehow and somewhere. I knew he would be different from the little kid I still saw him as, but I also knew he would remember us…he had to. And I would find him! Year number ten of searching is a lucky year…right?

Oh, who was I fooling? Kevin was right, Stella was right, even Macy told me to let him go! Nick can't still be alive and out there…but I wished with all of my heart that he was. Where has everyone's hope gone? Nick…if you are still out there…please give me a sign…I would do anything bro to see you again.

I met Kevin after school and we drove to the park, wanting to help Macy with her rollerblading and to just have fun. Fun…maybe a little of this will get my mind off of Nick. We walked into the wonderfully quiet green setting and a roar of anger cut through the calmness, causing the birds to take flight in fright and I wished I had wings so I could fly away with them. Kevin and I ran to the sound and hid behind a tree, watching a tall man with menacing ice blue eyes and a teen around 17, just standing there.

The teen had dark brown, almost black curly hair and dark chocolate eyes that looked cold and uncaring. He wore a simple white tee shirt, black skinny jeans and a black leather jacket and he examined his nails, ignoring the man in front of him.

The man was tall, maybe 6 feet 7 inches, had sandy blond hair, scary eyes, and a long scar from his left eye to his chin. He stood, enraged as he towered over the ignorant teen.

"You little brat." He spat, raising his fist and striking the teen hard in the stomach, causing him to double over in pain and hiss. The man grabbed a fistful of his curls and pulled him up so he was facing him, no pain showing in the teens face or eyes as he glared with diamond cutting meanness to his father. "How I ever got stuck with a son like you…" The man sneered and he threw the teen away, causing him to stumble and the man stormed off, leaving the teen to brush off his shirt and pants like nothing ever happened and to pick up his abandoned guitar.

"Whatever ass-hole." We heard him whisper as he started walking away.

Macy could wait.

"Hey!" I said walking up to him and he turned around, looking at me with an expression that said 'why is this punk talking to me?' "I'm Joe and this is my brother Kevin."

"So?" He said, raising his eye brows to me and I saw the way his eyes lacked a certain sparkle and how it looked like his eye was swollen a bit from a fight. His voice was cold and mean, but I did not back down. I did not know why I was talking to this teen, he seemed like trouble but he also seemed alone and hurt. But why do I even care?

He rolled his eyes at me silence and ran a few steps before jumping from a side of a tree to another tree's branch, where he promptly sat and started strumming a few chords.

"Aren't you going to tell us your name?" I called to him and Kevin tried to get me to move one.

The teen looked down at me confused. "And why would I do that Joseph Lucas?" He asked rudely.

"Because I want to know…and how do you know my last name?" I retorted and I saw a shadow of a smirk cross his face.

He stopped strumming for a second and looked thoughtful. "No, if I tell you, you will never leave." He simple said, and started strumming again, this time closing his eyes and adding his voice.

Conspiracy theory  
Better keep it down  
'cause the walls are thin  
and the word is out now  
Like it or Leave it  
don't cha make a sound  
'cause the walls are thin  
and the word is out now

It's better that you didn't know  
better that they didn't show  
Us Why

Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real

This Time

Conspiracy theory

Gonna make you shake  
Don't hit the breaks

No time to waste now

Like it or Leave it

Better hit the road

Cause the world as we know it

Gonna Fade away now

Better that you didn't know  
Better that they didn't show  
Us Why

Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real

This Time

Yeah!

Conspiracy theory

Conspiracy theory

Oh!

Yow! Oh oh! Woo-hoo!

Conspiracy theory

Gonna make you shake  
Don't hit the breaks

No time to waste now

Like it or Leave it

Better hit the road

Cause the world as we know it

Gonna Fade away now

Better that you didn't know  
Better that they didn't show  
Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real

This Time

I noticed the way he got into his music, his head bobbed a bit and his expression changed with every note he sang and I knew he would be great onstage as long as he was in his world of music.

"You still here?" He asked, glancing at me without a care, strumming a different song.

"I'm not leaving until I get your name." I informed him and he sighed, leaning his head against the tree trunk, his eyes closed again as a softer melody flowed from his fingers, but he did not sing. I could practically see the words he was thinking though from his soft expression and when he opened his eyes again and he looked calmer.

"It's Nick." He said, not looking to me. "I don't want to carry on my father's last name of Grey, so it's Nick, Nick Jonas, but you may know me as Nate Grey just as I know you as Joe Lucas. Now leave." I noted the irritation in his voice at his last sentence but I was too caught in shock at his name. Could it be?

"Nick…" I whispered and he raised his eyebrows down to me.

"What?" He shot down and I shook my head and walked away.

I know Nick would be changed when I finally found him, but that was just too rude, cold and dark to be my brother. It was just a coincidence he had the same name. It had to be.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Finally those idiots were gone. Well the older looking one was silent, so I was ok with him, but the chatter box…I wanted to knock all of his teeth out. Why couldn't have he just left me alone to my internal night I lived in? I didn't need to spill my soul to anyone, especially not to him. I went far enough with telling him my name and if I never saw him again, I wouldn't complain. Now it was just me and my music, like it always has been since I was adopted at age eight. _

_Though I don't really remember what happened, Leon told me my mother had died when I was at the park at the age of 7. I remember his kindness to me before he adopted me and I came to love him. But that all changed when I grew up from the adorable kid that did anything for his 'daddy.' I wanted my own life now and I wanted to keep the money my voice and talent made, not give it to that jerk. But no, I was broke, beaten and hated now because I had a mind of my own. Oh kill me now for not wanting to be a freaking slave!_

_But this was my life and it has been for about…I don't know about 7 years now. And to make matters worse, he was sending me to a public school tomorrow because I made it my goal to get kicked out of the snotty rich kid school he put me into. In fact, it was my life to ruin his plans for me…and a damn terrible life it was. _

_Whatever. I lived it and personally, I liked to live so who was I to complain? It's not like Leon would go to the extreme and actually kill his money making star under the alias of Nate Grey. It was really cool to have thousands of fans screaming my name and yes, I had a bit of a swelled head about it, but they seemed to love it so it's cool. Its not like I do drugs or have sex with every girl I see, no I just have a bit of a rebel streak to my name. But whatever, I could afford to…until I got home that is. _

_Let's see, my daily routine, walk in the park, go home and get hit, write a few songs, walk in park, go home and get hit, get girlfriends and dump her and then go home and get kicked, go to bed. I finally jumped down from the tree, watching my beat up black Converse hit the ground with a soft thud. Time to go home and get hit because I did not feel like getting a girl at the moment and then dumping her when I find out that she was a bad kisser. But then again, getting hit wasn't my favorite thing to do either…but right now where could I go but home?_

_I started walking, head up, eyes sharp and glaring at anyone who dared look my way, fan or not. I heard some squeals of excitement and rolled my eyes, shooting three giggling girls my intense gaze and they all held their hearts and smiled at me, begging Nate Grey to sing but I shook my head at them and they looked so disappointed so I dug out three extra guitar picks from my pocket and walked over to them, hugged them each and slipped them the pick. _

_I pulled my large and dark shades from off the neck of my shirt and flipped them on before walking away, not wanting to be noticed again as whom I was not. When I rounded the corner of the exit of the park, I saw that annoying boy looking my way, and soon the older one and a petite brunette were starring at my slow strut from the park and to my overly large house. I knew they were talking about me, but being the number one teen star in the world, I was used to it. Let them talk, gossip, spread rumors. It can't be worse than what awaits me at home. _

_I slowly walked to the huge entrance of my house after five minutes of speed walking to avoid fans, and hesitantly opened the door and took of my shades, not wanting to get cut when they break from my 'father's' blows. I looked up and was not surprised to see him standing in front of me, his fingers in fists. But I let no fear show in my face, but that was only because I felt none. I've been through this whole thing over a million times so I knew what would happen and I knew the pain that would follow, but luckily, I knew a few ways to rid myself of the pain. _

"You have one last chance Nicholas and I may go easy on you." _He sneered, his voice so cold that any normal person would be shivering from fright. _

"No I will not sing at a bar for a bunch of hookers looking to get laid." _I told him, my voice monotone and bored and he growled in anger but I did not care. _

_His fist collided with my neck, light enough to keep me alive, but hard enough to send my into a lung racking coughing fit. He did not give me the chance to struggle to regain breath as he hit me in the stomach, harder than he ever has before and I let out an involuntary scream as my knuckles tightened into lethal fists. But fighting back got me nowhere; I learned that the hard way. It was actually easier for me to just take it and retreat to my room later. He kicked the exposed small of my back and I crashed to the floor, eyes watering from the fire that burned beneath my skin as well as in my heart. _

"I would sue you if you were legal." _He told me, laughing lightly as I got into a decent and technically upright position._

"In one year when I am, I will be out of this house and your life faster than you can blink and it will be I suing you for ruining my life." _I retorted, earning a smack on the back of my head. _

"You won't be going anywhere Grey…count on it."

_That is what he thinks. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I watched him leave and wanted to follow him, so I did with Macy and Kevin on my tail. I watched him stop briefly at a door of a fancy house and let himself in.

"Why are we following Nate Grey?" Macy inquired.

I looked at her in shock. "You know him?"

She shook her head. "Not personally, thankfully, but I know his music. He is the number one teen star in the world, how do you, being the Lucas Brother's, not know about him? You are number two to him and have been for three years! His real name is Nick Grey." She told us.

I shrugged and Kevin put his fingers to his lips as we heard a pained scream come from the house Nick went into. A few moments later, a window broke and Nick burst through it, narrowly dodging what looked like a vase. He turned and we saw blood running down his exposed arms from the glass.

"GO TO HELL!" He yelled before running off, his back still to us and I could have sworn to have heard muffled sobs escape from his mouth.

* * *

**Koutai: **_Yes it is one of these stories…don't judge me…in real life I am a nice sweet person that would not harm a fly…and yet I can write this stuff…I am messed up. Until Next Update!_


	3. Tears of a Star

**Koutai: **_I normally have a limit of three stories at one time, but this idea has been bugging me for about two months now and I need to write it!!!! **AU …**Hope you all enjoy Chapter One!!!!_

**_I CHANGED THE STORY NAME SO IT FIT BETER SO SORRY ABOUTS THAT!!!!!_**

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!_

_ ()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**JOE'S POV**_

"**Why are we following Nate Grey?" Macy inquired.**

**I looked at her in shock. "You know him?" **

**She shook her head. "Not personally, thankfully, but I know his music. He is the number one teen star in the world, how do you, being the Lucas Brother's, not know about him? You are number two to him and have been for three years! His real name is Nick Grey." She told us.**

**I shrugged and Kevin put his fingers to his lips as we heard a pained scream come from the house Nick went into. A few moments later, a window broke and Nick burst through it, narrowly dodging what looked like a vase. He turned and we saw blood running down his exposed arms from the glass. **

**"GO TO HELL!" He yelled before running off, his back still to us and I could have sworn to have heard muffled sobs escape from his mouth. **

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

We watched him run and after a split second we decided to put all of our rollerblades on a follow him. But he was fast; he ran without slowing and jumped over three fences, and we had to go around and we almost lost him two times and when he ran into a small clump of trees I saw him do his ninja jump from tree to tree and land on a large branch about fifty feet in the air.

I could barely see him pull his knees to his chest and his shoulders shake with sobs I could not see or hear. I saw his exposed arms were covered in scars and the occasional bruise and I knew Kevin and Macy saw them too. We watched him lift his head to the sky and let out a terrible, anger filled howl that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He went on, seeming never needing to breathe and when he finally stopped he slammed his fists against the tree and scraped up bark and torn his hands but he did not give them a second glance, like he was too used to a petty sting to care.

I looked to Kevin and Macy and they nodded to me, lifting me up onto the lowest branch were I could climb up until I was on his branch, enduring his glare.

"What!?!" He asked very coldly and rudely, his eyes glistening in unshed tears and flaring in fires of anger. I said nothing, not wanting to put him off and yet, wanting to say something but I had no idea what to say to this big headed teen star. "Go away!" He ordered, his voice starting to shake a bit, but from anger or sorrow I knew not.

"What did your dad do to you?" I asked him quite softly and he tensed glaring at me again and breathing hard from running and pale from anger and fear.

"Nothing I did not see coming." He said, standing on the branch and kicking up bark with his black Converse and I was afraid he would fall because his hands are shoved into his pockets and not being used for his balance.

"Did he…make those scars?" I asked him, meaning the ones on his paler than normal arms.

He did not answer but his face said it all.

"How can you do that to yourself?" I stood to, a bit unsteady and I grabbed his arm, and if he jerked it away I would fall. But he just starred at my hand and was tensed from the sudden contact. He did not loosen up but he did look away and he remained silent.

"Please just talk to me…" I begged him and he glanced sideways at me, his eyes uncertain and filled with memories he obviously didn't like.

"Just leave me alone Joe, it will be less pain for you. Just leave." He pleaded, his gaze looking tearful.

But I shook my head and gently released his arm. "Nick Grey, Nate Grey, two names, two lives."

"And I hate them both." He told me and he looked over the branches and down to Macy and Kevin. "You're lucky Joe." He told me before jumping down and grabbing one branch to slow his fall. He walked right pass Kevin and Macy, not meeting their gaze and put on his sunglasses, head down and hands in pocket. There goes one messed up guy.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Why did Joe care so much about me, some guy he just met? Its not like I was a long lost brother or friend of his, I was just some jerk teen star. Someone no one truly cared about. In fact, my fans only loved who I was not and I wanted someone to love me for whom I am and yet, even in a song, no one understands. _

_There was no way I was going home yet so I walked back into my favorite and always empty clearing of the park; the abandoned soccer fields. I sat and pulled a pair of tweezers from my pocket and picked out the glass in my pain without letting out one grunt of pain. I was too used to this whole procedure to feel any physical pain, but the mental one was the kind that would be the death of me. _

_Once all of the glass was out, I just watched my arm bleed with mild interest as I wonder how many drops of blood I have spilled over these harsh seven years. Probably more than one human body had to offer. I've been exposed to more pain, curses and heartbreak than any ten people have ever endured or even had to endure. I watched my blood stain the yellow grass red and I watched the sun lower in the sky and I went to sit on an old and decrepit bench. That was when it happened, when I sat, looking at the field. _

**_A women that had my eyes and hair and two young boys were playing soccer amongst other boys and I just watched them get knocked over and laugh it out as they stood u and waved over to me. In the blue sky there was a cloud shaped like a bunny and I heard a soft kid voice, my voice, singing a song from Peter Pan. _**

**_The women ran over to me, holding onto to very excited little boys._**

**"Nick, honey, we are going to get ice cream from the ice cream truck. Ms. Lisy will watch you ok honey?" **

_I blinked and I returned to present day, unable to comprehend what I saw witnessed. I saw my mom and what could have been my brothers, who were killed on that very same day. Tears that had threatened to overspill from my eyes finally fell as I remembered what I was too young then to understand. The last time saw my mom and even now, in this memory, her face was a blur, only her eyes and dark hair were the only things I could clearly see. And the two boys were fogged so badly I could not identify even their hair colors. _

_I leaned back against the bench and let my tears fall for another minute before stopping them completely, a useful trick I've learned over the past years. I watched the sun start to set and with a sigh, I walked home, hoping my 'father' was too drunk to notice my entrance; but needless to say, I would be going to school tomorrow with a few more bruises on my skin and another shatter in my heart. _

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

All through the night and the next morning bugged Joe about what Nick Grey had told him, but Joe was curiously silent and closed on the subject.

As we walked into our first hour I asked him, "Why do you even care?"

He looked at me, his eyes hard and mad. "Why don't you?"

We sat down next to each other because in Language Arts, any grade level was accepted into any class so Joe went up to my level. For the next three minutes we were silent and the bell rang, our teacher walking in and leaving the door open which was odd because we had the loudest and most giggly girl filled class in school.

"Today class, I would like to introduce a new student that I am sure you all will know, but please treat him like you do the Lucas Brothers." She motioned to the door and a guy walked in with the coolest Horris Mantis uniform I have ever seen and I almost did not recognize him…in fact I didn't until a girl squealed.

"Oh my Grey! It's Nate Grey!!!!" The whole class erupted in shouts of excitement and Nick's eyes looked bored as he examined every face and he stopped on mine, Macy's and Joe's, his eyes widening slightly.

"Actually, my real name is Nick." He told the class, his quiet voice instantly stopping the chatter and the girls blushed and he rolled his eyes, shoved his hands in his pockets and looked to the teacher.

"Nick, you can sit right next to Ali, in the back there." She told him and pointed out the seat which so happened to be right behind Joe and I and he nodded and walked over, dropped his bag and sat, not looking at the breathless girl next to him.

"Alright, everyone I need you to write a poem about abuse or being used for the assembly tomorrow. The winner's will be read and published and no, the Lucas's and Nick will have no star treatment." Our teacher informed us and I watched Nick pull out a black notebook and a black pencil and start to write with no hesitation.

After ten minutes we were told to share and I glanced back to see Nick alone and still writing, the girls were all in a corner, whispering about how hot he was. Nick sighed and ran his fingers through his dark curls and looked up at my gaze.

"Hey. Need a partner?" I asked him and he looked at my empty notebook and smirked.

"No but you need ideas." He retorted his voice calm and joking. Though his eyes were still dead, I saw a different person than yesterday, or maybe he was just acting.

He passed his notebook to me and leaned back tapping his fingers to a drum beat only he could hear. I looked down and read;

_Vesper's Goodbye  
By Nick Grey_

_All of you  
Has shaped me into what I am  
carried out the bitter man  
did you have a master plan?  
Oh, no_

Somewhere, I  
Let all my defenses down  
And never thought to turn around  
And you did not make a sound

See it turning red  
Like a bullet through the chest  
Lay me down to rest  
It's a _lover's__ final breath_

I found out  
Nothing comes without a cost  
And life is just a game we lost  
Did you have a better thought?  
Oh, no

Now you're gone  
Nothing's ever felt so wrong  
A moment seems to last so long  
Do you have a fear so strong?

_See it turning red  
Like a bullet through the chest  
Lay me down to rest  
It's a __lover's__ final breath_

Now I die

_Kiss__ your tender lips goodbye  
And pray to God who hears my cry_

I looked up to Nick in genuine shock at the amazing words and he glanced down at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Wow. Do you write your own songs?" I asked him, already knowing the answer before he nodded. "This is amazing. Is it a song?" Again he nodded. "What instrument is the main?"

"Piano." He answered. "I play all of the instruments when I record and my father takes care of the band on stage, but its all me with the songs, melody and recording. It's my thing." He told me, snatching the notebook back. "Now yours." He said looking at my empty notebook and smirking. "Ok, you are a famous pop star, behind me, and you can't even write a poem? That is what a song is, basically, just with music."

I looked at him oddly and I knew he spoke the truth. "I've never experienced any of those things before, believe it or not." I informed him and he looked impressed but also skeptical.

"And I've never been in love and yet my love songs beat yours every time."

Point made and taken. I starred down at the blank paper and thought hard.

"Stop thinking and let your pencil make the words from the music around you." Nick told me and I looked to see his eyes closed, a lyric down on a new piece of paper. "Its easy if you just let go and enter the world of music."

Who knew such a jerk could be so poetic? In fact…this was the first conversation I've ever had with him, so why did I just label him as a jerk? He looked over to the giggling girls and his gaze intensified and a smaller than microscopic smile formed on his lips and the girls dissolved into fits of giggles and when he looked at me again, the look was gone but he rolled his eyes in a way that told me he has done that a few too may times. But I saw the way his eyes sparkled when he looked at his fans, so I knew he did not mind it too much.

"What?" he asked me, getting a defensive and closed demeanor and I smiled and gestured towards his fans.

"You know how to handle them, one look and they explode." I told him and he nodded, looking out the window, his face void of expression.

The bell rang and he left with the fan girls tailing him and Joe and I were left in the empty classroom. I did not see him again until lunch, when he was playing his guitar, eyes closed and moving with the chords, lost in the world of music. He sang unheard words and his fans surrounded the glass and we rolled our eyes, heading towards the table were Stella and Macy sat.

"Nate…I mean Nick Grey is not normal." Stella told us, looking at him. "He is a genius and a jerk, a teen star that loves his music more than anything, and a loner. I have him in my second hour history and he answered all of the questions correctly without even opening his history book!"

Macy joined in. "I know, I have him third hour gym and he is so competitive and athletic. He beat me in track, ping pong and basket ball. All three sports we played today and yet he isn't looking to join a sports team…and he is HOT shirtless, he has like a six pack and muscles…even more than you Joe!"

I looked at her in surprise, "Wait, you saw him shirtless?"

She nodded. "Yeah, all of his scars are sad, but he told us it was the price for having amazing fans…I mean you guys have scars too right?"

Kevin and I nodded but all of us knew we did not have nearly as much as Nick had and I knew that he probably had more that we would never see.

"Did you guys know he is a diabetic?" May asked and we looked at her in shock. "In gym, Coach yelled at him for wearing his dog tag and I heard him explain it all to the coach and how he never takes it off, even when he is on stage."

I looked over to Nick, thinking how his life just kept on going from bad to worse and for the first time, I noticed a silver chain around his neck and the dog tag was hidden under his uniform. He looked at his watch and pulled something out of his pocket and pricked his finger, ignoring everything around him and he scowled when he saw the number and opened his water bottle for a drink. He finally looked at the screaming fans around him and sighed, realizing he was trapped in there. He shrugged and continued playing, getting lost once again in his music and I stood up on my seat.

"Ladies!" I yelled to them and they all turned to look at me. "Yes he may be the famous Nate Grey, but accept him like you have us and leave him alone. Or at least don't mob him wherever he goes. He is a normal person, just like you so treat him with respect!" The girls all looked at each other and dispersed and I met Nick's questioning and thankful gaze and I nodded at him and sat down. Joe patted me on the back and Macy smiled at me and Stella clapped.

Nick walked out of the atrium and over to me. "Thanks for that."

I smiled at him. "No problem. I'm Kevin by the way." I said holding out my hand and he looked at it for a second before shaking it.

"Want to sit with us until next bell Nick?" Macy kindly asked and Nick looked at his golden watch and shook his head.

"Thanks but I have to go call my father." He said, walking away and I noticed the hostility the word 'father' had when he spoke it. We watched him until he rounded the corner and I looked to Macy and shrugged.

"He is strange, that's for sure." I told her and she nodded in agreement.

If only we knew he was crying in the bathroom with a new scar in his wrist after the one call.

* * *

**Koutai: **_Action will come next chapter. I promise. Until Next Update!_


	4. After Hours

**Koutai: **_Hi all! This story is hard to write for some reason…I know what to write…but I find it hard to write it…my heart breaks with Nick's after every single paragraph of pain…but that won't stop me!_

_And please review? Support and advice are greatly appreciated!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!...unfortunately for me, but good for them. _

* * *

**I smiled at him. "No problem. I'm Kevin by the way." I said holding out my hand and he looked at it for a second before shaking it. **

**"Want to sit with us until next bell Nick?" Macy kindly asked and Nick looked at his golden watch and shook his head. **

**"Thanks but I have to go call my father." He said, walking away and I noticed the hostility the word 'father' had when he spoke it. We watched him until he rounded the corner and I looked to Macy and shrugged. **

**"He is strange, that's for sure." I told her and she nodded in agreement. **

**If only we knew he was crying in the bathroom with a new scar in his wrist after the one call.**

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

Nick walked back in our view, a scowl on his face and the bell rang and instantly the halls were crowded with people, so I did not get the chance to talk to him. But much to my surprise…and shock…I walked into my advanced Calculus…worst class ever…and there he was, sitting in the seat next to mine and writing absentmindedly, his scowl gone, but his eyes showing his slight frustration.

"Hey stranger." I said to him as I sat down in my normal seat.

He glanced over and nodded before writing again, ignoring everyone's presence and excitement of him being here. Mr. Kinder handed out worksheets and spoke to him for a minute and Nick said something that made our teacher smile before walking away and I looked down at the paper…crap…time for another headache.

When I was done with question two, I saw Nick, leaning back in his chair, starring at the ceiling, bored and I looked down to see his paper completely done and he showed his work neatly and everything. Stella wasn't exaggerating when she said he was a genius.

"Class, what is the answer to number four?" Mr. Kinder randomly asked and no one answered. "Let's see, Horris, what did you get?"

Horris looked terrified. "Umm…Pie times x over the radius squared?"

Mr. Kinder nodded and smiled. "Number five?" His gaze went to Nick, who was now doodling out of boredom.

"Mr. Grey." He called and Nick did not even look at his paper.

"3 times x over R squared plus 17." His tone very bored and yet confident.

"Excellent." The teacher praised and I looked at Nick with incredulity and he looked back.

"What? I like math." He shrugged and continued his doodles, which looked kind of cool.

After that, he helped me through the worksheet and the homework, making me do the work, but talking me through the steps until I understood it all. And a minute to the bell, I was trying to understand him, but I just couldn't. It was like he was three different people; the guy in love with music, the genius, and the jerk. But who was he really? Which one of the three, or were they all just cover ups for something else?

………

After school we saw Nick walk up to a waiting limo and climb in without a backwards glance to us, his fans, or the school. Stella, Macy, Kevin and I climbed into Kevin's car and we drove home, dropping them off.

"If he doesn't want the attention, then he shouldn't be in a limo." Macy told us before getting out of the car and we agreed and went home. But just as we got out, we saw Nick's limo pass us and a door opened an Nick jumped out of it, shooting the driver the bird and running across the street and stuffing IPod headphones into his ears and he walked off, not even acknowledging us and I glanced at Kevin and shook my head.

"He needs a clue." I told him and Kevin nodded, watching Nick walked and dance a bit to the beat of his music, and we noticed he was walking away from the direction of his house. Kevin started walking up after him and he turned into the park, getting mobbed by fans, but he jumped on a bench and started dancing to the beat, a smirk on his face and sunglasses covering his eyes.

"Very superstitious,  
Writing's on the wall,  
Very superstitious,  
Ladders bout' to fall,  
Thirteen month old baby,  
Broke the lookin' glass  
Seven years of bad luck,  
The good things in your past

When you believe in things  
That you don't understand,  
Then you suffer,  
Superstition aint the way

Hey

Very superstitious,  
Wash your face and hands,  
Rid me of the problem,  
Do all that you can,  
Keep me in a daydream,  
Keep me goin' strong,  
You don't wanna save me,  
Sad is the soul

When you believe in things  
That you don't understand,  
Then you suffer,  
Superstition ain't the way,  
Yeah, yeah

Very superstitious,  
Nothin' more to say,  
Very superstitious,  
The devil's on his way,  
Thirteen month old baby,  
Broke the lookin' glass,  
Seven years of bad luck,  
Good things in your past

When you believe in things  
That you don't understand,  
Then you suffer,  
Superstition ain't the way,  
No, no, no"

I'll admit, he was quite good and his had rhythm, that's for sure and he knew how to entertain as he played air guitar and drums, lost in his own world of music, the only time I've ever seen a smile on his face and the fans applauded and begged for more as he bowed. He looked at them and picked a new song on his IPod and started bobbing to a faster tune, and his rhythm and dancing were not hindered by the quicker tempo.

"Here is new song for you all, I wrote it last week. Enjoy!" He said before unplugging his IPod headphones and turning it to an impossible loud volume and I am guessing he had it custom made or something.

"She's seductive, she does it well  
She'll charge you by the hour  
for a straight trip down to Hell  
She'll correct you, when you think you know  
She's gonna let you go

I'm not a lover, but I'm still concerned  
That when you touch the fire that your heart can still get burned  
I should you warn you that I know She's gonna let me go, she's gonna let me go

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency

I pledge allegiance to the cause  
She'll tell you that she's leaving if you don't put your life on pause  
Just gonna tell you that you'll need it  
She'll surprise you, when you think you know  
She's gonna let you go, she's gonna let you go

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency

I its hard when life's unfair  
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't care  
Show me the way to reach your heart  
Where do I start?

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency"

He smiled at the fans and his expression darkened and he scowled as a man, his dad, pushed through the fans and stood in front of him.

"Ok ladies, Nate has to save his voice to record for his tour, starting NEXT WEEK!!!"

The girls screamed in excitement and booed at 'Nate' leaving them.

"Come on father, we're only having fun." Nick said to his dad and his dad scowled and Nick deflated under his piercing gaze.

"No. You were supposed to be home recording today, right after school and yet you defy me again and run off!"

Nick crossed his arms. "It was for my fans." He answered smoothly and the fans, sensing the tense atmosphere said their goodbyes and ran off until only Nick, Kevin, his dad and I stayed, only Kevin and I were hidden behind bushes.

Nick's dad pulled him roughly down from the bench and hit him hard on the back of the head and Nick took off his sunglasses, nonchalantly and glared so intensely at his dad that even I flinched.

"Defy me again you asswipe, I dare you." His dad sneered, no joking in his hate filled blue eyes.

Nick sighed, put his thumbs in his pockets and it looked like he was holding back so many insults right now that he had to bite his tongue from stopping saying them.

"That's better and you've avoided punishment…for now. Now, come!" His dad barked, like he was talking to a dog instead of his son and Nick pursued his lips and put his sunglasses back on a followed his dad, three steps exactly behind him.

Kevin and I couldn't be the only people who knew about this…could we be? Should we tell someone or would that get Nick into more trouble with his father? And the last thing we wanted to do was to force more pain into Nick's life, as impossible that seemed.

I looked to Kevin, uncertain about what to do and he shook his head at me, telling me silently that it was not our place to interfere. But I wish it was…I hated seeing people do things like that to other people…I hated seeing the deadness in Nick's eyes when he wasn't playing his music; his one escape.

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

It wasn't that I did not care about Nick's abusive father; it was just that I did not want to make Nick's life worse than it already was, and I knew that would be a very easy thing to do, with one wrong move, one mistake.

The next day at school, we saw Nick walk in, his limo drive off, attracting attention, and I saw the lack of life in his eyes. It was like he was a walking zombie and Joe looked at him as well. He exclaimed and I saw what he did, disgust, anger and pity rising in my throat at the bruise on his left cheek.

"Do you now what today is Kevin?" He asked me sadly and randomly after Nick vanished in the school.

"September 16th?" I asked and then it hit me. "Nick's death day."

Joe nodded. "10 years to the day, officially now…I wish I could clearly remember his face, voice…I don't even remember his birthday Kev."

I nodded, having forgotten it years ago throughout the sadness of the loss. "I wonder what is bringing Nick down though…not our brother…Nick Grey. He seemed…I don't know…dead."Joe looked thoughtful and shrugged getting out of the car and walking into the school.

Nick did not even say one word this morning in first hour and when I greeted him, he did not look up. I fact, I doubt he heard me. He seemed distant and out of it and I hoped it wasn't his father's doing. Joe, Macy, Stella and I watched him closely all day and according to out findings, he only spoke he teachers called on him to answer a difficult question. He did not sing, play his guitar, or even pick up a pencil to write a new song. Maybe this was a side effect of diabetes or something, I mean, how would I know? Joe followed him after school, as an extra precaution, as he put it and I allowed for it, hoping he would be able to break through the hard outer shell of Nick Grey.

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I followed him through the park as he headed home and was about to run up to talk to him when a little girl, around the age of five ran a few feet in front of him, fell and scraped her knee. She started crying, but no mom or dad came to her rescue. Nick ran up to her and started talking softly to her.

"Hey sweetie. My name's Nick. I'm going to help you ok?" He asked his voice low and caring, perfect for a young girl.

The girl, still in tears, nodded. "I'm Amanda." She told him.

"It's nice to meet you Amanda." He smiled at her and she smiled back as Nick pulled a band aid from his coat pocket and put it over her scrape and kissed the top of it. When he lifted his head, he wiped off her tears with his thumbs and Amanda's smile grew, as well as my own as we both gazed into Nick's soft eyes.

"Is that better?" He asked her and she nodded, amazed. He laughed. "My kisses have healing powers." He told her, his eyes wide and he put his fingers to his lips, like it was a secret and Amanda's eyes widened and she mimicked him and he ruffled her hair and took her hand, helping her stand while he remained kneeling.

"Amanda! Are you ok baby?!?" Asked a worried woman who was running up to her daughter and Nick.

Amanda smiled at her mom and walked over and Nick stood up to greet the mom.

"I'm ok mommy. Nick fixed my knee with his magic kisses." Amanda covered her mouth at her words and looked horrified at Nick.

"It's alright sweetie." He told her and he laughed lightly as he gazed into her bright face.

The mom walked over to him. "How can I thank you? I was on the phone and she ran off and I was so worried when I heard her crying. Thank you so much. I'm Diane. "

"It's not a problem. I'm Nick and your daughter is beautiful. Take good care of her." He told the confused mom, who nodded and Nick knelt to Amanda. "Take care of your mom sweetie." Amanda nodded and hugged him, getting lost in Nick's arms and he pulled away and the two ran off, Amanda running towards the swings and waving goodbye to Nick.

I walked up to him and I saw the look of longing in his eyes as he watched Diane push a laughing Amanda and he sighed, trying to hide the fact his eyes had tears as he walked on, ignoring me. He stopped in an empty path and looked to the sky.

"Have you ever lost someone close to you Joe?" He asked, out of the blue and judging by his tone, he thought I had not.

"Yes…my little brother. He was taken 10 years ago and we still don't have any idea if he is alive. His name was Nick."

Nick turned to me, his eyes filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry." He simply told me and he leaned against a tree, taking deep calming breaths.

"What is up with you today?" I questioned, hoping he would open up.

"Why do you care?" He shot at me, his eyes filled with accumulated moisture and anger and distress.

I walked up to him and leaned against the tree next to him. "Because it is obviously hurting you." He sat down, pulling his knees to his chest and embracing them and I mimicked him. "You did great with Amanda." I told him, hoping to break the tension.

He shrugged and I waited. "Today…September 16th...is my 17th birthday…and also the death day of my parents, two brothers, best friend, and grandparents, step mom, and my adoption. You could say I had a lot to remember today."

I looked over to him, not knowing he lost so much in just one day. "When and how?" I asked, almost too quiet too hear.

"10 years ago my mother and brothers were shot and killed in a robbery, my dad and best friend were on the way to my old house and a semi hit their car, and my grandparents died in a fire that claimed the lives of seven others. 9 years ago, I was adopted by Leon Grey and Emile Grey and 8 years ago, Emile died. 7 years ago, I became famous."

"That's rough." That was all I could say. I was speechless by the suffering he has been forced to endure in his life, and as a young kid! No one deserved that kind of pain, especially a seven year old. "So…Amanda?" I asked, hoping he understood.

"No kid deserves to grow up alone and unloved. It's not fun and it is avoidable. No kid should grow up as fast as I had too. Amanda was hurt and alone…what would you have done?"

"NICHOLAS!" A man's voice yelled and I saw Nick close his eyes and bang his head against the tree trunk. His dad ran into view and saw us both sitting and he ran over to us, bursting with news. "Great news! Guess who your opening band is?!?!"

Nick looked at him, no interest in his eyes. "Do I get any say in the matter who I have to date for the tour?"

His dad glared at him, but not as harshly as I had seen before. "You will date her if you like her. It's Demi Lovato. The number four artist." He jumped with fake excitement.

"Joy." Nick said, eyes still closed and head tilted up to the sky, his jerk and hard core demeanor back and the moment of…whatever that was, was long gone and out of his face and eyes. His dad rolled his eyes and walked away, shooting me a look that said 'Get away from him or die.' But I wasn't good at following rules and or threats.

"So, you really are going on tour next week, just as you started school again?" I inquired and he shrugged.

"I am too smart for that school anyway. I'm not three points shy of a genius for nothing." He stood up and took a long and deep breath. "Thanks for listening before Joe…no one has ever cared enough to listen to me before." He walked away before I could respond.

Who was this guy…? What was he hiding underneath the skin?

* * *

**Koutai: **_I waited to post this and I know I promised action but I wasn't able to add it in…next chapter for sure! It's not too boring is it? Until Next Update!_


	5. Tears of Blood

**Koutai: **_Hi all! WARNING A LOT OF FOUL LANGUAGE AND EVILNESS!!!! READ IF YOU DARE AND I AM SERIOUS THIS IS HEAVY STUFF!_

_And please review? Support and advice are greatly appreciated!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!...unfortunately for me, but VERY GOOD for them. _

* * *

_**JOE'S POV**_

"**Joy." Nick said, eyes still closed and head tilted up to the sky, his jerk and hard core demeanor back and the moment of…whatever that was, was long gone and out of his face and eyes. His dad rolled his eyes and walked away, shooting me a look that said 'Get away from him or die.' But I wasn't good at following rules and or threats. **

"**So, you really are going on tour next week, just as you started school again?" I inquired and he shrugged.**

"**I am too smart for that school anyway. I'm not three points shy of a genius for nothing." He stood up and took a long and deep breath. "Thanks for listening before Joe…no one has ever cared enough to listen to me before." He walked away before I could respond. **

**Who was this guy…? What was he hiding underneath the skin? **

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

Joe walked in, a thoughtful look on his face, which caused me to do a double take. Joe never had a thoughtful look on his face…NEVER!

"I spoke with Nick…and…I think…" I started and I sat down next to him.

"What do you think?" I asked him.

Joe shook his head and looked to the ceiling. "He was so depressed today, his 17th birthday, because this is the anniversary of all of his families death and the day he was adopted by that horrible man."

I whistled, no wonder he was so down today. Joe's phone rang and he picked it up.

"Hey Stell, look I can't talk right now. I'll call you later, ok?" He said and after a second he hung up and I looked at him in confusion. "I have too much going through my head right now." He explained and I nodded and stood, dragging Joe back out the door as he questioned my actions.

"We are taking a walk…its good to clear a head and to talk." I told him and he smiled and rolled his eyes, understanding that I did not want Frankie to listen in, like he was into doing right now.

We walked, talking about school, Stella and Macy, remembering our little brother; that kind of stuff and we stopped outside of Nick's giant four story house, noting how weird it was that there was no fence, or fans crowded around the door. We were about to walk on when we heard a loud crash from inside the seemingly deserted house and we looked around in fright, noticing the entire street was empty.

A minute of silence and then a loud and terrible scream tore through the sunset, and Joe and I ran close to the house and hid behind trees, both of us exchanging glances as the scream stopped and all was silent. About twenty minutes later…according to Joe's screwed up watch, the door opened and Nick's dad strutted out, looking quite happy and he got into his car and drove off. We waited thirty seconds before going to the door and finding it unlocked. We searched the whole house and on the fourth floor, we heard muffled whimpering from inside a room with a closed door.

We cautiously opened the door, me first and I gasped in shock and disgust ad my hand went to my mouth to hide the sobs that I held down. I wished Joe was not here. But he was and he poked his head in and retreated, his face filled with horror and was green and I looked at him, tears falling from both of our eyes from the sick sight in the room in front of us.

I walked in and again saw Nick, forehead against the wall, hands bound to the pull up bar above him and feet tied together, his whole naked body covered in bruises and scars, both old and new and sobs racked through his gagged mouth. How could that…I don't even have a name for him…his own son…how could he?

I walked slowly over to him and touched his shoulder very gently and he instantly shied away from my touch, eyes still closed and his crying increased from the simple touch.

"Oh my god…" Joe whispered as his mind finally accepted what he had been denying.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_He left me hanging here, unable to move or even to make the pathetic whimper that rose in my throat and was held back by the gag. I could take the physical and mental abuse; I have now for 7 years, but this? He finally found the only way to break me beyond repair, he finally went that distance. He found the one threat and punishment I would forever fear and that would leave me on my knees, begging for his mercy as a sobbing wreck. _

_He, the one for ten years I have called my father, left me helpless after his torture, while he went out to get drunk and where he would return to find me here, with the pleasure of seeing me beg for his forgiveness and mercy. _

_I felt a cold hand gently touch my shoulder and I did not register the soft "oh my god," in fact, I only fear the basic touch brought into my heart, thinking that the Bastard was back to finish me. I finally snapped, digging into my last reserve of will power and I screamed through the rag, kicking with my bound feet and felt a deep satisfaction rise in my chest as I caught the ass hole in chest. Tears fell from my eyes and I shouted insults that would turn Mother Theresa into and axe murderer, but the effect was ruined by the rag that gagged me. I closed my eyes and sobbed, all of my fighting spirit gone as the hand went to the back of my head. _

_I did not register the gag coming off someone pulling up my underwear after undoing the tape from my ankle and the unknown hands whose touch I hated, undid my wrists very carefully and I feel to my knees, unable to stand. All I could do was sob like an idiot baby, not caring how pathetic I looked and sounded. _

"Nick…"_ Someone whispered and again toughed my shoulder and again I snapped, wanting, needing to be alone and hidden from the cruel world, to finally die from the torture I had to withstand. I pushed the person away and put all of my anger, pain, and sorrow into my voice and I sounded unstable and panicked, which I was. _

_I screamed to the figures something I have said a lot in my short life;_ "GO TO HELL!"

_I ran out of his room and slammed the door to mine, never more thankful for the lock on my door and the connected bathroom. I ran into the bathroom, closed the door, after grabbing a fresh pair of clothes and ignored the frantic pounding on my door, hoping he forgot about the kept he had put on top of my door frame as I did. I turned on the shower as a cover up and because I felt dirty and violated, but I knew one shower would never be enough to cleanse my personal and I would never be truly pure again. _

_Another sob escaped my throat as I avoided looking at myself in the mirror and with shaky hands, I pulled out my best friend for five years, my savoir; my knife. I entered the shower were I was unable to hear the pounding at my door, my own sobs and hard breathing, and the slight click of my lock coming undone. I pressed my silver friend to my left arm, needing the promised release it would bring with my blood. I watched the water turn red and the release was there, but it was not enough, my heart still ached and I was still a mess. I switched my friend's edge to the other arm watched as the whole shower floor became red instead of white and mix with the rain my eyes produced. I moved the knife to my inner thigh, still suffering from the pain and fear, but I couldn't make the cut. I always knew when I was about to go too far and this was over doing it. But I needed it…I needed it all to end, knowing full well I would only experience this over and over if I allowed myself to live. _

_I put the knife down, contemplating as I tried to clean my tainted and used body, but to no avail. _But what point was there for me to live? Everything in my life was a lie and a disappointment. Everyone I loved was dead and gone, so why not just end this and join them? _When I went to school today, I knew this would be another bad birthday, but I never could have guessed it would be the worst one I remember having. _

_I turned off the shower and dried off, got dressed in my fresh clothes and tried to recompose myself, my eyes ever leaving the knife as I still considered using it. Would it be worth it? I starred at the two new scars on my arms and thought about it as I leaned against the counter, forgetting my pain for a moment to the thoughts of the sweet ending. _

_I picked up the knife and admired the way the light reflected off of its blade. 'Do you love me enough to end me?' I asked it silently and it remained silent, like it always did. As an answer, my arm raised until the blade rested on my left wrist. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy my last breath, but all I could think about was the hurt I lived through for the past 7 years. _

_But before I could push down and drag the knife to break my skin, a hand grabbed my own and pried the knife from my grip while I remained frozen, eyes still closed, from the fear the burning cold touch brought and the memories I had been holding back flooded into my mind. _

_**Flashback**_

_** I walked into my house and my father grabbed me by the back of the neck and forced me into his room, whispering he had a birthday gift for me. My heart had never beat faster with fear than it has when he locked the door, but I let none of the mind blanking terror show on my face as I regarded him with a glare. He laughed and grabbed his bedside lamp and chucked it at my head, but I dodged, not even fazed by the sudden attack and the ear spilling crash behind me as the lamp exploded on the wall. He knocked my feet out from under me and I fell but caught myself before I hit the ground. But that was exactly what he wanted me to do. **_

_**While my hands were occupied, much to my horror and panic strike mind, he undid my pants and pulled them off in under a second, making sure to touch everything. I pulled out of his grip, reacting with full out panic and fear as I tried to run, but he caught me and hit me hard in the face and kneed me in the stomach, using the opening to cut my shirt off with his bedside knife. By this time, I was sobbing out of fear and complete realization of what he was going to do to me. **_

_**I tried to get away and I fought, but he was too strong and he overpowered me easily, binding my ankles and arms with duck tape and I finally found my voice, screaming bloody murder, hoping someone, anyone, would hear and come to my rescue…but no one did. Again, I was alone to face this. He laughed as he gagged me with part of my torn shirt, tying it tightly around my head and he raised my arms and aped them to his pull up bar in his room. **_

_**Tears fell in a cascade of rain, silent, but seen and he chuckled at how scared and helpless I was. I was his, his trophy, his slave. I was powerless. I was alone. I was about to be raped. **_

_**There was no where his cold hands did not stray and no inch of me was spared from being tainted and becoming unholy. He tore the purity from my soul as well as from my finger and he made sure I screamed through the gag in pain and fear as I begged from him to stop, but he did not. My will, my soul, my light left as he…**_

_**End…I ain't writing s.e.x…or rape in detail. **_

_ For the first time, I looked up with open eyes into the face of the person who held my hand with an iron grip, ready to yell, to kill. I held my tongue as I looked into the eyes of who I thought was my fucking whore of a 'father.' _

"Nick…don't..." _The boy in front of me begged and I focused onto the faces of Joe and Kevin, Joe in front of me, holding my wrist and Kevin holding the knife. How and why were they here?_

_I starred at them, not able to form words through my shock deadened tongue and Joe released my hand and a sliver of relief came from the loss of contact. But he brought it to my shoulder and I flinched away, even form the most comforting gesture. I couldn't take it…never again could I be touched by fans, kissed by a girl, or ever exchange a hand shake without bile rising in my throat and pain stabbing through my heart as memories of 30 minutes ago resurfaced. I did not even know I was crying until Kevin raised his arm and wiped away a stray tear but I flinched violently and took a step back, avoiding all contact and I scared the two brothers as I felt _his _hands where theirs used to lay. _

"Nick…you have to tell the police…" _Kevin told me, trying to force calmness into his urgent and shaken voice. _

"No." _I said, rather forcefully, finally finding my tongue. _"Don't tell anyone! Nothing will change."

"But…" _Joe started._

"NOTHING WILL CHANGE!" _I screamed at them, having already put faith into the police system and watch my slippery tongued snake of a father talk his way out and I ended up with a broken arm and a concussion. Needless to say, I did not want to repeat that and I knew if the police got involved again, I would be in more trouble and pain than I was now. _

"Nick, you can't keep this a secret!" _I did not bother to identify the brother that was trying to tell me to do something they knew nothing about. _

"Yes, we can. If we tell…Why do think I'd rather end my life than tell?" _I snarled at them and before they had an answer, I ran out of my room, slid down the stair railing down from the fourth floor to the first and ran out the door. Not bothering to check if I was being followed as my eyes rained again, but this time, it was not of tears, but of blood. _

* * *

**Koutai: **_No he wasn't literally crying blood…creepy. I cannot believe I wrote this and I am so glad my teacher did not read it like she has with my other stories when I write at school. Until Next update…if I still have fans and FYI, I am living in my awesome shelter described in my profile so I don't die. _

_The whole wrist thing is that if you cut deep enough, you will sever nerves and that stuff, but it bleeds a lot and quickly. You would lose to much blood and die…that and cutting throats freaks me out. _


	6. Back Off

**Koutai: **_Hi all! WARNING A LOT OF FOUL LANGUAGE AND EVILNESS!!!! Lol. Silver again has helped me out of a minor slump. She is awesome!_

_And please review? Support and advice are greatly appreciated!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!...unfortunately for me, but VERY GOOD for them. _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()(poor)__**Nick's POV**_

"**NOTHING WILL CHANGE!" **_**I screamed at them, having already put faith into the police system and watch my slippery tongued snake of a father talk his way out and I ended up with a broken arm and a concussion. Needless to say, I did not want to repeat that and I knew if the police got involved again, I would be in more trouble and pain than I was now. **_

"**Nick, you can't keep this a secret!" **_**I did not bother to identify the brother that was trying to tell me to do something they knew nothing about. **_

"**Yes, we can. If we tell…Why do think I'd rather end my life than tell?" **_**I snarled at them and before they had an answer, I ran out of my room, slid down the stair railing down from the fourth floor to the first and ran out the door. Not bothering to check if I was being followed as my eyes rained again, but this time, it was not of tears, but of blood. **_

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

Kevin would not let me slide down the stair rail like Nick had done and when we got outside, there was no sign of him and I doubted we would ever find him in the fading twilight. We both were silent, unable to find anything to say that summed up what we just experienced…what Nick actually suffered from. And yet he did not want us to tell…why? It could end all of his pain…or worsen it.

"We have to tell." Kevin whispered as he closed Nick's house door and starring into the distance. "We can't let him live like this."

I felt the same way but telling felt wrong without Nick's permission. "Wait Kev. Maybe he did not want us to tell because he told before and it backfired. Maybe it will do more harm than good." Whoever thought that I would be the one to say something somewhat wise?

Kevin pursed his lips a bit. "We can't keep this a secret." He said, frustration edging up in his voice.

"We have too." I told him, sadness hanging heavily on my words, knowing that we were helpless until Nick opened up to us, to everyone.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I ran so fast that the wind couldn't catch me and I passed fans so quickly they did not even notice me. I ran to be alone, to think, to mask, to cry. A __dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. So what of a suffering youth? Must one suffer until death or is there a way out I have not found yet? But right now, suicide still seemed like the better two evils…life was just too hard to remain, especially since I have nothing to live for. _

_*I felt the sting of the cuts disappear and with the loss of that distraction, the full wave of pain hit me, forcing everything that happened back into my head. It was as if I was reliving it all and I felt my knees collapse underneath me and then my tortured body hit the ground. Pathetic as it was, I just couldn't find the strength to get up, so I settled for watering the earth with my tears._

The hits, the yells, the insults, the pain; it all replayed, making me go through it all over again. Thoughts of how it could have been, if my loved-ones hadn't died exactly ten years ago. Thoughts of how it could have ended, how it still could end right now.

With another wave of pain and shock, I realized Kevin still held my knife, my silent brother in this life. I felt lost without it and naked; more naked than hanging on the stupid pole, without the easy way out. Maybe I wanted my father to find me, maybe, if I really pissed him off, he would do the job for me and spare myself the weight of the deed. My eyes rained and my heart screamed, feeling the touches and the mistreatments all over my body as I laid here, feeling like so small on this planet earth; but if I was so miniscule, how could my pain be so big?* _**written by silvereyed angel**_

_Would anyone care for me like my knife has? Would my father find it in his black hole of a heart to end it or would he keep me alive to suffer through the stupid tour? He had the money, he had the control, and he had the greed. He would want more…the only way my life would end was by my own hand, not by that greedy bastards. _

_My hand found the grass and I watched it pull up and destroy its life and I wished it was that easy to do the same to me. I wished Joe and Kevin; those interfering annoying idiots, would have never found me. I would have gotten down by myself eventually, and perhaps I might be gone from this world now. I heard small footsteps run up to me and a small figure knelt in front to of me and I quickly stopped my tears and wiped them before looking up into a face I never thought I would see again. _

"Why is Nick crying?" _Amanda asked me as I sat up and looked at her in confusion. _

"Why are you out so late?" _I countered with another question and Amanda smiled. _

"My mommy let me stay in the park for a long time!" _She exclaimed, forgetting the fact that I had been crying. _

"Where is your mommy?" _I asked her and she pointed over her shoulder and I saw her back turned to us, phone to her ear. I was glad she missed this scene. _

"You shouldn't run off from her, it's not safe." _I scolded her softly and Amanda looked at me in surprise. _"Stay by your mom's side. How will you take care of her if you keep running off?"

_Amanda laughed and took my hand, missing the way I flinched from her feather soft touch as she tugged me to my feet and dragged me over to her mom, even though I would rather run and never look back. Her mom got off the phone and looked around, her eyes settling on us, relief in them. _

"Amanda, don't run off like that sweet pea. Hello, Nick was it?" _She asked, holding out her hand, which I took and I hoped none of my night's trauma showed on my face. _

"Yes Diane. Nice to see you again." _I lied and she smiled but her eyes lingered on my redder than normal ones and she pursed her lips and glanced at Amanda. _

"Are you ok?" _She asked me quietly and I shrugged. _

"I got into a huge fight with my dad…he sometimes lets his anger drive me from the house." _I told her, hiding most of the truth but telling it to her in a way that was not entirely a lie. _

"Do you need a place to stay tonight? We can throw your clothes into the wash for you so they will be fresh tomorrow." _She told me, as though begging me to accept and how could I say no? It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go. _

"I'd like that. Thank you." _Diane smiled and nodded, taking Amanda's hand and Amanda took mine and I bit down a flinch, but I knew Diane saw the hidden action. _

_We walked for about five minutes until coming to a nice house, two stories and Diane unlocked the door, holding it open for Amanda and me. Once we tucked Amanda into her bed, Diane gave me a large, long sleeved tee and her ex boyfriend's sweat pants to sleep in as she took my dirty school uniform that was clean about an hour ago, and put it in the washing machine. When I was changed, I saw her sitting on the couch, her eyes filled with questions and I braced myself for an interrogation, something I had seen coming. _

"Nick…please sit." _She requested nicely and I sat next to her, holding back the longing that rose in my chest as I thought back to one of the last memories I had of my mother, asking me to do the same thing. _

_I remained silent and she sighed. _"Is there anything I should know about Nick?" _She inquired, just like a mother should and again, I was forced to hold back tears from my own loss. _"This afternoon, I suspected something was wrong and now I know it. Please tell me. I can help."

_I looked over to her, her kind green eyes pleading with me to let her in, to receive help and I sighed. _"This afternoon…I was down because on this very same day, ten years ago, I lost everyone in my family to tragic accidents and my mom and two brothers to a murder in a robbery. My father, my adoptive father, on this day, eight years ago, his wife died and he blames me for it because today is my birthday. We never get along on September 16th." _I told her the small part of my story, knowing I would never reveal to her, or anyone, the true extent of the horror's I've faced throughout my life. _

_Diane looked at me sadly and with empathy. _"I lost my father a few years ago and my mother died from the sadness. I know what it is like to be an orphan and to have…misunderstandings with the adopters. If you ever need somewhere to go, this house can be that place."

_I looked at her and I knew she saw my tears but she was tactful and did not acknowledge them as she got up, took my hand gently, like a mother to her son, and led me into the guest bedroom, thanking me for talking to her and I was thanking her for letting me stay. _

_I sat on the bed as she closed the door, knowing I would be unable to sleep. But I put my head on the pillow and burrowed under the warn covers, starring up at the ceiling, stopping all thoughts and memories and holding back the pain, not wanting to break down when someone could walk in, and before I knew it, my eyes drifted closed and darkness embraced me. _

……

_I sat up in bed, sweating and panting, my hand going to my heart as tears fell swiftly from my eyes. I leaned against the wall next to the bed and took a few deeps breaths, trying to stop the visions of my nightmare, of him, of my dead mother and brothers, of Amanda lying in a pool of blood and of me, unable to end it and unable to reach my knife, no matter how far I stretched. I wish I had it now, it was such a comfort to me to know that the one thing that could help was always close, but tonight, I had no idea where it was and I had little to no hope of ever seeing it again. _

_I got up, unable to sit still and walked to the door but before I opened it fully, quiet voices reached me ears. _

"No…Jason…stop, I left you because of this! Stop! No!" _Diane's voice and sounded and I heard her sob as a guy voice, to low for me to make out, answered her and I heard the sound of skin meeting skin and I lost it, running through the door and into the kitchen, where Diane stood, pushed against the counter as she sobbed quietly and the guy forced himself close to her and was taking off her clothes. _

_I snapped, feeling all of my anger and hate to my own father rush into my heart as I rushed into the kitchen, pulling the guy roughly off of her and pulling his arm behind his back as my other hand grabbed the conveniently placed duck tape which I forced over his mouth. He would not do to her as my father has done to me. _

_He spun from my grip as I told Diane to call the police and she nodded and ran to get the phone, her concerned and fearful eyes never leaving me. He hit me hard across the face, something I was quite used to and I hit him right back and let me tell you; it felt good. He kicked my legs, but I did not go down Instead I grabbed his raised foot and kicked the under side of his leg and he jerked it away, his eyes aflame. He tried to grab my neck, but I caught his hand and kneed him in the stomach and as he bent over in pain, I forced him around and down, holding his hands behind his back as I sat on his back, breathing hard and righteous anger still pumping through my veins, fueling my adrenaline. _

_Diane came to my side and bound his hands and feet with the tape and hesitantly put a hand on my back, her eyes wide with shock and worry and…thanks? _

"You…why were you up?" _She asked, probably afraid they woke me and possibly Amanda._

"Nightmare." _I answered my voice low and filled with animosity as the guy beneath me squirmed. _

_We watched him in silence and my breathing returned to normal and the rush wore off until I could barley keep my eyes open, but I had to stay awake for Diane, at least until this scumbag was long gone. _

"How can I thank you?" _Diane asked, breaking the silence._

"You already have by letting me stay here tonight. Consider it a debt repaid." _I told her, unable to keep the exhaustion from my voice and the guy struggled again, but we all knew he would be going nowhere but to jail. _

_The police came ten minutes later and took him from the floor and into the police car, asking Diane questions the whole time and I sat on the couch while she answered, fighting the urge to slip into dreams. They asked her why I, the famous Nate Grey was here and she explained that I had a less than cordial encounter with my dad and needed a place to cool off. And she also told them that she had no idea I was famous. _

_After the police left, she sat by my side and we silently enjoyed each other's company before she sent me back to bed, saying I had school and needed to be awake for it. So, against my wishes, I left her alone and fell back into bed, asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. _

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

Joe and I got up and ready for school and drove to it and when we got out, we saw Nick walking up to the doors, no flashy limo, no sunglasses and a small smile on his face as he turned around, his eyes glancing over us and stopped on a blue van, in which a little girl was waving out the window to him. His smile grew slightly as he waved back and turned into the school, greeted by his usual hoard of fans, a smile still on his face.

Joe and I ran up to him, and I noted how light his eyes looked, but I still saw a hint of darkness in them.

"Hey Captain Happy." Joe greeted him and Nick looked over his shoulder and regarded him.

"Hey." Was all he said before opening his locker and taking a book out.

"Are you ok?" I asked him and Joe hit the back of my head and I forgot we discussed not asking him this because no one in their right mind would be ok after last night.

Nick shrugged, not missing Joe's hit and I saw the way his eyes darkened when he watched it occur, but he did nothing and turned his attention back to the locker.

"You guys are ruining my image by hanging around me." He joked as some girls took pictures. "Actually, you are probably ruining yours." He closed his locker and looked up at us, like he was expecting us to speak.

"Why was Amanda here?" Joe asked him and Nick looked at him, surprised.

"I ran into her mom." He shrugged, avoiding the question and leaving me in confusion and I glanced helpless at Joe how whispered he would tell me later.

We stood in silence for a moment, Nick's eyes flicking back and forth from both of our faces and he blinked once before turning and walking away, just as a hand went to my shoulder and Joe turned to hug Stella. Macy walked out from around me, saying sorry she grabbed me because she tripped and I told her it was ok.

"He seems…better…today." Macy stated, referring to Nick who was at the end of the hallway, talking to a very pretty fan, who was obviously trying to flirt with him. But he shook his and he told her something and walked on and the girl pursed her lips and walked passed us, saying she would not give up.

"You're right Mace. I wonder what happened to him last night?"

Nothing you would ever want to know Stella…

* * *

**Koutai: **_Had this idea literally an hour ago (at about 8 pm 1/21/10)…I liked Amanda too much to have her gone. Until Next Update!_


	7. Silent Cracks

**Koutai: **_Hi all! WARNING A LOT OF EVILNESS!!!! The first TWO lines are from the song "In The End" by Nick Jonas and the Administration. _

_And please review? Support and advice are greatly appreciated!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR ITS SONGS!!!!...unfortunately for me, but VERY VERY VERY AMAZING for them. _

* * *

_**KEVIN'S POV**_

**We stood in silence for a moment, Nick's eyes flicking back and forth from both of our faces and he blinked once before turning and walking away, just as a hand went to my shoulder and Joe turned to hug Stella. Macy walked out from around me, saying sorry she grabbed me because she tripped and I told her it was ok. **

"**He seems…better…today." Macy stated, referring to Nick who was at the end of the hallway, talking to a very pretty fan, who was obviously trying to flirt with him. But he shook his and he told her something and walked on and the girl pursed her lips and walked passed us, saying she would not give up. **

"**You're right Mace. I wonder what happened to him last night?"**

**Nothing you would ever want to know Stella…**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_When you don't have a friend, you don't know who you can trust and now you're stuck on the wrong side of the fence. It all comes back to haunt you in the end. A lone bird landed unsteadily outside the cold window I was starring out of and it hopped around, holding its wing in a strange position. A bird without a broken wing cannot fly, though try as they may, they will never get more than a few feet of the ground. In many ways, I was like that bird, unable to fly towards freedom and happiness; tethered to this earth by the chains I call my pain. _

_Noise erupted all around me as people entered the class, but to me, all was silent in my dead and shattered heart, as well as the black hole of my soul. My head was far from silent though; thoughts raced and filled every corner, thoughts of Amanda and Diane and of last night and this morning. _

_**Flashback**_

_**I waited by the door as Diane walked down and saw me, air guitar in hand and all ready to go and she smiled. But the action was troubled and haunted and I walked over to her. **_

"**Who was that guy last night?" **_**I asked her lightly, hoping she would open up to me as I sort of did to her. **_

_**She sighed and looked at the stairs for Amanda before answering. **_**"He was my ex and Amanda's and…Julia's…father."**

"**Julia?" **_**I inquired, fearing the answer I already knew.**_

"**She was killed by him when she was 5 and Amanda was two. Amanda doesn't remember her sister and I want to keep it that way. She's already been through so much…" **

_**I nodded, understanding exactly how she felt. I told no one but two people about losing my entire family, and one of them was standing in front of me, holding back tears. She reached out and put her hand very gently on my shoulder, but I flinched and she saw it, her eyes filed with knowing. **_

"**That is why you protected me last night…you've endured it as well." **_**Her tone was neither hostile nor accusing, but I avoided answering.**_

_**Amanda ran downstairs and we went to Diane's van as she drove us off to my school and Amanda's morning day care. **_

_**End**_

_As much as I wanted to tell Diane everything, I just couldn't. Her knowing would put her in a dangerous position with my father and he would not hesitate to kill her. She was so nice and caring and yet I had to push her away, for her own safety, as well as Amanda's…I can't allow myself to get close to anyone…out of fear. _

_But it was her own damn fault anyway! She should have stayed the hell out of my life and protected her daughter better so I wouldn't have to worry about the little five year old. She should have a security system for that ass hole of an ex and if she had kept Julia by her side, like my own mother should have done with me, none of the shit that has happened to her would have happened!_

_I felt tears coming through my happy disguise and I forced them down. No, it wasn't her fault…I was taking out all of my anger I held in from my own mother leaving me while she and my brothers got killed, my 'father' from abusing me every single day and the hate of myself, I was forcing it onto her; the one person who cared enough to show little acts of kindness and the one person who could understand. _

_But still…it would have been better for her life if she had never met me…Never cared…_

"Nick? Dude, you in there?" _Kevin's voice drifted through the barriers of thoughts I enforced and I blinked once and turned to him, noting class will start in two minutes. _

"Sorry. I was thinking." _I told him, my gaze going back to the hopping bird before I turned my whole body forward, to face his worried gaze. _

"You must think loudly. I've been trying to get your attention for two minutes." _He told me with no exaggeration on his face or in his voice. _

"Not surprising." _I told him. _"Consider yourself lucky you actually are talking to me now."

_Kevin smirked, but it didn't reach his eyes and Joe came over as the fans sat down, determined to catch my troubled gaze. I sighed, pulled out my binder and ran my fingers through my curls, watching the ones above my eyes bounce back; feigning interest, buying time of solitude until the bell rang, signaling the start of first class. _

"Hey Nick…what no happy face now?" _Joe playfully asked and I rolled my eyes, shooting him a not so nice glare and he looked strangely at me before turning forward and passing a note to Kevin. But I could read it easily. _

_**What's biting his butt? **__It read and Kevin wrote under it;_

_**I don't know…give you three guess. **__He shot Joe a sarcastic look and rolled his eyes. _

"You both have atrocious handwriting." _I informed them, just as the bell rang and they both jumped, looked to me, and then to the note, which was right in my path of vision. Needless to say, they both bowed their heads in embarrassment as the teacher walked in a passed out the play "Twelfth Night," by Shakespeare. But I read it three times already so I was going to be bored. Thirty minutes of silent reading were given so I acted like I was reading, when really, my mind went back to the thoughts Kevin interrupted me from. _

_Diane…Amanda…two individuals who were so pure and did not deserve the pain this cruel world has inflicted upon them. Me being with them would ultimately bring them more pain, so it was crucial for me to vanish from their lives and the tour could do just that…I never thought I would be thankful for my father's bad planning skills. My father…_

_Just thinking about him brought a wave of nausea and my heart throbbed as it pulsed evenly and again I found myself wishing it would be still so I was free. But I knew, no matter how hard I prayed, no matter how much I wished; I would never be free. Forever I was a slave, to endure whatever my father threw at me, to follow each and every one of his orders, to be a puppet. I thought I was strong, but I guess not. I thought I was smart, but I knew now I was not. _

_I looked down to the play and the word 'die' popped out at me and it brought thoughts and restricted memories, all because of three simple letters. Die…the only way to escape life is to die, but with it comes a terrible price; the sadness of others. _

_Did my mom, dad, friend, or brothers think of me as they passed? Did they wish they would live on and be with me? They all left me alone and abandoned on that one fall night, all thinking I would have someone, anyone in the family to look after me as they passed, but no. I was left alone, orphaned and unloved. Leon never loved me, he only loved the money I brought him._

_I blinked away tears as I turned to page of the play, my eyes slowing scanning the page in an act of reading. Mommy…what did I care that is sounded juvenile? No one but me was in my head and she was what I yearned for the most. Diane brought these memories back to the surface with the kindness she showed me and how she treated me like a son. Every time I saw her, I thought of my own mother… who was now six feet under and surely dust in her coffin. _

_I saw her, when I was five or six, bending over me and telling me how unique I was and how she loved me, how glad she was that I was her little boy. I saw my brothers running around, playing tag while I sat and sang quietly, not wanting to join in their game and glad I did not when they broke a vase. I remembered them picking me up after I fell to a bullies fist on the playground one day and I remembered them getting suspended for fighting back for me. _

_But my memories were unclear and I could not identify one feature on any of their faces They were lost in time and I wondered, when I was twenty, if I even would be able to remember the fact I had two brothers, because now, I don't even know their names. _

_I thought unintentionally back to the orphanage where I spent three long months before Leon finally took me in. I was happy, at the time, to find someone who cared enough to pick me and who told me of my parents and families fate. I cried on his shoulder until I fell asleep. I grew up fast and Leon changed. But last night…it was different, unbearable, a new level of pain. It was the same kind of heartbreak I felt when he told me my parents were dead and gone and then he enlisted me into that stupid orphanage. _

_Mommy, daddy…everything was taken from me…everything…my family, friends, heart, virginity, and sanity…it was all gone…thanks to him._

_I turned the page again._

_Silent cracks began to appear on the armor I placed around my heart and I felt all of the emotions I forced behind it threaten to flow over…but not here…not where everyone can see. _

_I stood up and got the bathroom pass and walked out, aware that Joe and Kevin's stares were following my every movement. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I watched Nick leave the room, seeing the war of emotions behind his eyes as he walked out, and I could have sworn to saw the glittering only tears could bring. I stood up and walked to the teachers desk and she gave me the other bathroom pass and whispered to me to please talk to Nick, for she was worried and I nodded, assuring her that was my plan all along and she smiled and sent me on my way. I loved Ms. Morrison.

I reached the bathroom and silently opened and closed the door, and I saw Nick, leaning against the back wall, eyes closed, taking deep and calming breaths and I also saw the solitary tear that clung to his cheek. I walked over to him and his eyes snapped open at the sound of my footsteps, instantly defensive and closed off, his eyes hard and daring me to question him.

I put my hands in the air in a gesture of peace, but he did not lower his guard, nor did his hostility level drop. I leaned on the wall next to him and he eyed me warily, raising his hand to his hair and smoothly wiping the tear off in the motion.

"What do you want?" He asked rudely and the temperature in the bathroom seemed to lower about ten degrees.

I remained silent and just looked at him, hoping he would use me to vent his held in rage. He crossed his arms, his eyes murderous as he took a deep breath, which did nothing for him.

"Stop it." He told me, his voice uncomfortable. "Stop looking at me like that!" He yelled prying himself from the wall and turning to face me, his eyes filled with a mix of fear, animosity and sorrow. "Go away!" He begged me, but I remained still and silent, keeping my face void of emotions, though I knew my eyes were soft and caring.

A single tear escaped Nick's eye and he ignored it. "I don't need you! Leave me the hell alone!" Anger that once dominated his voice turned to grief and exhaustion as he closed his eyes and turned his head down and to the side, clenching his fists and a sob escaped his throat.

I stood up and walked over to him, pulling him in a hug so his forehead rested on my shoulder and he tensed and flinched and tried to pull back and away from the touch he so rightly feared, but I wouldn't let him go. After ten seconds, he gave up his escape attempts and froze, sobbing very quietly into my shoulder. I started rubbing his back, very softly, and his sobs increased at the simple movement, but he remained immobile as a statue, like he was not sure what to do in an embrace, and like he was ashamed to be crying.

We stayed like this for a grand total of twenty seconds before he surprised me by roughly pushing me away and he walked into the nearest stall and locked it. Not a sound was heard and I was about to cal out to him when I heard footsteps approaching so to convince bystanders, I went to the sink and turned it on. Nick walked out of the stall and walked to the third sink from mine, his face composed and not even a hint of redness in his eyes. It was like a minute ago never happened. The door opened and Nick stiffened to the man in the reflection and I turned around with him, coming face to face with his dad.

"Nicholas, go get your stuff. Ms. Lovato came early and we need to start rehearsing. Your note for your teacher." He stiffly held out a pink note for Nick, who walked over and took it without a word and walked out of the bathroom, glancing at me as though begging for help.

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

It was three minutes later when Nick came back, handed a pink note to his teacher and gathered his stuff before he walked towards the door and stopped, letting Joe in. Joe looked pale and Nick looked closed…I wonder what happened? Nick glanced over to me, sensing my gaze and his eyes seemed to be gilled with hidden fear and a plea for help, for an end. What the heck happened in those three minutes?!?!

Joe sat back down and started writing and he passed me the note, aware that Ms. Morrison was watching, but not with anger, but interest and acceptance. She was the best teacher ever! I bent over and read it, hiding it even though Nick's eyes were not here to see it.

**His dad came to pick him up for 'rehearsing' with Demi. I don't know if that is true or not…I'm scared for him. **

I picked up my pencil and wrote back, trying to make my handwriting less bad…Nick's words, though joke they may have been, were true.

**I don't know either and I am afraid too. After school let's swing by his house.**

Joe read the note and bit his lip, unsure.

**I don't know his dad could punish him for it. **

I shook my head.

**We are the Lucas Brother's; he will be thrilled…what if we offer to record a song with Nick? Our management has been bugging us about recording with another artist to boost publicity…**

Joe looked thoughtful and he nodded determination in his eyes. We would protect Nick as well as we could…if he wanted it or not…and something told me he did not.

"Boys, stop passing notes…texting is the rage now." Ms. Morrison told us with a smile as she walked pass our desk.

Did I mention that she is the awesomest teacher ever?

* * *

**Koutai: **_I really shouldn't be writing this story so much but it is so much fun to write! Until Next Update!_


	8. Hearts Downfall

**Koutai: **_Hi all! The first TWO lines are from the song "In The End" by Nick Jonas and the Administration. _

_And please review? Support and advice are greatly appreciated!_

_A lot of music this chapter so sorry abouts that!_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!...unfortunately for me, but VERY VERY VERY AMAZING for them. _

* * *

_**KEVIN'S POV**_

_**We are the Lucas Brother's; he will be thrilled…what if we offer to record a song with Nick? Our management has been bugging us about recording with another artist to boost publicity…**_

**Joe looked thoughtful and he nodded determination in his eyes. We would protect Nick as well as we could…if he wanted it or not…and something told me he did not. **

"**Boys, stop passing notes…texting is the rage now." Ms. Morrison told us with a smile as she walked pass our desk. **

**Did I mention that she is the awesomest teacher ever?**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Heart break is the one kind of pain that no one can ever get used too, no can ever fully heal. No matter what you do, how many tears you shed, how much drops of blood fall, the pain never leaves. It stays with you in a cold ache that stabs your heart with a dagger every time you have the courage to take another breath. But one more breath, no matter how hard I hoped, never brought warmth, love or light into the everlasting frozen night that held my soul. _

_But part of that was my fault; I did not let anyone in deep enough to help me. I never showed anyone the true extent of my scarring, physically and mentally. No one knew so therefore, no one could help. It wasn't that I did not want the help, it was just that I had lost the ability to trust others over the lonely and harsh years spent with my step-father. He had cursed my soul and shattered my heart and came close to breaking my sanity with the torture he put me through, killing my slower than a snail's pace throughout the long years. It was my fault I did not receive, or even seek help and comfort, but it was also my fault I was still alive when I wanted to be dead. _

_I looked over to my 'father,' who was sitting in the passenger side of the car was we drove home in utter silence and I found myself asking questions I never really dwelled upon. How is it so hard to do what over 6 billion people do every second? How is it so hard to take a simple breath and allow my life to be prolonged? How do so many others find it so easy to take the hard path and live with their sufferings instead of taking the easy way out and forever ending it?_

_The car stopped in the garage and I walked out, pulling out my book bag and swung it over my shoulder, following my father's order's to change into something decent for when Demi arrives in ten minutes. Maybe, for now, abuse wasn't his objective, but to impress Ms. Lovato…probably so she would want to date me…like that will ever happen. _

_I walked into my room and quickly changed into my blue plaid shirt, dark blue, almost black pants, and a light brown jean jacket. Not my usual attire but this way my father wouldn't have a fit later. I grabbed my favorite acoustic guitar, swung it over my shoulder and walked downstairs, resisting the urge to slide down the stair rails to annoy my father. _

_When I got downstairs, Demi was in the doorway, looking around in awe, wearing bright red pants. Her eyes found mine and she smiled and I nodded to her, not bothering to smile or drop my serious demeanor. _

"You must be Nate." _She said, holding out her hand, which I took, but not very easily. _

"Nick, actually. Nate is my stage name. You must be Demi."

_She nodded and smiled again, my father watching the exchange like a hawk. He said few words to Demi, who smiled at pretty much everything, and led her down to the recording studio. For about two hours we just sat and spoke about the tour, what was to be expected, how many songs she would sing, what our duet would be, boring and stupid things like that. My attention kept drifting to the recording booth, wanting to be in there and singing, only to have the thick layer of soundproof wall and glass separating my father and me. _

"Nicholas! Pay attention!" _My father barked and I calmly looked over, no apology in my bored face and Demi smirked at my antics as I raised my eyebrows to my father in a way I knew would annoy him. _

_His face got red, but he couldn't do anything to me with Demi here and maybe, if I was bad enough to piss him off until he was spitting fire...maybe then it would all be worth it. He continued and we both finally got in the booth and sang the song I wrote about four times, only because MY voice was the one screwed up, even though Demi told me she was the off one today. Oh well, nothing I wasn't used too. _

"One more time." _My father ordered through the headphones and Demi and I nodded, each taking a drink and rolling our eyes and I started strumming the tune on my guitar. (_Nick, _Demi, _both)

"I opened my eyes last night and saw you in the low light  
Walking down by the bay on the shore  
Staring up at the stars that aren't there anymore  
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold

So like an introvert, I drew my over shirt  
Around my arms and began to shiver violently  
Before you happened to look and see the tunnels all around me  
Running into the dark underground

All the subways around create a great sound  
To my motion fatigue, farewell with your ear to a seashell  
You can hear the waves in underwater caves  
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room

_Time together isn't ever quite enough  
_When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home  
_What will it take to make or break this hint of love?  
_Only time, only time

Can you believe that the crew has gone?  
And they wouldn't let me sign on  
All my islands have sunk in the deep  
And I can hardly relax or even oversleep

When I feel warm with your hand in mine  
When we walk along the shoreline  
I guess we'll never know why sparrows love the snow  
We'll turn out all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow

_So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?  
_Yeah, all the time, _all the time_

_Time together isn't ever quite enough  
_When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home  
_What will it take to make or break this hint of love?  
_Only time, only time

_When we're apart what ever are you thinking of?  
_If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?  
_So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?  
_All the time, all the time

_Time together isn't ever quite enough  
When we're apart what ever are you thinking of?  
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?  
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?  
All the time, _oh all the time"

_We finished and Demi gave me a high five and we looked expectantly at the two way mirror in front of us, waiting for my father's comments. _

"Demi, perfect!!!! Nicholas…better."

_I rolled my eyes in an exaggerated motion, causing Demi to laugh and a small smirk formed on my lips, but it was forced and Demi knew it. She looked oddly at me and walked from the studio, saying she needed to use the restroom and my father told me to sing the last solo and I cleared my throat, ready for the harsh words to begin after the song was recorded. I closed my eyes and entered the world of music, my one escape. _

"She was brought into this world  
Out of a beautiful mistake  
When her mom was just a girl  
And her daddy didn't stay.

She was working at age 9  
At the flower shop in town.  
Working not just to survive,  
'Cause life was throwing her around.

In the rose garden,  
Where the rain is falling.  
And the thorns are sharp in  
The rose garden, yeah.  
Rose garden.

She was young but not naïve...  
Always wise beyond her years,  
Hoping that no one would see  
Every time she dried her tears.

In the rose garden,  
Where the rain is falling.  
And the thorns are sharp in  
The rose garden, yeah.  
Rose...

Don't let those petals fall...  
Don't let them fall on you.  
Don't let those petals fall...  
Don't let them fall on you.  
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

In the rose garden,  
Where the rain is falling.  
And the thorns are sharp in  
The rose garden, yeah.  
In the rose garden!  
Yeah, yeah, yeah!  
Rose…"

_I delayed opening my eyes to see myself, reflected in the mirror in front of me, to delay seeing the haunted deadness of my eyes, to delay entering the world I've come to hate. But I knew I had to open them soon so I got it over with and waited for my father's crude remarks, but there were none. _

"Good…I am just as surprised as you are." _He told me via microphone and headphones._ "Now get out here, there are two people here you need to see."

* * *

JOE'S POV

School lasted so long and I had to turn down a date with Stella to make sure Nick was ok…this better be worth it. Kevin drove to the house and we walked to Nick's house and rang the door bell, only to have a small women answer it. She was very pretty in her maid uniform and long curly black hair and blue eyes, but she looked disproving…so moving on.

"Umm, is Nick or his father here?" Kevin asked her and she nodded, letting us in and ordering us to take off our shoes and to stay here while she fetched Nick's dad.

Demi walked in front of us, spotted us and ran over, giving both of us big hugs as Nick's dad came out from another door leading to what looked like a basement and he shut the door carefully.

"Oh good, I see you two know each other. Joe and Kevin Lucas, to what do I owe this pleasure?" But his voice suggested that this was more of a burden to him than a pleasure.

I looked to Kevin and he gestured for me to continue and I hoped my voice was not hostile to this cretin that abused Nick. "You see, our management has been bugging us nonstop about recording with an artist other than Demi and we were hoping…"

"That you could record with my son." The man answered and I nodded once and he thought it over. "I never told you my name did I? It's Leon Grey. And I would be delighted if you would sing a song my son wrote with him. He has been needing another voice for his song…what was it now….ah, World War Three."

I couldn't help but smile at the easiness of this and Kevin closed the deal with a handshake and a few words. He led us downstairs to the coolest recording studio ever and I noted that it had the distinct lack of Nick.

"Where is he?" His dad asked, sounding annoyed and he turned to us with a sorry look on his face.

"We'll find him." Demi volunteered, meaning Kevin, her and I and Mr. Grey nodded in thanks.

Kevin and Demi searched inside while I took the huge backyard. I walked past the pool with a waterfall and hot tube, passed a hammock and a tennis court, and entered a small clump of trees when I finally found him, ten feet high on a branch, jamming to his IPod.

"You are the only guy I know that will spend all day in a recording studio and then go to his IPod for his break from music." I yelled up to him and he looked down at me and a smirk almost appeared on his face.

"What can I say?" He asked, jumping down. "Music is my life."

He said it so surely and so passionately that I had no doubt that music was the one thing that tethered him to this earth when he had nothing else in his life worth living for. Yes, he had all the possessions a guy could ever want, but material items don't guarantee happiness. In fact, I bet Nick could care less about all the stuff his father bought.

"A good life it holds." I told him and he looked away so I couldn't see his eyes. "Your dad is looking for you."

He nodded. "I know. I needed to get away for a few minutes, you know?"

I nodded and he led the way back to the house, hands deep in pockets and shoulders getting more and more tense with every step he took. I couldn't help but wonder if Kevin and I were too late…but better late than never right? At least I hoped that was right.

Nick pushed open the door and I texted Demi and Kevin and they met us in the recording studio and Mr. Grey gave Nick the task of teaching us his song before leaving to make phone calls. Nick walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a large binder and took out two sheets of music and gave Kevin and me the lyrics. He then proceeded to explain how he wanted to approach this and the whole time he spoke of this song, his tone was soft, like he was comforting Amanda like he had in the park. It hit me, right then and there, that Nick lived for music, he truly loved it.

"Can you play us the melody and sing it, so we can get the feel?" Kevin asked and Nick nodded, getting up again and grabbing a green and black guitar, plugging it in and turning the volume up a bit and hitting a few buttons on the recording booth. He hit play and the song came out, perfect volume and instantly we were all bouncing and Nick's eyes closed when his fingers started flying.

Yeah!  
Tonight I walked into the bedroom  
You were visibly upset  
Telling me I made a bad move  
But I didn't do nothing  
You start screaming, wake the neighbors  
Now everybody's out for blood  
I didn't want no confrontation  
Because of you that's what I've got  
Well you got to chill out  
Cause baby I don't want to fight with you  
And every battle we've fought  
Just made us look like fools

I looked at the lyrics and added my voice where he wanted it and soon the Lucas Brothers and Nick Grey were jamming together.

No you can't have World War III  
If there's only one side fighting  
And you know  
Whoa oh  
That there's lessons left to learn  
Every time you attack  
It doesn't drive me to fight you back  
And then I know  
Whoa oh  
That I'll never let it be World War III  
World War III  
Let me tell em

Now your rounding up your army  
Turning all your troops on me  
Telling lies just to feel happy  
But I wont retaliate  
No

No you can't have World War III  
If there's only one side fighting  
And you know  
Whoa oh  
That there's lessons left to learn  
Every time you attack  
It doesn't drive me to fight you back  
And then I know  
Whoa oh  
That I'll never let it be World War III

Well you got to chill out  
Cause baby I don't want to fight with you  
And battle we've fought just made us look like fools

No you can't have World War III  
If there's only one side fighting  
And you know  
Whoa oh  
That there's lessons left to learn  
Every time you attack  
It doesn't drive me to fight you back  
And then I know  
Whoa oh  
That I'll never let it be World War III  
Not gonna be World War III

Every time you attack  
It doesn't drive me to fight you back  
And I know  
Whoa oh  
That I'll never let it be World War III

World War III  
World War III

I looked over to Nick and his eyes held a new kind of light that I knew came with the song and he opened his mouth to speak when a loud clapping reached our ears and we all turned to see Mr. Grey clapping and he ushered us into the studio and in two tries, thanks to my miss up, we had recorded an awesome song.

But by that time, it was getting late and our mom wanted us home, but we somewhat accomplished our mission by making sure Nick was ok and because of the song, we now had a music related bond that I could not tell if Nick was happy with or not. Demi left with us and Nick looked at us, his emotions carefully hidden but when his dad laid a hand upon his shoulder, fear flared in Nick's and anger roared in mine, like a lion whose cub was killed. Ok, weird analogy like thing because Nick was not my cub, but whatever, Ms. Morrison would have given me extra points for that.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Inside I was begging them, my only witnesses not leave, but on the outside, I held my uncaring void of all emotion demeanor, knowing if I cracked in front of my father he would see and use it to his advantage. But I knew he saw the fear and discomfort my eyes held as he put his hand roughly onto my shoulder and as soon as we were inside, he laughed as he smacked me roughly on the back of the head. _

_No words were said as he continued to hit me. I wanted to fight back, to stop his blows and to put him through the exact amount of pain he forced onto me, but I know I couldn't. I may be faster, but he was too strong and too experienced. I would never be able to land one hit or to take more than three steps before he stopped me. I managed to ignore the pain from most of the blows but then he shoved me roughly against the wall and grabbed my neck, squeezing tightly._

_I broke, showing fear and tears as I desperately tried to take a breath, but found I could not. Lightheadedness came quickly as my lungs started screaming for air, but none came. I starred into the hateful eyes of my jailer and I saw his laughter, his joy, his cruelty. He loved this. But would he go all the way?_

_The edge of my vision started going black and I my hands around his wrists involuntary relaxed. He held on for a second longer and just before everything faded, he let me go and I crashed to the floor, taking deep inhales and coughing, unable to stop. Why was I fighting for this breath?_ _What was I fighting to live for?_

* * *

**Koutai:**_…tired and yes, it sucks…Until Next Update!_


	9. Forever Grounded

**Koutai: **_Hi all…this chapter represents my day me being Nick and my dad being the father. Needless to say, my day sucked. _

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

* * *

_**No words were said as he continued to hit me. I wanted to fight back, to stop his blows and to put him through the exact amount of pain he forced onto me, but I know I couldn't. I may be faster, but he was too strong and too experienced. I would never be able to land one hit or to take more than three steps before he stopped me. I managed to ignore the pain from most of the blows but then he shoved me roughly against the wall and grabbed my neck, squeezing tightly.**_

_**I broke, showing fear and tears as I desperately tried to take a breath, but found I could not. Lightheadedness came quickly as my lungs started screaming for air, but none came. I starred into the hateful eyes of my jailer and I saw his laughter, his joy, his cruelty. He loved this. But would he go all the way?**_

_**The edge of my vision started going black and I my hands around his wrists involuntary relaxed. He held on for a second longer and just before everything faded, he let me go and I crashed to the floor, taking deep inhales and coughing, unable to stop. Why was I fighting for this breath?**__**What was I fighting to live for?**_

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ The dark ceiling swirled in the shadows that accurately mimicked my heart. My cold as ice hand was soothing my throbbing neck, but that did nothing to help the internal pain he put me through. Thoroughly he has broken me and left me locked in my room, alone; to pick up the millions of pieces he left me in. To him, my heart was like a puzzle he would never attempt to put together. Instead, he made it a point to disfigure the picture upon it, until who I am was lost in his hold. _

_I sat up and looked out the large window to my right, wishing I could just open it and leave without setting off the security system, and in turn, without suffering the pain I knew was to come._ _I saw three shadow shrouded figures of girls run up to my door, giggle, and place what looked like a teddy bear on my door step. But I knew this was as close as I would ever get to the bear and to those fans. I watched them run off and I wished I was among them, running home to a life I actually liked and wanted to live. But no, I was more captured and helpless than a fish caught in a net or a prisoner in jail. I was a flightless bird, forever rounded in the endless fire of Hell on earth. _

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV-minutes previously. _

"So Demi, what do you think of Nick?" I asked her as we walked her over to her limo, unaware of the chaos that was going on inside.

She shrugged. "He is cute and all, but I can't see us getting any closer." She looked back to the door. "He seems…I don't know, odd. Closed off and yet…"

Joe nodded. "We know."

"Didn't you have a brother named Nick?" She suddenly asked and Joe and I nodded.

"Yeah we did. But he is not him." I told her and she nodded but Joe did not meet my gaze, something lurked in his face and his eyes darkened.

We said our goodbyes and left and had a normal evening. We were about to go to bed when I heard Joe whisper "He could be."

I did not need to ask what he meant and as he turned off the lights, I was unable to turn off my mind. Nick Grey….Nick Lucas….was it possible? Could he really be our brother? The Nick I remembered was kind and quiet, always finding an excuse to sing and he looked up to us. At the time I found that annoying but now I wanted it more than anything. He never said any bad words and was always there to help, whether it involved him or not.

Nick Grey was different but the same. He, of course, looked different than seven year old Nick, but he also kind of looked like Joe. He was mean and short tempered, but that could have came with the years of living with his father and not because he was born that way. Music was his life and he was quiet and alone. He did help that little girl, according to Joe, but mostly he did not care. He could be…but it was unlikely….

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

"I won't." _I told my 'father' evenly and I watched him turn red from anger and his eyes grow wide with unjust furry, which of course is something I am quite used to. _

"You will do as I say!" _He yelled at me._

_Fat chance. _"No, I am not comfortable with that."

"I don't F-ing care if you are comfortable with it, you will do it!" _He screamed and I sighed, knowing where this would end up but I still fought for what I knew I couldn't do. _

"No, I won't. Now I have to go to school so if you'll excuse me…"

_But I never took a step. His hand grabbed the back of my neck and yanked on my hair, bringing tears to my eyes, but I did not cry out, I would never let him see the pain he knew he was causing me. _

"You will."

_I shook my head in his grip. _"I won't use her like that. She is a person and not a toy."

_I threw off his grip but he grabbed my ankle and yanked up, causing me to lose balance and fell onto my head. _"And you are my slave, not a free boy."

_I was free enough to feel, to hate, to kill. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

We walked in school and found Macy running up to us, out of breath, which meant she was running a lot before.

"Guys…Just got back…from track meet…saw Nick…bruises around…neck." She panted and anger flared in my heart. That…evil man! I was unable to find the right words so I stuck with the most vague and simplest ones.

"Where is he?" I asked Macy, unable to keep the anger and urgency from my voice and she pointed to the stairs and I saw him sitting and talking to the girl that flirted with him before. I watched her stand up and walk away, head held high and Nick rolled his eyes and stood.

I ran over to him and stopped, sliding in front of his uncaring gaze and my eyes instantly found the top of his discolored skin around his neck and I winced, holding back multiple insults. He avoided my gaze and started walking passed me but I grabbed his arm and instantly let go as he froze from the sudden contact and I cursed myself for forgetting.

"Nick…did…"

"No. Leave me alone." He said coldly and walked away without another glance and I winced from his harsh tone and Kevin walked by my side.

"Let him go Joe. He won't let you help, he doesn't want it." He told me but I was stubborn.

"In five days he leaves for six months to tour the world. In five days I will let him go." I vowed and Kevin sighed and nodded.

"Just…don't get your hopes up Joe."

Why would Kevin say that? Did he hear me last night? Oh I hope not. That was wishful thinking with no logic, only gut. But maybe there was logic backing my thoughts. In some ways, Nick Grey did remind me of my little lost brother. He loved music just as much and he did have that soft and quiet side I've only seen once when he helped Amanda. He looked older…obviously, but he was the right age, the same name and if I could recall more than maybe I would have enough evidence.

"I won't Kevin. I promise." My hopes were too high to go any higher.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ It was my choice to wear this shirt that showed my bruise, so I would deal with it and take it like I did with everything else in my life. But if my plans went well, this would be my last day on this earth and I wasn't going to live it in fear. I was going to live it like my last day should be lived, without a care, without a fear, like I've always wanted to live. _

_Did I feel bad about talking like that to Joe? No. To Lacy who kept trying to flirt with me? Nope. She deserves more than the mess that was Nick…Jonas. No longer would I be forced to carry the name of my hated adopter and now longer would I call that ass hole my father. I am questioning myself why I called him that for so long, even in my thoughts. _

_I walked into class a minute before the bell, nodded to Ms. Morrison and sat back in my seat, looking to the ceiling, thinking of what bastards face would look like when he found my body, not a single drop of blood spilt, and yet, I would be dead. I smirked at his face and at the scene. I wanted it, more than anything. Dying was the only way to escape for eternity. _

"Nick, not cool." _Joe told me and I smirked. _

"Suck it." _I told him, not wanting to be nice on my last day. This was who I partly was and right now, it was better if Joe hated me instead of losing precious thoughts over me, as I would be gone by tomorrow anyway. In fact, I never wanted him as a friends; I never really wanted a friend in the first place. Joe will be so better off without me, this much I know for sure. _

_He tensed and turned away from me and Kevin turned to glare and the bell rang so he couldn't say anything and Ms. Morrison took role and let us talk and read the play. I pulled out my notebook, having read the play three times, and started writing, but this time, it wasn't a song, but a note. A note only one would read and that would be clutched in my cold and unmoving hand when my body was finally found. _

"Dude, what is your problem?" _Kevin angrily asked me in a low voice and I did not meet his gaze and I continued writing. _

"I have none. You do." _I told him as I wrote my first sentence down, feeling happy that this was actually going to happen after school today, while my father was out meeting with Demi's manager. _

"Look, I know for a fact you have the most problems out of anyone in this school so shut up about Joe and me!" _He told me, his voice a cold whisper and I just shrugged, not really caring how much anger I caused. _

_After that, I completely ignored everything around me, like the glares from the two brothers in front of me and the squeals of my loyal fans. Only they would be truly hurt by what I was going to do, but they would find some one else to idolize, a better role model than me. _

_After class and around lunch, Joe and Kevin approached me again and I rolled my eyes. How many times did I have to shoot them down before they got the message they weren't wanted?_

"We need to talk." _Joe started and I turned to look at him, my gaze light and uncaring. _

"What, no hello?" _I asked, my voice joking and Joe's eyes narrowed. _

"What is wrong with you today?" _He asked me and I shrugged and added a smirk. _

"Nothing is wrong with _me._" _I implied and Joe turned beat red from anger and Kevin took over. This was too easy. _

"Listen, we are trying to help you!" _He told me, poking my shoulder roughly. _

_I pushed away his finger, ignoring the discomfort the contact o human skin still brought me. _"I don't want your help. I am perfectly fine on my own. Now get out of my face." _I ordered him, very coldly and I glared at him, holding nothing back and they both flinched a bit and opened their mouths but I never gave them the chance to speak. _"Oh just go and do something else, like each other."

_They both got so angry and shocked that they did not notice me walking away, laughing lightly, but feeling guilty at the same time. But whatever, in four hours I would have no care, no pain, and no heartbeat. _

…………_.._

_School passed quickly and as I was walking home, my cell buzzed and I pulled it out. _

"Hello?" _I asked. _

"Hey Nick, its Diane."

"Oh, hey Diane, what's up?"

_She sounded stressed but happy, so I was happy for her. _"Oh, I wanted to thank you for everything, helping Amanda and me. Thanks to you, he is in jail for life and I am free and Amanda is finally happy. Thank you."

_I stopped the tears that I felt from her words. _"Your welcome. Listen, I have to go, my father is calling me. Talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok, call me when you get the chance. We have to meet somewhere."

"Ok, I will," _I lied to her and hung up after saying a quick goodbye. I ran home and went up to my room, and sat on my bed, my mind spitting out song lyrics and in five minutes, I had a new song written down and I wrote above it; dedicated to Amanda and Diane. The song was called Stay. _

_They were better off without me…so better off. This world doesn't need me and I don't need to live. I pulled out my book bag and ripped out my suicide note and folded it carefully before clutching it in my right hand. I wanted this…I needed this…but why was this so hard?_

_I took the lethal poison I found in the father's locked medicine cabinet and I remembered picking the lock and feeling the fear when I picked it up and my name was on the bottle and I found out then, when I was thirteen years old, that he wanted me dead. I picked up the small bottle and ignored the tears that started to flow and I was too caught up in what I was about to do to notice them and to hear the soft knock on my door. _

_I took out a needle and filled the vial attached with a little more than necessary, making sure this would do the job and fear mounted in my heart, causing my hand to shake and thoughts of why I was doing this to run through my brain. _

_I looked over to my vibrating phone and found a text from Joe…How did he get my number? But I did not bother to read it because it would delay my task at hand and each second lost was another second of suffering added. I took a deep breath and readied the needle, knowing exactly how to give myself a shot, thanks to my insulin shots. _

_I closed my eyes and pricked my arm, feeling the deadening burning and I heard my door open and a woman screamed, but it was too late. _

* * *

**Koutai: **_It's been awhile since I've written a good cliffhanger. I missed it. Until Next Update! _


	10. Scarred Hearts

**Koutai: **_Haha special prize to mrs. nick jonas who summed up last chapter in two words: NO NICK!!! Lol. So true…hehe…_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**NICK'S POV**_

**_I took out a needle and filled the vial attached with a little more than necessary, making sure this would do the job and fear mounted in my heart, causing my hand to shake and thoughts of why I was doing this to run through my brain. _**

**_I looked over to my vibrating phone and found a text from Joe…How did he get my number? But I did not bother to read it because it would delay my task at hand and each second lost was another second of suffering added. I took a deep breath and readied the needle, knowing exactly how to give myself a shot, thanks to my insulin shots. _**

**_I closed my eyes and pricked my arm, feeling the deadening burning and I heard my door open and a woman screamed, but it was too late. _**

* * *

_DIANE'S POV_

_ As soon as Nick abruptly hung up, a feeling of dread weighed down my heart as I analyzed his stressed voice and I ran from the house, hoping I would be able to stop his father from going too far. I dialed Amanda's sitter to tell her I would be late and in the other hand, I rammed the keys into my cars ignition. It was crucial I got to Nick's house, to save him like he saved me. _

_In three minutes I was banging on Nick's front door and to my surprise, it swung open easily and my fears increased as my mind raced with questions I knew I alone could not answer. I walked in and the silence deafened me until all I could hear was the pounding of the blood in my ears and the slight echo of my footsteps on the marble floor. I walked up the stairs, to the very top and I heard it. Almost soundless sobs that only a mother's ear could detect; the tears of a broken hearted and suffering child. _

_I knocked gently on the door he hid behind and softly called his name, not wanting to frighten him or alert his father of my presence because I had no doubt he did this to this innocent boy. Nick did not answer, but his sobs stopped and I gave him a moment, thinking he was composing himself for my entry. I knocked again and no sound was heard, it was like he was waiting to see if I would go away, like he thought I did not know he was in there…But no, my heart told me otherwise and I knew something was terribly wrong, I could feel it. I threw open the door and it slammed against the wall, but the bang was covered by my scream._

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I raced to my phone when it finally rang and was please but angry to se e Nick's number on it and I picked it up, forcing calmness into my rushed voice.

"Nick, we need to ta…" I started but a women's voice cut me off.

"Joe? It's not Nick, this is Diane…I saw your number on his phone and I've seen you with Nick before so I…" She trailed off, sobs coming from her shaking voice. "I thought you should know…"

"Wait up." I said gently, trying to calm the hysteric woman, though I felt no calmness myself. "What happened to Nick? Is he ok?"

I heard Diane sniff. "No. He…he…" She stuttered, unable to compose herself to say what Nick did.

My breath caught in my throat until it was impossible to take another breath. I thought of the many ways she could finish that sentence. He bought a lolly pop, he was abused or he was dead. The last two made the most sense. But Kevin still had Nick's knife so he couldn't have…could he?

"Is he…dead?" I whispered, unable to bring my voice higher and I lost the calm composure.

"Not quite. But he is in the hospital and critical…he tried…he almost…he poisoned himself." She stuttered and I could hear her ragged breaths as mine stopped all together again.

I was silent, not able to comprehend the simple meaning of her words. But it made sense. Nick was a jerk to us to push Kevin and me away so it would be easier for us, for him, if he had actually succeeded. He had been trying to cut the small bonds we have formed with him so we would not stop him or even hurt too much after his…passing.

"I hate to ask this but I can't call his father….can you come here? I need…He'll need someone who cares if…when he wakes up." Diane asked, pausing, unable to say that there was a chance Nick would not awaken.

"Where are you?" I asked her, already grabbing my coat, Kevin, and writing a note to the parents and explaining everything to Kevin after I hung up and we were out to door.

* * *

_DIANE'S POV_

_ I sat on the cold, butt numbingly hard chair in the waiting room, not capable of fighting the cold grasp of the memoires I never wanted to relive. _

**_Flashback_**

**_I screamed and was rooted on the spot by my terror and shock. Nick…NO!! My eyes skimmed quickly around the room and rested on a lone needle on the floor, a small brown bottle with a red lethal sticker upon it on his nightstand, and finally back to the teen on the bed. _**

**_He was laying back, eyes clenched closed in obvious and indescribable pain as the lethal poison quickly took its toll on his body. He was paler than freshly fallen snow and his lips looked as if they were a faded painting of blue. Fear filled my heart as he hissed lowly in pain, but did nothing to try and save himself. All thoughts stopped and I forgot about my theories of his father. Nick did this to himself…he wanted to die…and I would not let him._**

**_I pulled out my phone after five seconds of starring and dialed three numbers I knew well and waited. A man picked up and I told him what I thought had happened and I read the label of the poison to him and he swore under his breath and I told him the address. _**

**"Ok, Paramedics will be there shortly, keep him conscious!" _He hung up and I sat on Nick's bed and pulled him into a sitting position and held him tightly, marveling at how little he weighed. _**

**"Oh Nick…" _I whispered, but not in disappointment, but in sorrow as I starred at the dying teen who struggled to take one more breath. I wished I knew he was hurting this much from that sorry excuse for a father…if I had I could have saved him like he had me, but I hope I would have time for that in the future. _**

**"Di…Diane?" _He choked out, his voice soft and strained. _**

**_I leaned forward_. "Yes Nick?" _I answered, equal in volume._ **

**"Le…Let me…go…Let me d…ie" _He whispered, longing for me to leave shrouding his pain but I could not. His final wish I would not fulfill. _**

**"No." _I told him and I saw one single tear fall from his eyes at the one simple word as my own tears fell as well. _**

**_I heard the sirens and the door slam open so I screamed for them to come up quickly, but they were too slow. When they reached the top floor, Nick went limp in my arms and his breath began more ragged and erratic than before and his face was one of pain. _**

**"Hang in there!" _I told him quietly, but he was too gone in the pain to hear me and to respond. _**

**_The next part is more of a blur. Two Paramedics ran in, one took out a needle and shoved it into Nick's arm, telling me that this would sustain him until the proper amount could be found from doing blood work and that Nick was lucky, in a way, because this antidote was found three months ago. The guy saw Nick's dog tag and swore. _**

**"Shit. This antidote raises blood sugar levels drastically. In a healthy person, they would be fine, but this could kill him if the poison does not and we cannot give him insulin to help him either!" **

**_Without another word they loaded him onto the gurney and ran him into the ambulance, using the elevator in Nick's house, and I was there the whole way, holding Nick's cold as death hand. _**

**End**

"Diane?" _I looked up and saw Joe standing a few feet away with an older…brother…behind him. _

"Joe?" _I asked and he nodded, introducing himself formally and Kevin, his older brother. They both walked forward as I stood and engulfed me in a much needed hug and I broke down, sobbing onto Joe's shoulder and I felt his tears fall onto my back. He did care…I wonder if Nick knew?_

"Where's my son?!?" _The booming voice of Mr. Grey yelled and we all turned to see him storm in and a brave nurse ran forward to either help him or tell him off. I really hoped it was the second one. _

"Excuse me sir, but Nicholas is still unstable and we cannot allow visitors until we can get him stable again. So, if you wait here or we can call you when he is ready to be seen." _She told him, not a hint of fear in her voice. _

"Bull Shit. Take me to him!" _He screamed but the nurse shook her head, a gleam appearing in her brown eyes. _

"I am sorry sir, but rules are rules. You can wait quietly or I am going to have to ask you to leave." _She informed him, standing tall and not backing down. I admired her bravery. _

"Oh really? You expect me to just sit peacefully while MY SON IS DYING?!?!?" _He snapped and raised his hand and slapped the unflinching nurse across the cheek and she calmly looked back at him._

"Security, please escort him off site." _She asked the men behind her and they nodded and when Mr. Grey was out of site, she swore, and touched her cheek before turning to us. _

"Is one of you Diane?" _She asked and I nodded. _"This was found clenched in Nicholas's hand." _She held out a note and I took it and she left. _

_I opened it with shaking hands and was surprised to see two pages, one with a song one it and another, a letter. I read;_

Diane,

I address this to you because you have gone through and hidden what I have gone through and kept secret for almost ten years. You will be the only one to understand why I had to do this merciless act. You understand the pain, the heart break, the nothingness. You understand the feeling of seclusion.

I want you to know, Diane, that I am not doing this to hurt you nor the fools that tried to interfere with my life and get close to me, like Joe has repeated tried to do. I only call them fools because everyone, despite my warnings and attempts to push them away, gets in too deep and my father gets involved until the cemetery has another headstone. That is why I yearn to be alone, and yet, I need the company of someone, but I know if I am to be selfish, another life will be taken and another piece of my shattered heart, destroyed.

I am doing this to end all of that. To end the cycle of lost lives brought on by my mistakes. I am, in turn, ending my father's trip to wealth and a clean record, and ending the pain he puts me through every day. It is just too much for me, for anyone I expect, to handle now. When physical failed, he used other methods I am sure you know of. He broke me with them…

I am only 17 and yet not a day goes by when I wish I was six again, when my family was alive and I was happy. For ten years, happiness is a feeling I have felt not, only acted. I am a shell, a puppet, if you will, only made to do the biddings of the ass hole master I still have the insanity to call my 'father.' I have nothing, nothing but ache and sorrow. I am broken and alone. No one can help me…even if I let them try.

Attached is a song inspired by Amanda and you, think of it was my last gift to you as my soul wanders to either Heaven or Hell. Take care of Amanda and raise her to forget me. Her soul need not be burdened with the memory of another death. They are my last words for you and in a day, you will find the first and only recording of it in your mailbox…

I cry alone and no one will see me through. I've made my choice; there was nothing you could do. (In the End by NJATA…altered a bit)

Goodbye,

Nick Jonas

_More tears fell as I pulled out the last song and my hand found my heart as I read the words only he could create. The words he wrote for me. _

Stay

It's hard to believe,  
Where we are now.  
Your hand in mine, babe,  
Feels right somehow.  
But now its okay, So don't make a sound.  
Cause its almost perfect,  
So, baby, Don't you look down.

We've had our past, leave that behind.  
Cause none of it lasts,  
All that we have is tonight.

Cause you're not the only one,  
Who's ever felt this way.  
Don't let the world cave in  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done  
There's no need to be afraid.  
We don't have time to waste,  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Beautiful, one of a kind.  
You're something special babe,  
And you don't even realize  
That your my hearts desire.

All I want and more  
I know you're scared,  
But I promise, babe,  
I'm not who I was before.

Cause you're not the only one,  
Who's ever felt this way.  
Don't let the world cave in,  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,  
No need to be afraid.  
We don't have time to waste,  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Cause you're not the only one,  
Who's ever felt this way.  
Don't let the world cave in,  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,  
no need to be afraid.  
We don't have time to waste,  
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Tell me, tell me you'll stay.  
Now, tell me.  
Tell me that you'll stay

_I cried silently at the simple beauty of his song. He asked me to stay when he could not. He told me my pain was done and he ended his and that there was no need for me to be afraid of mine coming back. I did not have time to waste dwelling on it. I had to stay strong, happy and ready for Amanda. It was hard to believe he was only 17 and yet the songs he wrote were mature and beautiful beyond compare. He had a talent and he almost took it from the world. _

"Wow…" _Joe whispered as he read the lyrics over my shoulder. _"I knew he had talent…but this…wow." 

_I nodded and wiped away my tears. Just because Nick was gone yet, did not mean his words would be ignored. He was right. From the very beginning he was right. _

"Diane, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lucas, Thank you for waiting." _A man said, walking up to us. _

"How's Nick?" _Kevin asked, in perfect harmony with Joe and my voice. _

_The doctor frowned. _"I am Dr. Lawson and Nick is not doing well. We were able to give him the antidote but for this kind of poison and its age, it will be needed to be given in a total of five doses, which is extremely dangerous for him with his diabetes. We have the right away from his father, who we called, so we will proceed but do not get your hopes up. This has had a taxing toll on his body and right now…his blood sugar was too high, resulting in a coma. We don't know how long it will take until wakes up, if he wakes up."

_I wiped away another tear. _"Can we see him?"

_Dr. Lawson nodded. _"You may." _He led us to a room and we hesitated before Kevin took a breath and walked in, me following him and Joe behind me. _

_He looked so small on the hospital bed and so pale. His lips were no longer blue and his breathing was still sgort but regular, thanks to the breathing aid in his nose, even though, according to Dr. Lawson, Nick was breathing on his own and this was to regulate his breathing more. _

_I took his hand ignored the ice he seemed to hold beneath his skin and for the first time, I saw the scars that laced around his wrists and I cried openly. _

"Can he hear us?" _Kevin asked his voice quiet. _

"We like to think that he can." _Dr. Lawson replied before leaving to give us privacy. _

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Fire burned in my arm, heart and forehead, sapping my strength and making moving impossible. I wasn't asleep but I wasn't exactly awake either. I had neither the will nor the strength to move a finger or even open my eyes. Why wasn't my breath or the fire ending? Where was the light of Heaven or the glow of the fires of Hell? Why…why was there no end?_

"Nick…if you can hear us, please hold on." _Three voices whispered, one of Diane, one of Kevin and the other of Joe. _

_Of course. The three who actually tried to care were the ones that were causing me the most pain. Why wouldn't they just let me go?_

* * *

**Koutai…**_I came up with an ending today…but it won't occur for several chapters. Until Next Update. _


	11. Heaven or Hell?

**Koutai:**_…nothing to say…I miss writing Not So Perfect…_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**NICK'S POV**_

**_Fire burned in my arm, heart and forehead, sapping my strength and making moving impossible. I wasn't asleep but I wasn't exactly awake either. I had neither the will nor the strength to move a finger or even open my eyes. Why wasn't my breath or the fire ending? Where was the light of Heaven or the glow of the fires of Hell? Why…why was there no end?_**

**"Nick…if you can hear us, please hold on." _Three voices whispered, one of Diane, one of Kevin and the other of Joe. _**

**_Of course. The three who actually tried to care were the ones that were causing me the most pain. Why wouldn't they just let me go?_**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_At different intervals I was aware, unable to find even the smallest module of strength to move, and on the other times, I was blissfully floating in darkness, ignorant to all around me. But that never happened when I wanted it to. Never. _

_I remembered the hand on mine lift and the door close. And a minute of silence before my living nightmare and hate of my life walked in. I felt his breath on my ear and if I could have shivered, I would have. _

"Listen to me. If you ever try to do something like this again, Diane and Amanda will end up six feet underground. I know you can hear me." _He left, leaving me even colder inside than I was before. _

_Yes, the fire in my veins still burned hotly, but even that was unable to thaw the icy covering of my heart. I heard doctors walk in and check on their machines I was attached to and one felt my forehead and declared I had a fever while the other swore unprofessionally. They where quiet as they injected something, the antidote more than likely, into a tube attached to my arm and the fire briefly died in my veins, but it ignited in my head and shadows drew close and covered everything. _

"Nick…can you hear me?" _A soft voice asked, bringing me out of the dark's embrace. _

_Unfortunately. _

"If you can…I want you to know that your father passed this off as a murder attempt. No one knows the full truth…except you."

_Big shock there Diane. _

_She was silent for the longest time and I knew she was holding back tears while she looked upon me and I wished she would just leave. But no, I was Nate Grey and I never got what I wanted. I never got the girl, the money, the love. Never. _

"Your father is giving you two weeks to wake up and if you wake up before then, the tour is still on. That selfish bastard."

_I would have smirked at that last sentence if I could move. Could I survive two weeks of this? Could I wait that long? No…I couldn't. As much as I wanted to die, I wanted it to be soon and I did not want to spend my last minute lying, still as death already, on a bed. I heard her leave, but I knew she would be back. She would never let me go and I don't think I could let her go, no matter how hard I've tried, my thoughts went to her when I thought about releasing everything and letting go. It was like she was the thin string of steel, holding me tightly to life and I was unable to cut it, and no matter how much I wanted it gone, it would stay forever. _

_After 39 breathes, the door opened again, but no words were said as someone, probably a doctor, scribbled something down and the beeping of a machine was turned lower, and the door closed again just as the fires started to burn again. They raced closer and closer to my dry ice encased heart, but the flames stopped before they entered, burning away and scorching everything but the one organ that was keeping me alive. That was the worst pain; knowing I was so close to my goal of death and yet, it was just out of my reach, like everything else in this pointless life I lived. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I knew why Nick did what he did, but how could I have been so blind of the fact he was going to do it? I've seen him attempt it once and we stopped him, but this…I didn't think he would chance a second time. And he almost succeeded. If Diane hadn't found him…then Nick Grey would be no more. Nick Jonas would be gone and possibly…possibly Nick Lucas would be eternally lost.

I waited for the doctor to come out and say nothing has changed except his fever was a bit higher due to lack of insulin. I walked in with Kevin and again was shocked to see how small and pale he was, not moving. He could have been dead if not for the rise and fall of his chest and the annoying beeps of the heart rate monitor. Diane had just left to pick up Amanda and Nick's dad hasn't been seen since the first night. I lightly grasped Nick's unmoving hand, trying to think, to understand, the pain he that had pushed him to this limit.

But I could not. No empathy, only sympathy, was felt and I looked over to Kevin, whose gaze was darting from Nick to me, like he was seeing similarities. But he stopped when he met my gaze and he looked down sheepishly.

"What Kev?" I asked him, keeping my voice soft but the curiosity was still evident.

"Nothing." He answered and I raised my eyebrows. "I was just thinking…you know…he kind of looks like you." He finished, looking down in embarrassment.

I looked to Nick and I wished I was 100% certain. "He does…I wish I knew for sure…but I think he is…"

"Our brother." Kevin finished for me and I nodded.

We both looked down and watched him silently, wanting him to open his eyes, or at least to move, just to prove to us he was really alive. But he did not. For an hour, Kevin and I spoke of little, mainly about how Nick could do such a thing and put up with this life, and we started making connections of his life threw the songs he wrote. It wasn't that hard…in fact it was so blatantly obvious that we both were astounded no one figured it out before us.

When we were about to leave, Stella and Macy walked in, each carrying a 'Get Well Soon' card and a teddy bear. They stopped as they saw us standing and looking at them, obviously thinking they would be alone with Nick.

"Hey guys." Stella whispered, and Macy did not greet us as she bit her lip when she saw Nick and Stella's gaze followed and she closed her eyes for a second before reopening them, like she was making sure this wasn't a mirage.

"Hey." Kevin and I responded.

"So…it's true. Someone really did try to kill him ad now…" Macy trailed off and I bit down the truth and hated myself for sticking to a lie.

"I know…it's terrible…" Kevin said quietly and Stella nodded.

"And he was always well dressed…not that it matters…" Stella said going red and Joe forced a chuckle, resting his arm around her shoulder.

We all stayed like that for a moment, silent and waiting for something that might never come.

* * *

LEON'S POV

That poor excuse for a son. I should have known he would fight back when he became a surly teen with diabetes, when he cried out for attention that I would gladly give him. Only slaps did not satisfy him and they only caused him to rebel more. But that upped his image with his fans and in turn, I got more money. I had hoped by raping him, he would be mine, but no, that little rebel still acted like he had his own life, own mind. But he did not and I think he was starting to realize that. Why else would he try to attempt suicide?

I did not really care for I was set for life with the millions my slave gave to me. And I was sure this would be his last act of rebellion…if it was, I was golden, but if not and it became too extreme, I had a plan cooked up for him.

Some might ask why I had pleasure and how I found satisfaction in hurting Nicholas and the ones close to him and I would answer simply. I would say I have no pleasure and have never harmed him in any such way and yet my mind would be laughing at the way the looked when they believed my obvious lies. I loved hearing him scream in pain, whimper in fear, and yell at me. I loved the feeling of my skin hitting his and I loved to see the bruises I caused him being so carefully hidden. But most of all, I loved the dead look his eyes always carried and the petty fear they carried whenever I was near.

His acts of fear and pain and sorrow only fueled me more and I felt no remorse, no need to make it right. Like those before him, I was only in it for the money I had to gain and when I was finished with him…no one will remember the name of Nick Lucas or of Nick Grey. Not even those pesky brothers, Joe and Kevin…they would soon get what was coming to them as well.

I might not have much to gain from ridding of them, but they were they only ones who knew and yet they did not know I knew. They dumbly thought that I did not watch Nicholas's every move, every step. They thought I was at home, like a hermit, and waiting for the moment Nick came home. But no, I followed him everywhere; I knew whom he hated, whom he liked, where he ran to and when he cried. I knew everything about my little puppet, even how many fragments his heart was in. And I didn't care. I would never care, not even when he was lying in his own blood, begging for mercy with his last breath. I would not cry at that moment, only laugh as I watched the dull light fade from his eyes, like three before him had. And I would disappear, stalking, watching, waiting for another opportunity and if none came, I would live a happy life with the money I took from my underage servants.

I lived a good life of doing what I loved and I had help, of course, with others doing the same thing. Two others in fact and together, we three had no record with the police and little to none suspicion following us. I picked up my cell phone as it rang.

"Marie, long time no hear." I told her and she laughed.

"Leon, as suave as ever I see. I hear Nicholas has tried to rid himself of your hold by ridding himself of a life." Her cool voice told me and I smirked, not surprised she knew.

"Yes that ass did but he failed. I will shorten the leash and collar him permanently. How is your vermin obeying?" I questioned her, not of interest for the teen's sake, but of interest of her pain.

"Oh, little miss I'm-too-good-for-you is chained to the wall right now and has been for three days with no food and little water. I think she will be more respectful to me after this."

I laughed cruelly and Marie joined in. "Have you heard from Horton lately?"

"Yes. His little fucktard Elsa lost her will yesterday after he brutally…invaded…her. She is like a zombie, according to him and thankfully not pregnant, or else he would have to kill her. But her acting has taken on a new high and he is racking in the green." She sounded so jealous of him and I chuckled.

"Your Joanna not doing much for you? Her modeling not paying off?"

She grunted. "It is, but not nearly as much as I wanted. She won't last long, that's for sure. What about Nicholas? I hear the album went platinum already and his tour is earning big."

"You heard right. This one is in for a long life of living hell."

* * *

_DIANE'S POV_

"Mommy, can we go see Nick?" Amanda asked me, jumping onto my lap. "I miss him. Will he be the park?"

I couldn't meet her eyes. "No sweetie, we can't see Nick today. He is busy. But I am sure he missed you too."

I couldn't bring myself to tell Amanda Nick may never wake up, he may be dead before she got the chance to say goodbye. But it was better this way. Nick's letter was correct; she had suffered too much already to be burdened by his life and possible death. I sorted through the mail and I found his CD with our song Stay and I cried when I listened to it when Amanda was asleep. Nick…I'm sorry I was so blind.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_The fire in my veins subsided finally, but my head was still burning and my limbs weak, but I could do nothing. I knew the poison was gone but the memories did not fade. They came back in full force, with me having no choice but to lay and watch them again and again. Everyone always says it gets better the second time, but no, for me, it was so much worse. This wasn't a simple shot, or re-taking a test, but reliving a life of pointless abuse and tears that felt like acid against my forever hurting skin. _

_I felt a cold hand go to my forehead and I heard Joe whisper, concerned about how hot my skin was to his touch. He did not remove his hand and for once, I was glad for the contact because his icy fingers felt really good across the burning battlefield of my head. After a few deep breaths, I became aware that I had strength, a limited amount, but enough to move my hand, breathe on my own, or, if I wanted to, to open my eyes. _

_But I remained still, wanting to 'wake' when no one was watching, when there was no one to see my tears of frustration that I had opened my eyes to see another day. I knew my past days would seem like a walk in the park because Leon was going to make my life a living hell. I knew he would find a way to make me a living zombie, a puppet, to shatter everything I am. I knew that it would not be easy to live through those days unless I submitted now…that was likely…but it would save me a world of pain that I did not want to go through again. So maybe…just maybe, it would be better for me to accept this future and become, willingly, his slave…_

"Nick…" _Joe whispered and I forced myself from the thoughts to listen to the last words he would freely say before I opened my eyes. _"Nick…I think…I know…that you are my brother…you're Nick Lucas."

_Shock engulfed me. Joe…no way. This lunatic needed to be put in the nearest insane asylum and put in a straight jacket and on medication. Of course the mentally retarded one cares for me, what luck Grey, what luck indeed. There was no way I was his brother, none at all. Sure, in the past I would have gladly accepted that fact, but know, I knew I was better off getting as far away from this git as possible and the only way to do that would be to submit to Leon, and I planned too. But then again…no…I may have been his brother in the past and Leon more than likely lied to me about my past, but in this future, in this reality, I wasn't his brother. I was a slave. _

* * *

**Koutai: **

_I have a contest like thing for you all. In a review, send me one idea for a one-three shot that you would like to see me write. It can be anything JONAS and the one I like the most I will write and if they consent, Snowfallxo and silvereyed Angel will help me decide. Until Next Update!_


	12. Yeah Right

**Koutai: **_I am here today to prove to Snowfallxo that Nick is not dumb and his bothers are not geniuses. Hehe. _

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**NICK'S POV**_

**"Nick…" _Joe whispered and I forced myself from the thoughts to listen to the last words he would freely say before I opened my eyes. _"Nick…I think…I know…that you are my brother…you're Nick Lucas." **

**_Shock engulfed me. Joe…no way. This lunatic needed to be put in the nearest insane asylum and put in a straight jacket and on medication. Of course the mentally retarded one cares for me, what luck Grey, what luck indeed. There was no way I was his brother, none at all. Sure, in the past I would have gladly accepted that fact, but know, I knew I was better off getting as far away from this git as possible and the only way to do that would be to submit to Leon, and I planned too. But then again…no…I may have been his brother in the past and Leon more than likely lied to me about my past, but in this future, in this reality, I wasn't his brother. I was a slave. _**

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

"You're wrong." I heard him whisper and I looked up to see the most awesome sight in the world. Nick's eyes were open, and even though he was glaring, I have never been happier to see them. He yanked his hand away from mine and I snapped back to reality. "You're wrong." He repeated, his eyes not tearing or lighting up in wonder or joy. Instead they darkened with anger and contradiction.

"No, I'm not." I told, reaching for his shoulder but he slapped my hand away.

"I don't care who I was in the past Joseph. But in this future, this reality, I am not and will never be your brother." He said it so surely and there was no shred of longing in his eyes as he looked meanly down at me. Maybe this was the fever talking…

"Nick look…" I stared but he cut across me and sat up, rage inscribed on all of his features.

"Get the hell away from me." He growled his voice low in warning and I stood up in shock, but not in fear. He didn't know what he was talking about.

I shook my head and stepped closer and he tensed, his anger growing and his glare intensified. "You don't know what you're saying." I told him softly and he snapped.

"I don't know? I DON'T KNOW?!?! IT'S NOT ME THAT'S IGNORANT JOSEPH ADAM LUCAS, ITS YOU! I DON'T NEED YOU NOR DO I WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP! JUST STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!" He was red with unjustified rage and I was taken aback with shock.

"Nick…" I started, trying to reason with him and calm him down.

He interrupted me again, no longer shouting but cold hatred rode on every word. "No you ass hole. I am not your brother. Not anymore. So why don't you use your brain, for the first time in your life, and take your shitty help leave me alone."

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ This idiot could never take a hint and I knew he wouldn't understand me yelling orders in his face. How thick could one guy be? I looked into his hurt face with such rage that even my blood seemed to boil from the flares of anger my heart spit out. Most of this anger was from the actions of myself and my father and Diane for finding me, but a small shred of it was for this ignorant dumbass. _

_Sure, I knew the small possibility and I saw the connections before those two mindless brothers did and I analyzed every bit and I was about 98% positive that what Joe said was true. But it did not matter! Nothing mattered about my past, only about the future and about right now. As much as I wanted too, I know I should not cry from happiness of the news, or embrace my older brother. If Leon ever found out that we knew, the cemetery would have two new headstones. And I would not let that happen. So I'd rather live a life of eternal misery than see happiness once and have it torn from me. If only Joe could see why I had to do this, why I had to push him away until he did not exist in my shit fest of a life. _

_I saw him open his mouth again but I sighed, frustrated and fell back into bed and controlled my panting breaths as I heard footsteps running to the room. _

"Is he ok? His heart rate just spiked and…" _The young doctor trailed off and he finally saw me, looking back at him, and fire still in my eyes and he glanced to Joe, who looked defiant. _"You should go." _He told Joe and Joe glared at him but turned to walk out of the room. _"Are you ok? Any pain, discomfort?" _He asked me, paging other doctors at the same time. _

"No. I mean other than the fever of course and the ass that just walked out." _I told him, my voice monotone and the Doctor nodded and did random tests and drew some of my blood. _

"One more question before my superior comes and checks you out. These bruises and scars, were they caused by your father?" _He asked in a light tone, like he did not want to upset me, but I was already too upset to be calmed. I was just really good at hiding it. _

"No. I have…overexcited…fans." _I told him, keeping the lie from my voice, another thing I had grown quite accomplished at. The doctor looked relieved and nodded before thanking me for telling him and I nodded back. _

_He left, saying he would be back and I slipped back into silence, wondering how I could effectively push away everyone that has grown to close for me, especially Diane and Amanda. Leon would kill them without a single tear if I stepped out of line so I had to distance myself from them, from everyone. I had to become isolated, the one thing I craved and yet the one thing that scared me more than Leon himself. So, I guess my life would look up at this decision…yeah right. _

* * *

LEON'S POV

My puppet was awake and ready to be released. Sure they wanted to hold him overnight and I could wait that long, get the tour in three days ready. For the past two days that he lay on the hospital bed, I became increasingly worried I was about to lose millions in refunds for his tickets. But now my worries were gone and I had no fear that Nick would not follow my orders. I knew his weakness, I knew his heart. I knew he knew that he was mine.

I quickly dialed Marie's and Horton's number and told them the good news and they promised to alert the media as I drove with a look of satisfaction as I pulled into the hospital ad walked past a very disgruntled Joe Lucas. So my puppet was trying to save them by pushing them away. What a smart slave.

I walked into his room and he glanced up at me, greeting me with a tired glare. I smiled to him and he looked away, as if knowing everything I was about to tell him.

"Nicholas, I am so glad you are up. The tour is up and running still, if you are up for it." Like he had a choice.

"Let's do it, we can't disappoint my fans." He answered curtly. "I'm done with fighting. Less pain for both of us." He wisely said and I laughed, clapping him roughly on the back and he forced a smile. He looked pale still, but better from the insulin he was currently receiving, and his fever was almost gone.

"So, now more fighting?" I asked him, holding out my hand for him to shake and he took it.

"No more fighting."

He was mine.

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV _

Joe was mad but he remained silent as to why and he still has not said a word to me when we went to see Nick leave the hospital in the morning, two days from his tour. We only had two days to tell him, to make him believe, to get him safe from his dad. But when we pulled up to park, we saw Nick and Leon walking out of the front doors, Leon looking triumphant and Nick silent and face cocky. His eyes were bright and he wore a smile, but I knew it was an act.

They walked into a black car, Leon opening Nick's door for him and smiling what looked in a nice way but a few minutes together would do nothing to improve, only worsen their relationships. Nick would have pushed him away like he did us two days ago when he tried to do us when he tried to poison himself. Joe and I were afraid to tell the truth, for Nick's sake, because if we did, he would be put in therapy and in more trouble with Leon. We did not want to make his life worse, only better. But he would not let us. Even if we got on our knees and begged, he would probably laugh and put it on you tube.

But why were they so…nice together and calm? Was it really an act? It had to be. There was no other explanation for it. They were being nice foe the swarm of paparazzi that was blinding us with camera flashes. They really can't have buried the hatchet so quickly and without a fight. Could they?

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ We got home and I braced myself for the beating that was sure to follow now that I was better…well better is not the best word. And sure enough as soon as he closed the door, his hand as roughly grabbing and pulling on my hair, but I did not show him that this hurt. Truthfully, it felt like needles were puncturing the back of my head, but not one whimper, hiss, or breath escaped my lips. He spun me around to face him and I blocked out my emotions. _

"Show me everything. I want to see your fear and hear your pain." _He hissed and I gulped, letting the fear show and I hissed shortly in pain when he pulled harder and kneed me to the ground. He picked me up and carried me over his shoulder to his room and my heart raced faster than the speed of lightening as I figured out, rather quickly, what he had in mind to prove his dominance over me. _

_He threw me onto is bed and rolled me over but I let him, knowing it would be so much worse if I tried to fight. He cuffed my hand behind my back, like it would help him but I wasn't about to struggle against him. I was his, no matter what I did, I was his. He ripped off my shirt, exactly like he did before, and he savored the feeling of my skin under his, my chest and stomach, not one thing was spared from his touch. And every time he touched me, I shivered but did not cry out, though my tears poka dotted his pillow and laughed at my tears. _

_He pulled off my pants off slowly and ran his fingers every where and I could not stop from crying out softly uncomfortably. He chuckled and slapped me for making a noise and I instantly slowed another cry as he touched the inside of my thighs and tickled my feet. _

_I hated it but there was nothing I could do. Every move I made against him was one move closer for another headstone in the cemetery, either reading Diane, Amanda, Joe, or Kevin. I could not have that on my conscience. So for the rest of my life, I was his slave, I was entirely his, every part of me and he would make sure I knew that. _

_This was the second time in one week I was raped, but this time, I let him. I had no choice. He left me there like he did the first time, except I was free to move instead of ties to that god damn pole. But the pain, the sorrow, the heart shattering mess was all still there. I huddled on his bed, unable to do much else and I sobbed my eyes out. Not much people would ever see me his broken and I wanted to keep it that way. Cry in secret, smile in act. My new motto. _

_As long as it kept Diane and Amanda and Joe and Kevin safe, then…it was worth it. Their safety was now my only reason to live. Music was not…not anymore. _

* * *

_MACY'S POV_

Nick walked into school today, his last day until the tour, and he did not look happy, but he did not look bothered or afraid either. He seemed…calm. How could anyone be calm after an attempted murder?

I walked over to him and he glanced to me before looking back to his locker. "Hi Nick!" I greeted him cheerily and he nodded, not speaking. "Are you ok?" He shrugged. Why wasn't he talking? "I got to go…" I told him and he nodded and walked away, silence following him like a stalker.

"Macy!!!" Joe, Stella and Kevin screamed in greeting and I whirled around

"Hey guys!" I greeted, but I was still occupied with Nick's odd silence.

"What's wrong Mace?" Joe asked me, concerned by my lack of pep.

I looked over my shoulder and saw no one and looked back to Joe. "It's Nick…he is not talking and seems…off." I knew I should explain more but I couldn't. "I don't know…he seemed…dead."

Joe bit his lip and walked in the direction Nick did and Nick appeared around the other corner and looked once at him and Kevin and glared so intensely that I, Macy Misa, the most intimidating and best athlete in this school, flinched. Joe tensed and looked directly at him and Nick's glare worsened and he shot Joe the bird before walking into his first hour room.

"What was that all about?" Stella asked Joe.

Joe did not answer but he gave Kevin a look and Kevin's mouth opened in shock.

"YOU TOLD HIM?!?!"

* * *

**Koutai: **_I have a contest like thing for you all. In a review, send me one idea for a one-three shot that you would like to see me write. It can be anything JONAS and the one I like the most I will write and if they consent, Snowfallxo and silvereyed Angel will help me decide. Until Next Update!_


	13. Deceit

**Chibiyu **_Hi all!!!! Thank you for reading this!!!! O.O_

**Nick: **_Why does the population of fanfiction in this section love the stories written about my pain? I don't like it you know…_

**Chibiyu: **_But you love me and I you, so…DEAL WITH IT!!!!_

**Nick: **_…Like I have a choice._

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**MACY'S POV**_

**Joe bit his lip and walked in the direction Nick did and Nick appeared around the other corner and looked once at him and Kevin and glared so intensely that I, Macy Misa, the most intimidating and best athlete in this school, flinched. Joe tensed and looked directly at him and Nick's glare worsened and he shot Joe the bird before walking into his first hour room. **

**"What was that all about?" Stella asked Joe. **

**Joe did not answer but he gave Kevin a look and Kevin's mouth opened in shock. **

**"YOU TOLD HIM?!?!" **

* * *

**_NICK'S POV_**

_ I've told myself a thousand times that I would not get angry again but that bastard Joe needed to get a clue! I did not want him; I did not want to see him, to talk to him, to even hear him. I wanted him gone and out of my life and tomorrow, he would be. I could not wait…and yet I wish I did not have to leave. I wish I could be the brother they thought I was instead of in the dirty chains of Leon Grey. But what choice did I have? They were safe this way; everyone that had the insanity to care for me was safe this way._

_The class was empty when I entered it and I set my stuff down and angrily kicked the desk, finding no release in my now slightly throbbing toe. But it mattered not. I would again have to get used to bottling this rage, this pain, this sorrow. For seven months, I would be a singing, dancing, and music playing robot. I threw my binder down on my desk and walked over to the window when Ms. Morrison walked in and we both ignored each other, sensing each other's troubles. _

_I watched her sit down and look at me, her eyes curious and haunted and I caved. _"Good Morning Ms. Morrison. Is something bothering you?" _I let genuine concern and care fill my normally stoic voice. _

_She looked to her hands. _"If I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?" _She questioned and I hesitated before nodding and I closed her door after she asked me too. _"My boyfriend just passed away last night in a drunk driver accident. He was walking home and was hit." _I walked over to her and she wiped away tears. _

"I am so sorry. I know what it is like to lose a loved one as well. But it will get better; take it from me, the guy with ten years of experience." _I informed her and she looked up at me in awe and shock. _

"I am so sorry…who did you lose?"

"Everyone. Mother, father, brothers, my best friend, even my grandparents. I'm adopted." _I told her and she looked down, in obvious surprise at my ten year dilemma. _

"I'm so terribly sorry…you must not want to talk about it…" _But I shook my head at her quiet tone. _

"It hurts sometimes, but it feels better to talk…sometimes anyway." _She nodded and went to open the door, forgetting about my troubles, which I was aiming and thankful for. _

_I went to my desk and sat, acting like that talk never happened when other students piled through the door, smiling and then frowning at Ms. Morrison's lack of pep. Kevin and Joe sat in front of me, but I did not acknowledge them as I flipped and caught my pencil, beating my personal record of 12. The bell rang and I stopped and looked forward, ready for seven hours of boredom and then on to seven months of suppressed tears. Let the torture begin. _

_"_Ok class, I am sorry if I don't seem like myself today, but let us move pass that fact and smile!" _She smiled and I smirked as her gaze reached me, thanking me for listening and I nodded slightly. She turned her gaze back to the class and my smirk faded instantly. Joe turned to look at me and I ignored him, doodling absentmindedly on my notebook cover while Ms. Morrison told the class the Horris had won the contest from earlier this week. Good for him. It would have been me, Joe or Kevin, if I hadn't taken our papers from the pile, giving the public a chance to win instead of three experienced song writers. Ms. Morrison approved of it as well. _"Now, get a partner and write about the saddest thing that has happened to you. It can be in a song or poem or story. The partner…well if you make them cry, you get a prize."

_My partner wouldn't be winning a thing then. Joe instantly was by my side and Kevin looked worried but went off to join Macy. I opened my notebook and started writing a new song, completely ignoring him and Ms. Morrison did not seem to care. Joe was silent as he wrote as well, his lips pursed in what I thought was annoyance and anger. I moved my hand to the top of the page and titled the song "In the End." Aware he was watching, I started doodling again, this time it was a stick figure with Joe's hair hanging from a ceiling fan, going around and around. He stiffened and looked away and I bit down a laugh. _

"Well…aren't you going to share?" _Joe's emotionless voice asked me and I slowly looked up and turned to him, not glaring, but showing him my extreme dislike. _

"There is too much to share. But the worse thing is the annoying brat sitting next to me who can't take an f-ing hint."

"That's not very sad. How about this; your friend living a terrible life won't let you help him and when you tell him the best news you can possible give him, he pushes you away?" _His comment caught me off guard but I was able to retaliate quickly. _

"Well, said friend obviously doesn't want you as a friend and is giving you the message to fuck off, so unless you like having your head on your shoulders, I suggest you do so." _I whispered to him, letting every ounce of my anger and hatred out on him in a few simple words. He turned to face the front, his face a scowl and flushed with anger. Nick 2, Joe 0. _

"Why does the said friend want me out of his life, I wonder?" _Joe hissed under his breath and I nonchalantly leaned back and smirked in an evil way, no humor at all of my stone set face. _

"So your head stays on your shoulders." _He stiffened and looked at me in fright, but my smirk grew slightly and my eyes never left the ceiling. Messing with poor Joe was fun, and yet…in a way, every word I have told him is true. Messing with him is probably the only thing I am going to miss when I am on tour. But oh well. Everyone has to left go of something enjoyable to move on in life anyway. _

_Class ended quicker than any of us expected and throughout the rest of the morning, I had the most awesome time ever with ignoring the annoying stares of Macy and Stella. Apparently Joe was not the only one that could not take a hint. I walked over to my locker before lunch and when I was putting away books, they surrounded me, leaving no exit, no way to ignore them. Better get this shit over with. _

"Nick. Turn around." _Joe sternly ordered and I finished putting my books in my locker before closing it and turning around, thumbs in pocket, my face very clear of emotions. My eyes darted to each of their faces, one angry, one confused, two very confused. So only one had a motive…this would be easy. _

"What?" _My uncaring voice was controlled and quiet, and Macy, Kevin and Stella all looked to Joe, who seemed to inflate with held in rage. I smirked and cocked an eyebrow to him, making the simple movement as mocking as possible. _

"I think you know." _Joe told me, his voice low and he tried and failed to keep the anger out of it. _

_I rolled my eyes. _"Forgive me, but I do not follow the wave link your underused brain is trying to send." _Kevin stiffened at my insult and Macy glared. Stella laughed. I looked over to the blonde in question and she blushed under my intense gaze and Joe took her hand and did not seemed fazed by her laughter. So they were _that_ kind of couple. _

"Why?" _Joe asked, vague as always, though I knew exactly what he was talking about I wanted to see how far I could stretch him before he snapped. _

"Why? Well I suppose it has to do with the fact you never use your brain so in result, it has trouble sending even the simplest thoughts that aren't driven by hormones." _God I was enjoying this. Was that wrong? Who cares if it was? This was the first bit of fun I have had in years. _

_Joe went maroon with anger, and I bit back another laugh as Kevin put his hand on Joe's shoulder in warning. _

"Nick, look. I know what Joe told you when you woke up, but why don't you believe it?" _Kevin said evenly, trying to reason with me before Joe lost it all. Way to ruin it Kevin._

_I sighed and rolled my eyes again and shifted so I was leaning against the lockers and facing him. _"Would you believe this moron over here after you've stepped into my shoes? Or are you as much as a gullible idiot as everyone around here thinks you are?" _Kevin went red with embarrassment; I seemed to have touched a nerve…maybe the fun did not die yet. _

"That does it! You can insult me, but no one BUT me can insult my brother!" _Joe shouted at me and I examined my nails, uncaringly as Macy and Stella walked away, unnoticed by anyone but me. _

"But I thought you said I was your brother so technically, I'm not doing anything wrong." _I inserted and Joe seemed to blow up._

"No, I was mistaken. An ass like you could never be a part of our family. Never!" _He shouted and Kevin slapped him in the back of his head for swearing. _

"I wouldn't want to be in your family anyway. I never did." _I told him, no heat in my voice but he acted like I had just hit him and he screamed, causing Kevin and I to both jump. I saw it coming before Kevin did, having experience, and let my knees fall from under me as Joe's fists ran right into the locker, right where my head had been. He yelled out in pain and I looked up to my dented locker door, eyes wide with my own anger, but I held it down. _

"You're insane!" _I yelled to him as teachers poured into the hallway and he glared with a deranged look in his eyes and he kicked me hard in the side. Of course, I could have easily dodged it, but I wanted to put on a show for the teachers and besides, Joe's girly blows were nothing like Leon's; they did not even hurt. _

_Teachers pulled Joe away from me and Kevin stood, like he was made of marble, pale, and a look of dumb shock all over his face. _

"Joe, Nick, come with me. Kevin, move along." _Mr. Links told us, keeping an iron grasp on Joe's arm and I stood and walked behind him, my hand going to where Joe kicked me in an act. _

_Mr. Links led us both to the principle's and shoved Joe into a seat and I sat as far away from him as I could as Mr. Links told the principle what had happened and the secretary dialed Joe's parent's and I told her not to call Leon, for he was in a meeting with my label manager. _

_Ten minutes later, a red haired, middle aged woman stormed in, glanced angrily at Joe and walked into the principle's office. Joe, you are gonna get it good. _

"I hope you're happy." _Joe sneered to me as the secretary left the room._

"Ecstatic. My life's goal has just been fulfilled by your foot."_ I told him, sarcasm dripping from my voice. Joe looked down, anger still present in his eyes but guilt as well. Great now the loser is feeling sorry for me again. _

"Nick…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." _Joe told me, but he might as well have been talking to the wall. _

_He was sorry? Yeah right. Like I care. I don't need his pity, his apologies. I liked it better when he tried to beat me up and if the teachers hadn't have come; he would be facing my wrath. And if I would have been expelled, who cares? This was my last day in this school for a long time and I hated it here. I hated it only a little bit less than how much I despised going home. _

_The office door opened again and the woman came out and glared at her son before walking over to me. _

"I am sorry about my son's actions; I hope he didn't hurt you too badly." _Her voice was kind and I looked up into her eyes to see genuine kindness and I held back the anger I felt raging below in my mess of a heart. _

"I'm fine ma'am, thank you for the concern." _I told her and she looked at me in wonder and confusion and I noted her eyes were the same color as Joe's and close to mine, but whatever. _

"Call me Mrs. Lucas." _She held out her hand and I took it, ignoring Joe's looks of shock. _

"Nick Grey or you may know me as Nate Grey. The person beating your sons." _I informed her and she laughed before turning to Joe, her expression hardening. _

"You young man, are grounded for a month and you got yourself three in school suspensions for this. You are going to be in so much trouble when you get home." _She stated before walking out, leaving a very frightened and pale Joe sitting. _

_I stood as the principle came out and asked us to enter his office, so he could finally hear our sides of the story._

"Sir," _Joe began and I looked away, knowing he would put the blame where it belonged, with me. _"Sir, it was my fault. He was flirting with my girlfriend and I've been having a rough day and I lost it."

_I starred at him, covering my shock and he met my gaze, telling me to shut up and stick to the lie. I remained silent until I came up with a brilliant idea. _

"I'm sorry Joe. I did not know she was your girlfriend, I just couldn't help it." _I said and he nodded and repeated his sorry and this time, I accepted it, but we both knew both of our acceptances were as fake as my apology. _

_The principle let us go back to lunch and Joe went to his friends while I sat in the atrium, strumming my new song and singing softly. The world seemed to dissolve around me again but I did not panic, for it was the music's doing and not for other reasons, like Leon knocking me unconscious. I was too lost in the melody to hear the door open and close or to feel the sudden rush of air hit my face. _

"You'll cry alone  
And nobody will see you through  
You made your choice  
And there's nothing that you can do

Cause baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end  
And baby, it hurts the most  
When you don't have a friend  
And you broke our trust  
And now you're stuck  
On the wrong side of the fence  
Baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
It all comes back to haunt you  
It all comes back to haunt you  
In the end."

_I opened my eyes to clapping and I jumped startled by the presence of four new people. They all stopped, probably thinking I knew they were there and was just ignoring them, not that I was too into my music, again, to notice anything around me. I looked up into their faces with wide eyes, with surprise dying down a little and I scowled. Joe looked down, unable to meet my gaze and Kevin sat next to me while Macy and Stella watched. The bell rang before any of them could speak and I jumped up, as if I had been electrocuted and walked swiftly from the room and entered the suffocating crowd. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I felt terrible about what I had done and had hoped I could have spoken to Nick about it before class, but the bell once again deceived me. He disappeared in the crowd, and yet I knew I would see him again in my last hour, but the wait seemed unbearable. And it was, but like everything, it came to pass and I watched him finish the test, book work and worksheet with gusto. What took him thirty minutes took me an hour.

Mr. Kinder let him go early, saying there was no need for him to wait in the stuffy class while other finished and he let other students go too. I finally got out and Kevin met me at my locker, saying he got out of class early again because his teacher was a substitute. We were walking down the halls when we heard a piano play a chord and we doubled back to see Nick, in the dark orchestra room, playing on the piano, eyes closed and a saddened expression on his face.

"All of you  
Has shaped me into what I am  
carried out the bitter man  
did you have a master plan?  
Oh, no

Somewhere, I  
Let all my defenses down  
And never thought to turn around  
And you did not make a sound

See it turning red  
Like a bullet through the chest  
Lay me down to rest  
It's a lover's final breath

I found out  
Nothing comes without a cost  
And life is just a game we lost  
Did you have a better thought?  
Oh, no

Now you're gone  
Nothing's ever felt so wrong  
A moment seems to last so long  
Do you have a fear so strong?

See it turning red  
Like a bullet through the chest  
Lay me down to rest  
It's a lover's final breath

Now I die

Kiss your tender lips goodbye  
And pray to God who hears my cry."

On the last note, Kevin and I were stunned to see him drop his head onto his hands and shake with what looked like sobs.

"I was there when he wrote in LA…on his first day here…" Kevin informed me and I nodded but before we could walk in, Nick lifted his head and played three chords in succession and repeated them before adding his voice.

"Got the news today  
Doctors said I had to stay  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
When I thought it'd all be done  
When I thought it'd all been said  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.  
But you don't know what you got 'til it's gone  
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low  
And every time you smile you laugh you glow  
You don't even know, know, know.  
You don't even know

All this time goes by  
Still no reason why  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.  
Waitin' on a cure  
But none of them are sure  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
But you don't know what you got 'til it's gone  
You don't know what its like to feel so low.  
And every time you smile you laugh you glow  
You don't even know, know, know.  
You don't even know, know, know.  
You don't even know, no

And you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.  
Don't know what it's like to feel so low, yeah!  
And every time you smile you laugh you glow,  
You don't even know!

So I'll wait 'til kingdom come.  
All the highs and lows are gone.  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.  
I'll be... fine."

Real tears ran down Nick's cheeks now and he took a deep breath and let them fall as he looked at the keys on the piano, his fingers curling into fists. I nodded to Kevin and we both silently walked in and behind him, my hand going to his shoulder. He jumped violently and spun around, standing, to face us, surprise on his face, all tears gone. He relaxed a little when he saw it was just us, but not nearly enough to lose the look of fright in his eyes.

"What do you want?" He asked no emotion in his voice.

"We heard you singing and we wanted to listen. We saw you in here and…"

"You'd thought you would butt in where you don't belong." He finished for me, his glare coming back now the initial shock of us coming in was gone. "Just leave me alone…I need to go meet my father."

I was silent and I looked to Kevin, who nodded and together, we gently pulled Nick into a hug and he tried to weakly push us away, but we would not let him go. After about five seconds, he gave up and stated shaking, which made us both hold him tighter. He remained immobile in our hold and I felt the dampness of his tears on my shirt. How could he stand seven months alone with his father when he could hardly stand the thought of it?

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_I got bored with the alias Koutai so call me Chibiyu please. Lol. Until Next Update!_

_THANK YOU TO SILVEREYED ANGEL FOR BEING THE ONLY PERSON TO REVIEW LAST CHAPTER!_


	14. In the End

**Chibiyu **_Hi!!! Thanks for all the support!_

**Nick: **_Yes…thank you for supporting her love of torture…-glares-_

I have a contest like thing for you all. In a review/PM, send me one idea for a one-three shot that you would like to see me write. It can be anything JONAS and the one I like the most I will write and if they consent, Snowfallxo and silvereyed Angel will help me decide_. _

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**JOE'S POV**_

**"We heard you singing and we wanted to listen. We saw you in here and…"**

**"You'd thought you would butt in where you don't belong." He finished for me, his glare coming back now the initial shock of us coming in was gone. "Just leave me alone…I need to go meet my father."**

**I was silent and I looked to Kevin, who nodded and together, we gently pulled Nick into a hug and he tried to weakly push us away, but we would not let him go. After about five seconds, he gave up and stated shaking, which made us both hold him tighter. He remained immobile in our hold and I felt the dampness of his tears on my shirt. How could he stand seven months alone with his father when he could hardly stand the thought of it?**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_There was always a point when everything seemed too much to hold in. There was always the point when everything, everyone, seemed against you. There was always a point to break and this was mine. Part of me had hoped Joe and Kevin would find me playing the record of my life, 'A Little Bit Longer', and yet, the other part, the part held by Leon, wanted them to rot in hell. The first part was wrong though. I've waited a little it longer and yet I am not fine. I have never been fine and now I am making a fucking fool of myself, crying like a baby in their arms. And yet I couldn't stop. _

_I hated this. I hated the feeling of tears burning like acid against my cheeks, I hated the feeling of uselessness Leon always brought onto me, and I hated the feeling of their arms around me. It was so unfamiliar to me and I knew it was for comfort but I couldn't stand it. I've been touched too many times by Leon that every simple gesture, hand shake or hug, was enough to make me want to scream. My skin crawled with the contact and I felt like puking as unwanted memories of disgust and heart wrenching pain surfaced again and again from a simple hug. They needed to let me go…now!_

_I tried to push them away again, but like the first attempt, I was unsuccessful and I knew I would have to bear this contact. Did they know this was hurting more than helping? Where they trying to torture me? I flinched violently when I felt a hand go to the back of my neck and into my hair and they both stiffened, finally realizing my discomfort. They both instantly let go and backed off but I stayed standing, rooted to the spot by my overflowing sorrow. Leon was waiting…I had to get control…I had too or else I risked Joe and Kevin's lives…this burden will kill me before Leon does…_

_My sobs turned to deep breaths and my breaths turned normal and I wiped away the tears, calming everything down and I felt the redness of my eyes fade. Thank you to the trick I learned when Leon often brought my tears on before a show…I looked up to the two, all traces of last minute gone and they looked shocked at my sudden change and I glared at them, warning them without words that if they told anyone about this, I would personally make their uncaring lives hell on earth. They seemed to get the message as Kevin bit his lip and Joe looked pleadingly at me but I pursed my lips and turned, walking away, or at least trying to. But a hand, probably Joe's, grasped my forearm, preventing me from leaving. _

"Nick…you don't have to go with him…we know what he does…you don't have to stay with him." _Joe told me, trying to comfort me and try to talk about things he would never understand. _

_I yanked my arm from his grasp. _"You don't know how wrong you are Joe." _I told him, my voice barely above a whisper and I walked from the room, already dreading the seven months with Leon, wondering how I could keep my sanity. _

"Then tell us why." _Kevin's voice drifted to my ears and I stopped in the doorway but did not face them._

"I can't." _I told them, ignoring the strain on my voice. If I told them, they would not live to tomorrow. _

"Yes, you can." _Joe's voice came from directly behind me and I stiffened, unsure how he suddenly became so silent with his movements. _

_I shook my head and for the smallest second, his hand was on my shoulder and again, I was holding back tears. I shrugged off his hand and started walking again, knowing they were following me, but whatever. As soon as I got outside I would make a break for it and be home in less than five minutes. At least, that was my hasty idea for a plan. _

"We will walk you home." _Joe told me, not asking for permission but stating his actions. _

_I sighed and let them know my growing aggravation. _"No."

"Yes." _Joe and Kevin both harmonized and I let out a long breath and curled my fist, holding down my rising fury. Kevin seemed to notice the action but Joe seemed oblivious. _

"We just want to…say goodbye before your tour starts tomorrow morning." _Kevin told me, as if trying to calm me down…like that would ever happen. _

_I opened the main entrance to the school and stood in the doorway, regarding them both with looks of loathing and Kevin looked away but Joe met the gaze head on. _"Well then…Goodbye!"

_I took of running, pushing myself faster than I had before and not stopping, even when my legs started burning and my chest felt like it was on fire. I looked back when I hopped over a fence and saw them running, about fifty feet behind me and I gained confidence, cutting through a thicket of trees as a shortcut. In less than two minutes later, I was at my front door, unlocking it and walking in, locking it behind me. I slumped against the door, trying to steady my breathing when Leon walked in and I met his gaze and he smirked. _

"You should have joined track. No one can keep up with you." _He stated mockingly and I expelled my anger with deep breaths, knowing if I rose to high, I would pay; that it would all come back to haunt me in the end. _"Come here." _He ordered and I stood straight and followed him into our grand and marble kitchen, wondering what he had in store for me. Nothing good I bet. _"Sit."

_I sat, eyeing him warily as he sat across from me, just watching me with his hideous blue eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair and I suppressed a shiver as his gaze started growing hungry. _"Nicholas, your little attempt on your life put you behind schedule but we have been rehearsing for weeks, so if you mess any of the shows up, you will have another scar to mark your failure. Am I clear?"

_A warning…that's new. I nodded, knowing not to speak to him unless asked a question other than a 'yes' or 'no' one. He grinned and stood, walking over to me and I gulped, hideous images forming in my brain but nothing happened. He just clapped me lightly on the shoulder and left, leaving me very confused. The doorbell rang but I did not move, still stuck pondering why he did not take this opportunity to make my life hell. _

"Nicholas, it's for you! Go on in, he is in the kitchen." _Leon's voice calmly floated and I tensed, ready for the annoyance that is Joe and Kevin Lucas. _

"Nick?" _I looked up, startled and I almost smiled. _

_It was not Joe or Kevin, but Diane and Amanda. I stood and Amada ran to me and hugged my legs and I leaned down and picked her up, a smile on both of our faces. _

"Hi." _I greeted both of them and I met Diane's saddened gaze and my smile faded. _

"Can we go to the park…let Amanda run…so we can talk?" _Diane asked and I looked over her shoulder to see Leon nodding and I nodded to Diane. She smiled at me and took my empty hand and I flinched from the contact and Diane looked at me, like asking if this was ok, if I could handle it, and I took a deep breath and nodded. She led me, with Amanda still in my other arm, out the door and from the devil himself and for that I was thankful. _

_We got to the park without any sign of Joe and Kevin, which threw me for a second because they were not ones to give up so easily…they must be thinking of a game plan…which me being competitive and stubborn, would surely beat. I set Amanda down and she ran around the small play ground area, laughing as she slid down slides and soon, other young kids joined her. _

"How are you…on the inside?" _Diane asked me quietly as we sat on a bench and watched Amanda play. I avoided her gaze, not wanting her to see the answer in my eyes. How was I? Defeated, broken, annoyed, unloved, lonely…the list could go on forever. I shrugged and she sighed, turned her gaze onto me and I knew she saw my eyes, try as I may to hide them. _"I'm sorry I can't stop him."

_I looked back up to her. _"It's better if you don't…for you anyway…and Amanda. Can you promise me something?" _I asked her, looking back to Amanda who was acting like a bird, flapping her arms and two other girls were too and they leapt, like in dance and I could not stop a smile from forming. _"Swan Lake?" _I guessed._

_Diane nodded. _"Her favorite movie. She loves do you need me to promise too?" _She questioned, looking to me and I looked back to her, letting how important this was to show in my eyes, for I could not express that with words alone. _

"When I go on tour tomorrow morning, promise me that you will forget about me. And if…when I come back, don't visit me. I need to be out of yours and Amanda's life…I…I don't have a choice." _My quiet voice broke a bit and she sighed, her hand covering mine and I bit my tongue to hold down renewed tears. _

"You always have a choice." _She informed me, sounding like a true mom. _

"I wish that was the case." _I said, looking at her tearing gaze and she seemed to understand, fear entering her eyes but she nodded. _

_I looked over and Amanda caught my gaze and ran over, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet, begging me to play with her. I smiled and let her drag me over to the swings. For today and today only, I was her playmate. I pushed her on the swings, smiling at her screams of excitement as she went higher and faster, but I was carefully not to push her too high, after all, she was only five. _

"Nick!" _A vaguely familiar women's voice called and I looked over, still pushing Amanda, to see Mrs. Lucas and a young boy trailing…sulking…behind her. She walked over to me and her son plopped down on a swing, looking utterly bored. I feel for ya kid, I really do. _

"Mrs. Lucas, fancy seeing you here." _I greeted and Amanda laughed as I pushed her again. _

"Is that your sister?" _Mrs. Lucas questioned, but the question had a hidden meaning that I knew of, but not of what it meant. _

_Amanda slowed to a stop and hopped down from the sing and took my hand, hiding behind my legs a bit and I smiled down to her and ruffled her hair. _"No, she's just a close friend." _I told her and Mrs. Lucas smiled at Amanda and Diane ran over, sensing the tension I held from seeing Joe and Kevin's mother. I would never call her my mother…it would only put her in the middle of the fray and on the list to die._

_Diane smiled at me and I nodded, not returning the gesture and she looked over, curiously to Mrs. Lucas and held out her hand. _"I'm Diane, Amanda's mother."

_Mrs. Lucas seemed to be taken off guard at how young Diane looked to be a mother, and she was young, only 23, but age is just a number that gives no sign of maturity. Mrs. Lucas introduced herself and her son, Frankie, who halfheartedly waved before jumping down and running into a group of girls his age. I almost laughed at the young boys antics. Well…it made sense, living in the shadow's of his brothers, he had to make his own name somehow. _

_I left the women to talk, knowing the conversation would be about me and Amanda took the lead, and soon I was surrounded by six other kids and Amanda was bragging about me being the nicest boy in the world with magic healing kisses. The kids swarmed around me and I was too caught up with playing with them to notice the smile on my face and the two figures watching. _

"Nick! Make me fly like Odette!" _Amanda begged, now playing Swan Lake again and I laughed, picking her up and holding her out like an airplane above the other kid's heads and they looked enviously at her while they danced to their own tunes. Amanda beat her arms up and down, like they were wings and the other kids started doing that as well, trying to do the impossible and fly. _

* * *

_DIANE'S POV_

Sandy Lucas and I stopped talking for a moment and watched the kids and Nick, smiling at Nick's smile and the younger kids' laughter. Nick picked Amanda up and held her like an airplane as she flapped her arms and I heard his laugh mix in with Amanda's, each of their faces filled with joy. The other kids started to try and fly as well, lost in their own imagination and I think they brought Nick in with them.

"He is really good with kids." Sandy stated and I nodded.

"That is how we met actually. Amanda ran from me while I was on the phone and she fell and scraped her knee. I heard her crying but when I got to her, he was there, band aid over her knee and a small smile on both of their faces. I only see him smile around kids as well…he is very serious...for the most part."

_Sandy nodded thoughtfully as she watched the kids ran around Nick and Nick 'fell' to the ground and they all jumped on him and we could hear his laughter mixing with theirs. Sandy pointed to the two older teens, also watching the scene. _

"Those are my boys as well. Joe and Kevin." _I nodded and I couldn't help but think that Nick greatly resembled this woman and those two boys. _

_I also remembered Nick telling me about how his family had all died in on day and how Sandy told me her son, Nick, was kidnapped and probably dead. Could it be? Was it really this easy? No…Leon must be the kidnapper, planting a false story in Nick's head and if he found out…that is if he did not already know…he would be in so much trouble…and his family would be as well. _

"This might sound crazy…" _Sandy started and cut off as Joe and Kevin joined the kids and we both saw Nick's light gaze darken at their presence, but Joe and Kevin ignored it and the kids accepted them, all of them but Amanda did anyway. She was shy in the best of times or maybe she sensed Nick's change in demeanor. _"Never mind…it's impossible."

_I smiled, hearing this phrase daily. _"Only if you believe it is. Though if you don't mind me saying, he does look a bit like you and Joe and Kevin."

_Sandy nodded and wiped her eyes. _"But…he can't be…he can't be my Nick…"

_I smiled at her denial and looked over to Amanda and Nick and the others, running around, playing tag and forgetting the rules to it. _"I think he might be."

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Gosh this sucks. I can't write worth crap right now…probably because I blew up a few minutes ago in a PM with silvereyed angel and she and Nick fixed me with duck tape…I think they missed something…Until next update!_

_…hey! There's my brain!_

_Lol, idk. _


	15. State of Emergency

**Chibiyu: **_…Hmm…how to torture Nick in this chapter…decisions, decisions…this chapter royally sucks. _

**Nick: **_…I have no comment other than; is this legal?_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**DIANE'S POV**_

**_I smiled, hearing this phrase daily. _"Only if you believe it is. Though if you don't mind me saying, he does look a bit like you and Joe and Kevin." **

**_Sandy nodded and wiped her eyes. _"But…he can't be…he can't be my Nick…"**

**_I smiled at her denial and looked over to Amanda and Nick and the others, running around, playing tag and forgetting the rules to it. _"I think he might be." **

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

Joe and I were not thrilled when our mom dragged us of the computer from researching Nick and his 'father' and made us come to the park with her and Frankie. After Nick had run off, we knew there would be no chance in catching him and going to his house seemed like a dumb idea so we went home to find out as much as we could…which was not much. It turns out Nick's 'father' likes to keep Nick's personal aspects a secret and it is working pretty well. All we found out was his favorite color, that he plays drums, piano, guitar, keyboard, bass…pretty much everything, and that he has three Grammies already. So his father let out things to brag about but nothing that gave away who Nick or himself really were.

But imagine our surprise when we saw Nick playing with the kids when we wandered to find our mom. I have to say…it was weird to see him smiling and laughing when we normally got the attitude. So seeing him laughing and smiling with about six little kids surrounding him made Joe and I both do a double take. We looked a little father away and saw our mom talking to Diane. We looked back to Nick and saw him holding Amanda out, like she was flying and we started walking forward when we saw the other kids look of envy. This was the perfect opportunity to talk to Nick because he couldn't explode in front of little kids and…I don't know…maybe he would nicer this way.

We watched them for a little while and saw how Nick 'fell' to the ground and head his laughter ring and mix with the chorus of the kids. I am not going to lie but it was really cute and I was smiling from it and I knew Joe was holding back one as well. I nudged Joe and we started walking over. When we entered the group, we both saw how Nick's eyes darkened at our presence, but we ignored it and Amanda seemed rather reluctant to accept us like the other five kids had but Nick whispered something to her and her face brightened instantly and I saw how soft Nick's eyes got when he looked at her. I guess little kids were his one true weakness.

The kids started running around and tagging each other and we joined in, laughing and 'tripping' so they could get us and Joe actually fell a few times…poor him, Stella is going to be so angry at those grass stains…After awhile I noticed the lack of two people and I looked back and saw them sitting a few feet away, Amanda sitting happily in Nick's lap and talking excitedly and Nick was smiling at her words and when he answered she clapped her hands and hugged him, and he…he returned it…This was too weird, even for me!

I looked over to Joe, who had three kids sitting on him, all of them laughing and panting a bit and the last two plopped down next to him and I walked over to Nick, who was still listening to Amanda.

"Someday I am going to be just like you Nicky! I am going to sing and play insuments and be known evywhere around the world! I am going to make lots of money so mommy can have the life she wants and can be happy!" She said, jumping a bit in anticipation and I watched Nick smile and brush a curl from her face.

"If anyone can do that, it's you Amanda." He told her and she smiled and played with the end of her shirt.

"I'm gonna…I'm gonna live in a big house with cleaning people so I will never have to clean my room again and uhh…uhh…I am going to have a pet swan, like Odette and she will be my best friend and maybe…maybe you can live with us Nicky! I would like that a lot…" She trailed off, looking embarrassed and Nick's smile faded and he looked sad and like he wanted that as well.

"Well sweetie, I can't live with you…My dad will be lost without me. But the rest of that story will come true!" He whispered and Amanda pouted a bit but brightened.

"You will visit me when I am a star right Nicky?" She asked, looking at him and Nick smiled but I saw it was forced.

"Everyday." He whispered to her and she smiled, missing the clear lie in Nick's eyes and she also missed the sorrow and longing, but she was only like five, so I did not expect her to see those kinds of signs yet. Better for her to live today happy than to have her hopes and dreams torn down.

I sat down next to them and Nick looked once at me, but I did not see any hostility in his gaze for once, only slight irritation…but hey, I'll take it!

"Hey Nick, Amanda." I greeted and Amanda looked at me, like she as searching me and slowly smiled.

"Hi!" She bubbly greeted and she looked to Nick.

"Hey Kevin." He did not seem too pleased to say those two words but I had a feeling he would do almost anything for Amanda.

"Amanda, I heard what you were saying to Nick and I agree with him. If anyone can follow that dream, it's you!" I told her, adopting a voice similar to what Nick's had been, quiet and caring…only he had more care in his. But Amanda smiled anyway and bounced a bit in Nick's lap, causing him to smile at her happiness.

"I am also going to find my own prince charming, like in all of the fairy tales!" She started and she described every aspect of her dream and I zoned out but I saw Nick, listening intently to every word that flew from her mouth, nodding and smiling and parts of her story.

"Amanda, honey, it's getting late, and we really should go." Diane said, walking up to us with out mom eyeing Nick with uncertainty and like she knew something about him. Amanda pouted but Nick smirked.

"Manda, do as your mommy says ok? I'll miss you too when I am gone on tour but I promised you I would see you again, didn't I?" Nick questioned her and Amanda nodded and hugged Nick tightly and again, Nick returned to hug.

He stood up and pulled her gently to her feet and I rose as well. Amanda took Diane's hand and started crying as she walked away from Nick, her hand never stop waving and her eyes never leaving his. He waved back until they were gone and lowered his hand, running it through his hair and sighed. As he lowered his hand, he yelped like a kicked puppy and grabbed his jacket. Joe ran over as the little kids ran back to play.

"What's wrong?" He asked Nick, who glared at him and when he spoke, he addressed me and my mother, ignoring Joe, like normal.

"I got to get home. Leon will fry my ass if I am out too late!" He said, and I knew he meant what he said and my mom pursed her lips at the swear.

"Who is Leon?" She asked and Nick looked up in surprise.

"Oh, he's my father." He answered.

"You address him by his first name?" She asked, narrowing her eyes and Nick look uneasily back at her.

"He wants me too. He says Dad and daddy are too juvenile and only to call him father in formal meetings and Leon in public." Nick shrugged like it was no big deal.

Mom nodded and looked at us and then back to him, her gaze getting intense and we saw how uncomfortable Nick was getting so we intervened.

"Seven months before we see you again huh Nick? So this is goodbye?" Joe said, sticking out his hand and Nick took it but I saw the dislike in his eyes as he shook hands.

"Maybe when you get back we can hang out more and we may see you on stage…I've been wanting to watch our superior perform for awhile now." I told him truthfully and I held out my hand. Nick smirked a bit and took my hand and I noted the dislike, but it wasn't nearly as much as he held for Joe. Maybe there was hope…if the seven months did not kill him first.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I ran home and made it before curfew and was surprised to see Demi sitting at the kitchen table and talking to Leon. I knocked against the door frame and Leon told me to come in and that I was very nearly late. I sat down one seat from Demi and Leon stood up and left and when he left I was the tears in Demi's eyes. _

"What's wrong?" _I asked her and she smiled to me. _

"Boyfriend issues, but you wouldn't care. I know your kind." 

_I nodded and sighed. _"Look, I'm not a lover but I'm still concerned that if you judge the fire, your heart can still get burned."

_She shook her head and whispered how lame quoting my own songs was but I shrugged. I wrote them so why couldn't I quote them? She stood up and said goodbye, see you tomorrow and Leon showed her out before walking into the kitchen and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and forced me to stand. I lowered my eyes, knowing what was going to happen next and frankly, I stopped caring. I've been through it too many fucking times to care anymore. It was a game to him, one I would never win so why even try to settle to score? This was just another shit ass curve ball in my out of control life. I would be stupid to care anymore. _

_His fist collided with the front of my neck, causing me to gag and choke form the sudden, breath taking contact. He then proceeded to kick my legs out form under me, but he still held me by the neck so for a minute, he was strangling me again, but I regained balance and I put my feet back on the ground. He laughed from my lack of ability to breathe and he let me go, but I did not run, like I would have in the past, when I had no lives on the line. One wrong move and one person I cared about was gone. I hated this life…this burden…this torment and yet I could not end it. Twice I have tried and I knew the third time would not end differently so why would I even bother trying it? I would have to cling to the hope Leon would end it for me, but without touching the ones I considered…friends._

* * *

_JOE'S POV-ONE DAY LATER_

It's been exactly one night since we last saw Nick and now we sat in VIP seats to his first concert. My dad wanted to see the competition and Kevin wanted to see Nick perform…me? I don't know I guess I just wanted to make sure Nick was ok so far. I'll admit, the stage was pretty cool. It was a regular stage with a long catwalk that went about half way into the crowd and their was a second level to it, stairs angling off to the sides of the stage and the second level extending to about half of the catwalk. On top of the stage was a tree like structure with braches and an acoustic guitar on the top most branch.

Demi played flawlessly and the light show was pretty good, but I had a feeling it would go all out for Nick. But somehow, this seemed wrong. He did not seem like the kind of guy that loved to run around on stage…but maybe he would prove me wrong. The lights went completely off and I heard the screams intensify and the drummer count and yell; "1, 2 Come on Nate!"

The guitar started but we could not see where it came from until, BANG the drums started and Nick was fired from under the stage, over the second tier and he flipped once when he was over it and landed perfectly, still playing the guitar and as soon as he landed he started singing and dancing.

"Conspiracy theory  
Better keep it down  
'cause the walls are thin  
and the word is out now  
Like it or Leave it  
don't cha make a sound  
'cause the walls are thin  
and the word is out now

It's better that you didn't know  
better that they didn't show  
Us Why Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real This Time

Conspiracy theory

Gonna make you shake  
Don't hit the breaks No time to waste now Like it or Leave it Better hit the road Cause the world as we know it Gonna Fade away now

Better that you didn't know  
Better that they didn't show  
Us Why Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real This Time

_He ran up to the second tear and the middle separated and rose and slowly went around the entire crowd and I noticed he only had two feet of circle metal to stand on. It did not look safe but when was Leon ever caring about Nick's safety?_

Yeah!

Conspiracy theory

Conspiracy theory

Oh!

Yow! Oh oh! Woo-hoo!

Conspiracy theory

Gonna make you shake  
Don't hit the breaks No time to waste now Like it or Leave it Better hit the road Cause the world as we know it Gonna Fade away now

Better that you didn't know  
Better that they didn't show  
Why we need to live in fear  
Knowing that the threats are real This Time"

Whoa…I suddenly understood why he was the top artist and performer. He was phenomenal. Outstanding. Attention grabbing. He interacted with fans perfectly, dancing and flipping with the guitar, running up the walls and flipping, pretty much doing everything he possibly could to hold their attention. It was…wow.

"How you all doin tonight?" He yelled and the crowd enthusiastically answered with screams.

"Hmm…That don't sound too good now. I asked; how are you all doing tonight?!?!" He screamed and held up his mike. The crowd as almost deafening. "Alright, that's how I like it! Whoo!" He screamed, a smile growing on his face. Were Kevin and I the only ones that knew it was fake? "This next song, only about twenty of you have heard it before so if you girls remember the words, sing it!"

"She's seductive, she does it well  
She'll charge you by the hour  
for a straight trip down to Hell  
She'll correct you, when you think you know  
She's gonna let you go

I'm not a lover, but I'm still concerned  
That when you touch the fire that your heart can still get burned  
I should you warn you that I know She's gonna let me go, she's gonna let me go

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency

I pledge allegiance to the cause  
She'll tell you that she's leaving if you don't put your life on pause  
Just gonna tell you that you'll need it  
She'll surprise you, when you think you know  
She's gonna let you go, she's gonna let you go

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency

I its hard when life's unfair  
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't care  
Show me the way to reach your heart  
Where do I start?

See all those familiar faces  
Crowded in my mind  
Now I know that now is not the time  
Run around with someone else  
Satisfy yourself, but don't fool me  
Don't cha let it be  
A State of emergency"

The lights went off very suddenly, like a power outage and several girls screamed. Kevin clamped my arm in fright and I laughed nervously. But twenty seconds later, the lights flashed on and an acoustic guitar was heard playing but no one knew where…until we looked up. Nick was somehow sitting on the top of the tree like structure, playing without a care, exactly like the first time we met him.

"This town's too small  
For you to run around like you do.  
You're taking things  
That just don't belong to you.  
Picture yourself inside a room now...  
Imagine the freedom that you'll lose.

Well, baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end.  
And, baby, it hurts the most  
When you don't have a friend.  
And you know you broke our trust,  
And now you're stuck  
On the wrong side of the fence.  
Baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end.

I know you're scared  
Somebody will find you out.  
But you're not aware  
We know what you're all about.  
Picture yourself inside a room now...  
And all of your guilt comes down on you.

Well, baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end.  
And, baby, it hurts the most  
When you don't have a friend.  
And you know you broke our trust,  
And now you're stuck  
On the wrong side of the fence.  
Baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end.

{Take it Tommy}

You cry alone;  
Nobody will see you through.  
You made your choice  
There's nothing that you can do.

Well, baby, it all comes back to haunt you  
In the end.  
And, baby, it hurts the most  
When you don't have a friend.  
And you know you broke our trust,  
And now you're stuck  
On the wrong side of the fence.  
Baby, it all comes back to haunt you...  
It all comes back to haunt you...  
It all comes back to haunt you...  
In the end.

He stood up. "Time to kick it up!"

_A guitar and drum and with every drum beat Nick would jump from the next branch and when the drum went crazy he jumped onto the second tier, which was twenty feet down and caused girls to scream. But he was fine and started singing as soon as his feet touched the ground. Demi and four other girls walked out to the end of the cat walk and Nick eyed Demi and she turned and batted her eyelashes. They started dancing to the beat. _

Walk in the room; I'm a man on a mission.  
You're standing there, and I feel that connection.  
I break the ice and I ask what your name is.  
Then I recall that we already did this...  
Somehow I missed it.

_Nick propelled himself over the rail and landed in front of Demi and they started dancing together, the other four girls dancing behind them. _

Keep on moving like you did last summer,  
When the grass was greener and your hair was longer.  
If you become familiar with another in town,  
Don't forget about the fun that we had  
Last time around.

_Demi took the hand of a random guy that just walked on stage and ignored Nick and Nick looked hurt._

You walk around with a new man new band.  
You think it's over but I'm just getting started.  
I try to call but you don't ever answer.  
I'd let you go but you're all that I'm after.  
Can't you remember?

Keep on moving like you did last summer,  
When the grass was greener and your hair was longer.  
If you become familiar with another in town,  
Don't forget about the fun that we had  
Last time around.

_Nick took Demi's hand again and they danced again. _

{That feels good! }

So keep on moving like you did last summer,  
When the grass was greener and your hair was longer.  
If you become familiar with another in town,  
Don't forget about the fun that we had  
Last time around.

Keep on moving like you did last summer,  
When the grass was greener and your hair was longer.  
If you become familiar with another in town,  
Don't forget about the fun that we had  
Last time around.

Last time around!

Yeah, last time aroun-da!

_The lights turned to black but we knew the song was not over._

"WAAA!!!"

_He screamed and turned around, with a guitar and played an amazing solo on his guitar. He was amazing…no doubt about that. _

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

_ I was the King…he my slave. Nothing could turn this concert wrong. He was the perfect puppet and he was all mine. He made the fans, the money, the music, I got to exploit it and own it. The only issue was making sure he stayed my little puppet but I knew his weakness…I knew how to control him. But his anger, his fire…how to permanently extinguish it? But I should not worry…like I said before, I am the King, he is the lowly slave. He is mine. _

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Yeah it royally sucks and I don't feel like proof reading it...but I will. Until Next Update…!_


	16. World War Three

**Chibiyu: **_SWEAR INFEST RANT ALERT!!!! BIG FUN!!! This makes up for the sucky last chapter. _

**Nick: **_…you know I don't swear right?_

**Chibyu:**_…don't contradict the authoress…you know what could happen…_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**LEON'S POV**_

**_I was the King…he my slave. Nothing could turn this concert wrong. He was the perfect puppet and he was all mine. He made the fans, the money, the music, I got to exploit it and own it. The only issue was making sure he stayed my little puppet but I knew his weakness…I knew how to control him. But his anger, his fire…how to permanently extinguish it? But I should not worry…like I said before, I am the King, he is the lowly slave. He is mine. _**

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I was majorly impressed with the whole show and Kevin and I both noticed about half way through, that Nick's eyes held light; this was where he was confident and happy, where he belonged. No one could touch him on stage; it was only him and his music. And a couple thousand fans.

When the fans cleared out after the show, Kevin and I hung back, telling our dad to wait in the car because we wanted to talk to Nick quickly. He had two shows here in Las Angeles so he wasn't going anywhere soon. We got past security, who smiled at us because we've played here multiple times, but I heard one of them laughing on how he dreaded these two bands the most because of all the crazed girls.

When we got into a long hallway, I heard Leon yell something and I held out my arm to stop Kevin and we pressed ourselves against the wall, listening to the raised voices.

"Yes, you will you ungrateful idiot! Or do I have to remind you of the consequences?!?" Leon screamed and it sounded like hit had hit a wall...better that than Nick's head. "I've tried to be nice about it but I am done with nice! YOU. WILL. DO. AS. I. SAY!!!" I glanced around the corner and saw a maroon Leon, fists clenched so tightly they were white, pupils dilated and deranged. He only had eyes for the enraged teen before him.

Nick's eyes held such an intense fire that I cringed as his mouth opened in a soundless growl. His fists were clenched as well, but more for defensive than offense and he was shaking with rage.

"No way, you shit ass fag! I don't need this! I hate you! Damn you to fucking hell! I don't need another douche screwing up my already fucked up life!! Leave me them hell alone and fuck off! I am done! I hate this stupid life! All I've ever done is taken your crap and I've taken it silently! Do what you will with Joe, Kevin, Amanda, Diane! I am done! I'll see you in Hell!" He yelled, his face going from pale to red in an instant. Kevin walked to my side and watched as well and we both almost shouted out in fear, forgetting that Leon was using us and Amanda and Diane as a threat to Nick, forgetting they did not know we were here, and forgetting everything but the scene in front of us.

Leon pulled a gun from his pocket and grabbed Nick's neck with his other hand and shoved him against the wall, but their was no fear in Nick's eyes…in fact…it looked more like he was _daring _Leon to pull the trigger.

"Do it…But do you really want to lose your money making slave?" Nick spat out, quite brave when death was pushing against the underside of his chin.

Leon looked like he was caught between wanting to kill and greed. I hoped the greed overrode his anger, but I knew Nick hoped otherwise. Leon gnashed his teeth and pulled the gun off from Nick.

"The second this tour is over, you're over." He threatened and Nick shrugged.

"Not guts to do it now?" He goaded and Leon put the gun back in his pocket and slapped Nick, hard. We could hear the contact and Nick just turned to look back at Leon, no pain in his eyes, only a fiery hate. "You disgust me. One slap? That's a new low for you Leon." He challenged and Leon breathed fire. He hit Nick again and followed up with four kicks, two in the stomach, one to the legs and another to the head, but again, Nick just stood straight and there was no sign of the pain that should be there, nothing. He smirked. _What are you doing Nick? Do you want to start World War III?_

I looked to Kevin and he seemed to understand and he dragged me around to the first room we walked into. "Nick is hoping to goad Leon too far…" He started, looking really scared.

"You mean…?"

Kevin nodded. "Nick wants Leon to kill him tonight…and I think Leon will do it."

Fear held my heart and I wanted to run to Nick and put that evil man behind bars, but I knew I could not, which frightened me more. I did not want to loose my brother again…especially after I just found him. And the fact he walked so willingly into the pain, into what he hoped to be death's arms, it killed me. Was his life really so bad that the only way for it to look up was for him to die? No…it's not…it can't be his only option.

"We have to get Leon out of his life. He is killing him…remember in the park yesterday?" I asked and Kevin nodded, looking confused. "That was the real Nick…and Leon is killing him, turning him slowly into stone, into a puppet that only feels sadness and hate…we have to break through to him…we have to save him."

We started turning to the door when we heard footsteps approaching it and Nick forced the door open and look up, and stopped, shock all over his features.

"Why did you stop you little…?" Leon angrily asked and he looked over Nick's shoulder and stopped as well, hiding his surprise better than Nick.

"Joe, Kevin…what a surprise." Nick quickly said, trying to cover up Leon's last sentence and we did not forget it, nor did we ask about it. "What…what are you doing here?" He asked, walking into the room, and I noticed the lack of his old hostility and I looked over to see Leon watching him. I looked over to Nick who was watching Leon and he sighed and turned back to me, a glare meeting my astonished gaze.

Kevin broke the rather awkward silence. "We saw your show and wow…I understand why you are number one!" He said clapping and Nick barely inclined his head in thanks. Ok, major character change there but we knew the real Nick, but we also knew there was no way we could bring him out with Leon here.

The door's behind us opened and we all turned to face our dad. He looked up and smiled at Nick, who nodded and walked over to Leon and started talking about the song we performed with Nick and they walked out of the room, talking business. Kevin watched them leave but I was watching Nick, who visibly relaxed when Leon had left, but he did not lose the jerk attitude.

"Why are you here?" Nick asked again, eyes only on Kevin. I sighed and his gaze swiveled to mine. "What did you hear?" He asked, eyes narrowing and I knew he had known we where there. "I saw your shadows, I know you were listening, what did you hear?" He demanded and Kevin bit his lip, torn between the hard truth and soft lies.

I walked over to Nick until I was right in front of him and I noticed him cringe away from the closeness. "We heard you're swearing rant and we saw Leon pull a gun on you and hit you. We saw you egg him on. Don't let him get you so easily!" I told him, my voice low but caring and Nick rolled his eyes.

"What does it matter twerp? I've known this tour was going to be my last for about a year now so it doesn't matter if I speed up the process…There is really no point in trying to enjoy my last seven months anyway." He stated and I was shocked by the amount of uncaring in his voice.

Kevin walked over and stood by my side. "This is not the only way!" He told Nick, his voice quivering a bit and Nick looked to the side, not meeting our gazes.

"It is for me." He told us, for a second losing his rock hard demeanor. "But whatever, I don't have anything to look forward to in my life so why does it matter to you?" He hissed, meeting our gazes again with a renewed glare.

I sighed and looked right into his dead brown eyes. "Because Nick, you're our brother." Nick shook his head and looked away, but I saw the lack of contradiction in his eyes. "If you know it, than why don't you leave him?"

"What is he going to do to Joe, Amanda, Diane and me if you don't obey him Nick?" Kevin asked suddenly, remembering Nick's yells from earlier.

Nick did not answer but his silence was enough for us. That and the fact his eyes lost their hate and anger and gained pain and sorrow. He looked to his feet and pressed his lips tightly together. He walked away from us and sat down on the edge of the couch and took his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths as Kevin and I walked over and sat beside him. We did not speak, we did not stare at Nick, we only sat and looked at the wall or floor, not moving much and we waited for him to speak.

"He's…He's going to kill you." Nick whispered, not lifting his head. "He's going to murder everyone that I was stupid enough to befriend…stupid enough to care about and those four were dumb enough to care back…and now I can't…I can't…you four won't let me push you away. Especially you two…leave my life alone, forget about me, if you want to live. I was your brother in the past, but I'm not anymore. Just…please go." His hands clenched in his hair and his voice became more urgent with every word and he was very close to tears with the last two.

I wanted to hug him and to tell him it would be ok, that we would not let him get to us or Amanda and Diane, but I knew that Nick hated contact and who could blame the poor teen? He had been beaten, abused and raped and he still is going on and living through that everyday. But I also did not want to reach out to him in case his dad saw and I knew that would cause Nick more pain…so what can I do? I looked over to Kevin and he seemed to be fighting the same dilemma and he met my gaze as Nick's shoulders started shaking with silent sobs and we both nodded, feeling the risk was nothing compared to Nick's broken heart. I pulled Nick, very gently, over into my lap and into a hug as Kevin rubbed his back comfortingly. To my surprise, Nick's arms came around me and he openly sobbed into my chest, finally reaching out and letting go.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I never knew how much I needed to cry, to let it out, until I started to and I found I could not stop it like I have in the past. It all just exploded from the tiny container of my heart and it flooded everything. I also never knew how much I needed a hug from someone who actually cared and stayed with me, even though they knew of the danger they faced. I never knew what it was like to have someone like that…let alone two people…but it didn't matter. It did not matter how much I needed them because this could cause Leon to kill them and I'd rather have them forget about me than lie in the ground, never to breathe again. I've lived without anyone before and I can do it again…I have too. _

_But right now…I could barely move due to the amount of sorrow I was facing and reliving. The amount of pain Leon forced onto me and the burden of other's lives was too much for me, too much for anyone. I couldn't carry it much longer…this weight would be the death of me...in fact; I think that was what Leon wanted. He had his millions from me and from slaves before me, he has successfully hidden the fact he is a murderer, a pedophile, and escaped prostitute for thirty years now and I know this because he likes to brag about it and if I told anyone, off with their heads. So why would he care if another death happened in his life?_

"Joe? Kevin?" _I whispered through my sobs. _"I…I'm sorry I was…such a jerk to you…but now…you know why…"_Joe's arms tightened around me, only I did not care, nor was I repulsed by his or Kevin's touch. I was too long gone in grief to feel discomfort at the moment. Kevin and Joe both told me it was fine and they understood. _"Then you'll understand why I have to be one now and in the future?" _I shakily asked them and they both told me they did. _

_I slowly allowed myself to relax in Joe's arms, which was terribly difficult because over the ten years I've lived with Leon, I lost the ability to relax, for I was always expecting either a fan mauling or Leon's fist. Joe rested his head gently on the top on mine as my tears slowly came to a stop, on their own this time and I smiled. So this is what it is like to have brother's…_

_I closed my tired eyes and enjoyed this for a minute more, always listening for either Leon's or…my dad's…footsteps coming our way, but so far, nothing. I wish I had a choice in this war, but no, I was caught in the middle of two lethal sides; Leon's and the Lucas's. I really hope the Lucas's win. Leon can go rot forever in jail and then in hell for all I care. _

_After another minute I pulled away from Joe and sat in between them and I took off my jacket, forgetting about the numerous scars that were sure to frighten Joe and Kevin. But if they were scared by them, they did not let it show. Joe actually traced one, a repulsed look on his face and I let him. I don't care what they thought of it…it was my only way to release it all, for awhile anyways and half of them were not even cause by me or by fans. That half was all Leon and it's not like I had a say in that matter. _

_I rested my head on Kevin's shoulder and he seemed surprised by it but I saw him smile when he thought I wasn't looking. I also saw the saddened looks my…brothers…exchanged when they though my gaze elsewhere, but I did not comment, I just let them worry. Joe shifted next to me and put his am around my shoulders and scooted a bit closer but to my pleasant surprise, even without the heart wrenching sorrow, I could still easily endure it. Maybe it was because I knew they meant me no harm, or maybe it's because they cared, or maybe it was simply because they were my brothers._

"You did an awesome job out there Nicky." _Joe informed me and I scowled at the nickname and Kevin, having heard it before, laughed. _

Please don't call me that." _I asked him and Joe chuckled._"But it is better than Nate." 

_Joe sighed and put his head on my shoulder after lowering his arm. I closed my eyes again. I never knew what it felt like to be safe and content, until now. _

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_This was fun to write…and sad but happy…do it below or die!!!(jk)!!! A good name for this would also be "Turn Right"...Until Next Update!_

**IMPORTANT NOTE: Vote for the Jonas Brothers at goldenchoiceawards(.)com! They are nominated in the music category for BEST ALBUM and the person of the year category AND best Artist/duo/group! Please vote as many times so that they could win! Clearly, they deserve it!**

**NICK JONAS AND THE ADMINISTRATION WAS VOTED FOR "BEST SONG"**


	17. Pushin Me Away

**Chibiyu: **_I know you all loved last chapter so I have to fix that…_

**Nick: **_...shit…_

**Chibiyu: **_…I thought you didn't swear…_

**Nick: **_I am allowed to when you control my fate. _

**Chibiyu: **_…point taken…_

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**NICK'S POV**_

**"You did an awesome job out there Nicky." _Joe informed me and I scowled at the nickname and Kevin, having heard it before, laughed. _**

**"Please don't call me that." _I asked him and Joe chuckled._"But it is better than Nate." **

**_Joe sighed and put his head on my shoulder after lowering his arm. I closed my eyes again. I never knew what it felt like to be safe and content, until now. _**

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

_I was an angel and Nicholas should praise my name in song with his sweet voice. I was doing him the ultimate favor by keeping him from his real family, or in other words, his real annoyance of a father. I barely could stand the 43 minutes I spent this guy and I finally figured out why Joe and Kevin turned out the way they did. Bad parenting. But I wasn't trying to be a parent to Nicholas, so I did not count. But seriously, every word out of his mouth was blah JONAS blah blah Joe blah World War Three blah blah blah Kevin blah Nate Blah blah fricking blah! He'd never shut up! I only agreed to have Nicholas sing Word War Three with his two interfering knuckleheads of sons so he would shut his trap! _

_Great…more work with my ungrateful slave…he had to put on a better show than the Lucas buys and make it look effortless…But I've done the impossible before. And the worst part about this whole situation, I was missing the show of Nicholas yelling at his good for nothing brothers', as I told him to do if he ever see's them again. I could not watch him with this idiot in the room, so I best get back to him soon. _

"Great, so your sons and mine well sing World War Three tomorrow night. I got to say Leon, your son has talent!" _Tom Lucas ranted and raved and I barely hid my growing irritation, he was like that annoying buzzing fly that would not go away. The only time I would be happy to spend with this guy was when he was on his knees and I pulled the trigger. _

"Well, we'd better go and tell Joe, Kevin and Nick the good news!" _I said without thinking. _

"Nick?" _He asked, genuinely confused as I started walking to hide my astonished expressing. I should not have let that slip…_

"Yes, His stage name is Nate. It helps him live a more normal life. His real name is Nick, just Nick." _I said, not giving anything more away but this man couldn't possible find the connections and connect the dots. _

_I pushed open the door that shielded the boys' room our view and Tom ran in first, wanting to tell them. I was pleased to discover that Nicolas was in the exact spot we had left him in and Joe and Kevin were looking at him in confusion, which they quickly tried to hide while Nick remained closed off and cold. My little slave was either to upset or too afraid to disobey my orders…perfect. _

"Boys, good news!" _Mr. Lucas nearly yelled and three gazes turned to him. _"Tomorrow night you three will be performing World War Three!" _He clapped and Joe and Kevin did a high five, fake joy on their faces and Nick nodded once, not really one to smile. But all of their eyes held unease that only I could see. Nick turned his gaze onto me and it looked like he was begging me to make them leave, one wish we both had in common. _

"Alright, I hate to cut this meeting short but Nick had a big day today and another tomorrow and the next day so I think we are going to turn in for the night." _I smoothly said and I saw Joe throw Nick an analyzing glance, but I failed to see the worry in his eyes and I also missed how Nick shrugged ever so slightly. _

"Of course!" _Mr. Lucas said, stumbling forward, hand outstretched and I took it, eyeing how Joe and Kevin stiffly shook Nick's hand so their dad would be happy about it. I almost smiled. Mr. Lucas shook Nick's hand and Nick looked like he would rather be punched in the face than in contact with this guy. And then, we were alone. _

_I walked over to Nicholas and smirked as I saw him tense more and more with every step I took in his direction and I roughly put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched from the contact. All I felt was glee from his obvious fear of me. _

"You did well tonight so no punishment but if the Lucas' outshine you tomorrow…" _I trailed off, laughing at the way he tensed from my words and winced as I squeezed his shoulder until he cried out in sudden pain. _

_I pushed him through the door and into the awaiting limo and I starred at him for the entire car ride home, him shifting uncomfortably under my gaze. As soon as we entered the house, I forced him up to his room and locked the door, knowing he would not dare try anything on his life because of the threat I held above his head about the dear lives of the ones whom cared. _

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_Right now, locking me in was the best thing Leon could have done for me. I needed to be alone, to process what the heck had happened between Joe, Kevin and I. I changed and showered quickly and collapsed into bed, not exactly tired but weary from the thoughts and confusion and feeling's I've never before felt, like love and a shred of safety, knowing I would have them to run too if life became too much again. They were my knife, in a way, except they could actually talk back. I lay back and inspiration hit me but I did not move to write it down, but instead saved it in my memory for a bitter day. My phone vibrated and I vaguely remembered Joe taking it from me and adding his number and mine into his. _

**Hey. Good thing you heard them in hall huh?**

**~Danger**

_I smiled a bit at his nickname and started replying, my fingers moving like lightening. _

**Yeah. I guess. **

**~President**

_His reply was almost instant. _

**Nice name. What's wrong?**

_I sighed; maybe I could evade answering that. _

**Nothing. Just tired. **

_I closed my eyes and waited for his not so long coming reply. _

**Nick, tell me. Oh and Kevin says hi. **

_I smirked a bit at the oddness and how he knew. _

**Hey Kevin. It's nothing really…I'm just trying to process what I'm feeling right now. Can't say I've had a lot of love or comfort in my life.**

_I quickly hit the send button before I lost my nerve and I listened hard but I could not hear Leon coming in the hall and I turned my phone on silent just as Joe's reply came but I was almost too afraid to open and read it. What would he think of what I just said? Only one way to find out…_

**That's…terrible Nick. Kevin and I are here for you man. **

_I smiled and relaxed into my pillow. _

**:-) thanks guys. **

_I waited for his reply._

**Did Leon do anything to you tonight?**

_I shook my head and sighed, knowing I would have to put up with this question for seven months. _

**No, he just locked me in my room, Nothing new. I'd better get to bed. Night.**

_I could almost see the look of relief on their faces when they read that I was unscathed and then pity when they found that I was used to being locked in my room. _

**Good…I think. Night Nicky. :~)**

_I did not respond back but I smiled at the nickname, even if it did make me sound Amanda's age, it still made me feel better. I shifted against my pillow and closed my eyes, my thoughts finally settling on one answer as to what I was feeling; happiness. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I was overjoyed when Nick confided in me what was wrong because I had no idea how he would take the question and respond to me caring about his wellbeing. But then I started thinking that if Leon ever found out that we knew we were brothers then bad things would happen, very bad things. So Kevin and I would have to act indifferent around Nick and he was already pretty good at acting like he hated us so I wasn't too worried about that. But this would probably be one of the hardest things we would ever have to do, and that includes keeping what we know away form our parents. They would just make it harder for the secret to stay a secret because they would freak out and get courts involved and make Nick's life worse than it already is.

I mean, he has known that he was going to die at the end of this tour for months and yet he does nothing about because he can do nothing! He gets abused everyday and tormented by Leon and he has to take it, he has no choice. And now we know why. Leon is holding our lives over his head. I am surprised he can take that kind of burden alone. But again…he has no choice.

"Joe?" Kevin asked and I looked up at him.

"Yeah Kev?"

He seemed to ponder his words and he bit his lip. "What if…Leon does something and we aren't there to stop it? What if…we can't stop him from…you know…at the end of the tour?"

I looked down at my hands, having thought the same thing. "We will stop it Kevin, even if we have to kidnap Nick, we will stop him."

Kevin nodded, but still both of us were left to worry. We were not going to be there for Nick in the seven months he was alone with Leon…I hope he will be ok…yes he can call and text us but no we can't physically be there for him because dad won't allow us to use the private jet…unless we can somehow convince Frankie to trick him. But that was unlikely; our youngest brother drove a hard bargain.

………

In the morning, Dad drove us all to Nick's house to hang out like Leon told him before we would head out so the adults could finalize details. When we knocked, the same maid answered and showed us to Leon, who was in a study/library of some sort and he told us Nick was in the backyard swimming. We walked out and saw his words were true. Nick was jumping on the end of his diving board and going higher and higher until he jumped out and flipped before diving flawlessly into the giant pool. We walked to the shallow end where he had surfaced.

"Hey." I called when he popped up and he wiped the water form his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair before answering.

"Hey." He greeted pulling himself out of the pool with his arms. "Why are you here so early?" he asked grabbing a towel.

We sat next to him and pushed his face into the towel, showing us his numerous scars without a care and I bit my tongue to stop from remarking. "Our dad needed to finalize things with Leon." Kevin told Nick and he nodded, taking the towel from his face and looking up at us without a glare.

But now the silence was a dilemma…what do you say to a brother you thought you lost ten years ago? But thankfully, we were spared form saying anything when Nick's phone rang and he answered it.

"Hey Demi. What's wrong? Really? Crap…ok…yeah…feel better soon okay? Ok…yeah I'll tell him. Thanks, I'll need the luck. Bye." He ended the call and swore under his breath and held his head in his hands.

"Nick?" I asked him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Demi's sick and her doctor told her no singing. And now I have to tell Leon…" He sighed angrily and pushed himself to his feet, a scowl on his face. We stood with him and he gave us a grateful smile for we both knew Leon wouldn't dare do anything to him while we were with him. We started walking and he picked up his abandoned shirt and led us back to the study and he seemed to steel himself before he knocked on the door.

"Enter." Leon said and Nick pushed open the door, his face emotionless. "Ah, Nicholas, Joe, Kevin, come in." So we did.

"Bad news father. Demi is sick and can't sing tonight or until she gets on 'Ok' from her doctor. She just called me and said her manager would call you in a minute." Nick informed him rather formerly and Leon swore under his breath, just like Nick did earlier, only Leon's swear was worse. Contrary to what you would expect, my dad looked ecstatic.

"Joe, Kevin, how about you guys open for Nick with the show you've been working on for Ms. Avril Lavigne, who canceled her tour yesterday?" Our dad asked us, oblivious to Leon's obvious disproval. Kevin and I exchanged glances and nodded both knowing that if we did this, it would put Nick in a bad position, but we would be there for him to try and stop Leon. And yet we had to act like we hated each other…hmm…this would be difficult but hopefully, doable.

"Yeah!" Kevin said enthusiastically and I nodded with a smile and Nick remained closed off as he starred deadly at the row of book on the wall.

"I couldn't ask your sons to do this Tom. Let's talk in private." Leon said, ushering us out the door and Nick led us up to his room and he sat on his bed, a scowl on his face again.

"What's wrong Nick? This is great! Leon won't dare hurt you with us around!" Kevin tired, ignoring my constant shushes. Nick glared at him and seemed to blow up in rage.

"How is this great?!?" He yelled and we looked nervously at each other. "Leon will kill me and you both if he finds out what we know! This only makes it more dangerous and a thousand times worse! Do you not care for your own lives?!?" He screamed, disbelief on every one of his features and irritation in his eyes, but not anger, I noticed.

"Nick…we…" I started but he cut me off.

"Don't 'Nick' me! I know so much more about what you've just done than you could even fathom to guess! You dove straight into the devil's clutches and he will not let you go. Did you even stop and think about what could happen? Demi sounded really bad and I don't think she will be fit to sing for awhile and Leon will kick her off the tour and you will be a permanent opening act and that is terrible!" Nick seemed to deflate more and more with each word that flew from his lips and he sat down again, having stood in the midst of his fury, and he put his head in his hands. "You have no idea what you've just done…" He whispered and we sat on either side of him but before we could touch him he stood up, muttering something about a quick shower and he grabbed clothes and walked into his bathroom and locked the door.

"He's right…" I whispered. "We didn't think…but I am not changing my mind." Kevin shook his head and told me the same and we both got up and left his room and went downstairs to wait. I couldn't blame him for pushing me and Keinv away but how was I supposed to be the brother he needed when he kept closing us out?

I was too lost in thought to see Leon walk up the stairs to Nick's room, with a rather evil smile on his face.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_I. HATE. WRITER'S. BLOCK!!!!! Until Next Update…_

**IMPORTANT NOTE: Vote for the Jonas Brothers at goldenchoiceawards(.)com! They are nominated in the music category for BEST ALBUM and the person of the year category AND best Artist/duo/group! Please vote as many times so that they could win! Clearly, they deserve it!**

**NICK JONAS AND THE ADMINISTRATION WAS VOTED FOR "BEST SONG"**


	18. Stronger

**Chibiyu: **_Writers block still sucks. _

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

* * *

**JOE'S POV**

**"Don't 'Nick' me! I know so much more about what you've just done than you could even fathom to guess! You dove straight into the devil's clutches and he will not let you go. Did you even stop and think about what could happen? Demi sounded really bad and I don't think she will be fit to sing for awhile and Leon will kick her off the tour and you will be a permanent opening act and that is terrible!" Nick seemed to deflate more and more with each word that flew from his lips and he sat down again, having stood in the midst of his fury, and he put his head in his hands. "You have no idea what you've just done…" He whispered and we sat on either side of him but before we could touch him he stood up, muttering something about a quick shower and he grabbed clothes and walked into his bathroom and locked the door. **

**"He's right…" I whispered. "We didn't think…but I am not changing my mind." Kevin shook his head and told me the same and we both got up and left his room and went downstairs to wait. **

**We were too lost in thought to see Leon walk up the stairs to Nick's room, a rather evil smile on his face. **

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

_I opened my little slave's door without so much as a knock just as he walked from the bathroom, shirtless, but otherwise clothed and a worried scowl covering his beautiful face. His eyes instantly met mine and I found glee in the fact that they hardened in anger and hate, and he froze; my mere presence turning him into a statue. I walked in and closed the door behind me and fear entered his eyes as I cut off his only chance of escape, but he allowed no fear to show in his body language. _

"You thought I didn't know." _I sneered, watching him narrow his eyes slightly but he remained closed off. _"I know that you found your brothers' and have a less than…wanted…relationship with them. Stay away from them, act as an ass, or you watch them die…or better yet, you will pull the trigger." _I threatened and his eyes widened and he took a small step back, terror flooding his face as all colour left. I smiled, finding only joy in his obvious horror. _

"How…?" _He whispered his voice shaking like a terrified rabbit and I walked over to him and spun him around, forcing him roughly into the wall, his exposed back to me and I felt him shake and flinch from my touch. I said nothing, I was not going to tell him I had bugged everywhere he went with camera's and microphones, that I knew everything he did and who he spoke too, that I knew everything about his pathetic life. Instead, I hit him hard in the side of his face and he bit back a wince. But I felt no anger, no irritation form his discovery, in fact, I was only doing this because I was bored and he was my favorite source of entertainment, his screams and whimpers better than any movie, any girl. _

_I wordlessly pulled my pocket knife from my pocket and pressed the flat to his back and he shudder from its cold touch. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was afraid, not used to the harsh bite of knives, but I knew better. _

"Scream…I dare you." _I whispered sinisterly into his ear with rage I did not feel and he shivered but stayed silent. He tired and failed to control his frantic breathing…if he wanted to die, then why was he afraid of pain? I turned to knife to its blade and Nick quickly relaxed his back as much as he could, knowing tensing would only increase the sting. _

_The first cut was small and shallow, but it caused Nick to inhale sharply and flinch a bit, but he remained silent. The second was larger, but just as shallow as the first I saw him grit his teeth and his knuckles turned white from him fisting them, but he remained silent. The third, I showed no mercy. I dug the knife into his left shoulder blade and torn in down to this right waist and he gasped out and whimpered, throwing his head against the wall from the agony, but he remained silent. I told him to stay and I went into his bathroom and was back in less than twenty seconds, to find he had not moved, but a single tear was attached to his cheek. I smiled. _

_I covered the old rag with the alcohol I had known Nick kept for his cuts and I poured it on the rag and pressed it hard into Nicholas's new cuts and he shouted out, but his mouth was closed and it sounded like a high hiss of a tea kettle, low enough to be unheard, but loud enough for me to know his pain_. _He withered, but could not get away and I roughly bandaged his back and threw a shirt over his head, making sure to scratch the agitated skin. I smiled before waling out and leaving him to his own pain, knowing he would never again allow his brothers' to help, no matter how close he was to breaking, he knew he was doomed to forever be alone. _

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_I always thought I knew what it was like to hit rock bottom, but no, I've never felt anything as intense, as scary, and as painful as this. Joe and Kevin…they would never understand and I could never tell them why I would be acting so evil, so cold around them…I could never even say a simple sorry to them for my attitude…this was going to kill them…but it was the only way to save them. And to save myself. I could never be the one to pull a trigger, much less hold a gun…I could barely hold a knife and I doubt I could do it at someone else's throat. _

_I opened my door and went outside through the side door, my IPod in my hand, and I made sure I was silent and invisible. I needed to be alone right now…I ran outside to the very back of our large backyard and collapsed on a rock and leaned on the tall wooden fence before I turned on my IPod and put it to a melody I had written, but it still needed words…but I knew that now was the time to make them…_

_I silently dedicated the song to Joe and Kevin as I listened to the first chord, words already popping into my head and I closed my eyes, letting them flow. _

"Wake up  
To the alarm and the phone  
Trying to stick out  
Stuck in the world don't belong

Sometimes  
Something so right can be wrong  
And the week ends  
Gravity's taking its toll

I wanna know I'm not the only one around  
Can show me something deeper than I've found  
I wanna know you'll be with me  
When everything around is falling down  
When I finally get these feet back on the ground

In the sunshine down on my face  
Braking through  
Old things that were once lost now are new  
Hey

I wanna know I'm not the only one around  
Can show me something deeper than I've found  
I wanna know you'll be with me  
When everything around is falling down  
When I finally get these feet back on the ground

Whoa ho  
Whoa ho  
Yeah

You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
Than I've ever been now  
Yeah

You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
Than I've ever been now

I wanna know I'm not the only one around  
Can show me something deeper than I've found  
I wanna know you'll be with me  
When everything around is falling down  
When I finally get these feet back on the ground

Back on the ground  
Oh  
Back on the ground  
You're making me stronger

You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
Than I've ever been now

You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
You're making me stronger  
Than I've ever been now"

_I think at some point in the song, I started crying, but I was too into the music, too used to tears, to register it fully. I opened my eyes and of course, I was alone. Half of me wished Joe and Kevin were here, listening but the other half wished I had never met them, never told them my name, never gave them my trust. It would have been better for us if I had just driven them away…but no…I had to have been an idiot and ruined mine and their lives. This was my entire fault. _

_I had no idea how long I sat out here, enjoying the calm breeze and warm sun, but only my horrid thoughts were here to keep me company. I tried to shut Kevin and Joe from my mind as well as heart. I tried to lock away the brotherly feelings and memories of brotherly moments. I tried to shut away the love and kindle the burning embers of hate…I had to make them lose their brother for a second time, and this time, I would not be coming back. _

_I stood and started walking back to the house when my choreographer ran up to me, her blond hair tied back and she told me that we had to go over the World War Three routine before I went back inside. It was Leon's order for me to best Joe and Kevin and I had no choice…what else was new?_

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

Nick walked in with some girl who was barley dressed and she ran off to the hall and Nick rolled his eyes and I froze form the haunted look in them and he met my gaze with a glare and he said nothing when he walked passed us, the empty room echoing with his footsteps. Joe reached out and stopped him and Nick looked like he was steeling himself.

"What did he do?" Joe hissed and Nick swatted Joe's hand away, sending him an uber mean glare before walking away.

Joe stood, stunned and I looked around, making sure Leon was not in the room, and he wasn't…he had gone off with our dad to get Nick's tour bus ready and go to the stage early. It was only Nick, Joe, that maid, that girl, and me in this house…but did Nick know that? We both ran after him and saw him at the top of the stairs, sliding down the banister without a care.

"Nick, Leon's not here. Talk to us!" I begged him And Joe stepped in from of him, blocking Nick's only escape route, a worried look on his face as Nick's eyes sparkling with held down tears. "Nick…what's wrong?"

Joe reached out and grabbed his shoulders and Nick flinched and his eyes widened but Nick did not give him the chance to speak. He pushed Joe to the ground and jumped over him and walked out the front door and into his limo without a backwards glance. What did Leon say to him?

I reached down and offered Joe a hand, which he took gratefully and we both looked to each other, the same question on our faces.

"What did Leon do?" Joe whispered and then he punched to wall and I jumped. "God I am so stupid! We shouldn't have let him out of our sight! This is our fault! If we would have been there like we promised than none of this would have happened!" Joe yelled out in frustration but I grasped his shoulders and looked directly into his eyes, seeing the panic and worry and guilt.

"Joe…we couldn't have stopped it, only delayed it, you know that. It's not our fault and its not Nick's…its all Leon's. No matter what we do, we won't be able to stop him so right now, stop blaming yourself and get your butt in gear! We need to prove to Nick that we are going to stand by him, even if he has to be a jerk! We need to be there for him, now more than ever. So let's go!" I told him, and I saw a light in his eyes of determination and he nodded and ran out, throwing me the keys.

………

We got to the venue and went in back, briefly seeing Nick signing autographs for the twenty fans that were already waiting outside. We ran inside and our dad briefed us about what we were going to do and we nodded and checked out the stage and did a quick sound check with Demi and Nick finally walked in, Leon's arm lightly wrapped around his shoulder and I saw Joe look worried. But Nick did not look any worse than he did before so I guess that was a good sign…

Nick climbed on the stage with a single leap and Leon pulled himself up and they walked over to us together, Nick looking very small next to him. We wordlessly set up for the song, Nick getting set up with a wireless and handless mike and guitar and Kevin the same and I held a mike. The lights darkened and Nick took center stage, closing his eyes for a second and when he opened them, I knew he was ready. Leon informed us to not go all out via the mike in our ears and Nick nodded, obviously reading between the lines. So we played and nothing extraordinary happened but I had a feeling that Nick would out perform us in the show.

After the sound check, Nick walked off and was talking with his band and teaching them a new song and Joe and I walked over to listen to what Nick had said he wrote today and it was called Stronger (Back on the Ground). I looked over to Joe and we both knew where the inspiration came from and it was really good.

………

I was right, Nick outshined us effortlessly on stage and most of the fans were screaming for us, only some glared.

………

It was after the show and thankfully, it was not our final goodbye, but it felt to me, like that had already happened with Nick being so cold and distant. Maybe Joe and I were really to late…no…nothing is ever too late.

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

_I followed Nicholas onto the bus and I was please my little threat had put him in his place. He had not spoken or reached out his brothers' in anyway after my little talk with him. I finally had him exactly where I wanted him and he knew there was only one escape, but he didn't dare risk the lives of Joe, Kevin, Diane and Amanda for freedom. He was too soft, too weak to stomach death of a loved one. And that made him easy prey. _

_After waving to the fans through a window, he collapsed on the coach and rubbed his temple's, eyes closed and I dimmed the lights for my little rockstar and he looked suspiciously at me, his eyes squinting a bit from his headache. I sat next to him and he inched away and I smirked before grasping his wrist tightly and pulling him back over. _

"I think I need to finish what I started this morning." _I whispered into his ear and he shivered in discomfort and tensed from fear. This was going to be a fun seven months. _

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Still brain dead and suffering from writers block… no time to proof read...exams next week so updates are the least of my worries. Until Next Update!_


	19. Close Your Eyes

**Chibiyu: **_Writers block still sucks. _

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**LEON'S POV **_

**_After waving to the fans through a window, he collapsed on the coach and rubbed his temple's, eyes closed and I dimmed the lights for my little rockstar and he looked suspiciously at me, his eyes squinting a bit from his headache. I sat next to him and he inched away and I smirked before grasping his wrist tightly and pulling him back over. _**

**"I think I need to finish what I started this morning." _I whispered into his ear and he shivered in discomfort and tensed from fear. This was going to be a fun seven months. _**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_I rolled out of my bunk at 4 am, way too early but still…I needed to move, to get away from the visions of them…laying their own blood which also stained my own hands and the gun I clenched tightly. But nightmares weren't the thing I was worried about. I winced as my newly bruised feet hit the ground and I silently moved into the kitchen, careful not to wake Leon and the dim glow of my charging cell phone was the only thing that provided light. I sat on the counter and starred at the fading darkness and the occasional car as the bus trucked on and I leaned against the glass, enjoying the coolness emanating from it. And that was when everything seemed to rush back to me. _

_Leon holding the dull knife to my throat, whispering how he wished he could do this now and how much he wanted to do it Joe and Kevin. Leon threatening Amanda and Diane, Leon holding their lives over my head while he ruined mine. I brought my head to my hands, trying to hold it all in, to forget how to feel, but that never worked…sometimes, you just couldn't hold back the pain and act like everything was alright, even though life was splitting at the seams. I felt the first tear run down my arm and I winced as it ran over a healing scar that Leon earlier had made, but I made no attempt to move or stop the tears, I let them fall even though I knew I would only feel worse when they stopped falling. My phone vibrated and I picked it up and opened the text before Leon heard it. _

**Nick…I see you. Are you…wait dumb question. What did he do? What did he tell you?**

**~Danger**

_I shook my head and ignored the text, wanting with all my shriveled heart to reply, but I wanted them to live while I slowly died. I set my phone on silent and put it face up in front of me and looked back out the window to see Joe and Kevin's bus next to mine, Joe looking at me through the window, concerned. I shifted under his gaze, but did not look away and Joe mouthed "What's up?" and I shook my head and looked away. My phone got another text moments later. _

**Nick please tell me. Wait…Leon…does he know?**

_I looked out the window and allowed Joe to see my tears and nodded once and Joe gasped and put his hand over his mouth. I looked away and slid down form the counter, unable to take this anymore and I knew Joe saw my every movement, but I did not care. This was the only was to save what tiny shred of sanity I had left, the only way to save my soul. The phone lightened again in another text but I ignored it and opened a drawer and pulled out the exact knife Leon had used earlier on me and my phone brightened again and I turned to see Joe's frantic pleading for me to not do this, but he didn't understand, he never would. _

_I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking and I placed the blade on my forearm, already anticipating sweet release when there was a loud knock on the window and I jerked my eyes open and gasped out silently before dropping the knife on the counter and opening the window and grabbing Joe by the arm and pulling him in, my heart racing with fear and shock as he fell onto the floor. The idiot just climbed out of a window from one bus in hopes I would notice him in time to pull him in. My fingers curled themselves around the knife again, knowing there would be no time for it, but hopefully I could hide it before Joe found it. But before that happened, I managed to make a small and shallow cut inches above my elbow, slightly numbing the pain that filled my deadened heart. Joe lunged from the floor and swiftly took the knife from my hand and put it on the counter silently, his eyes filled with unshed tears and worry and disgust as he pulled my arm up front as he saw the small line of blood trickle down my arm. _

"How can you do this to yourself?" _He whispered his eyes shining as I looked away, unable to bear this. I had to be a jerk to him and push him away but right now…it would kill me…but it Leon finds out…he will kill him. _

"How can you be such an idiot?" _I retorted back, holding the shake from my voice as I gestured to the window and Joe smiled sheepishly but I knew he was far from a real smile. _

"Because my brother is being stupid." _He said, running his hand through his hair and I walked away from him and away from the sliding door Leon slept behind. And Joe followed, pulling something out of his pocket and he grabbed my bleeding arm and I watched him put Neosporin on it and cover in with a larger than necessary band aid. He let go of my arm and I let it fall to my side as I avoided looking in his direction, pretending to find my bare foot more interesting than my brother. Joe followed my gaze and winced as he saw the large cut on the top of it and the bruises underneath. _"How can you live with him?" _He quietly questioned, my gaze rising to meet his own. _

"If I don't, people die." _I answered shortly before looking away and sliding down to sit on the floor, starring deadly on front of me. Joe did the same and he put and arm around my shoulder and I flinched before pushing it off, not needing to look to see the worry his eye's held. _"Leave me alone Joe. I don't want you as a brother, I don't want you around! I am perfectly capable of handling my problems alone like I have been for ten years and I only have to for seven more months. I'll live until then so butt out!" _I forced out, filling my quiet voice with unfelt rage and hate and Joe stiffened at my words and I felt a solitary tear fall from the eye Joe could not see. _

_I expected Joe to stand and see if he could somehow crawl back into the window of his bus even though we would arrive at the hotel in an hour and he could leave then, but I expected him to get angry and reject me, like he was supposed to. I expected him to kill me without knowing it. But that was not what he did. He sighed and pulled me into a hug I could not and did not want to escape from. _

"You may not want me as a brother, and that is exactly why I am being a brother. You see, brother's do the opposite of what you want when you're in pain and want to be alone. I don't care if Leon finds out, I'll protect you and Kevin both and if I die…then I'll have died your brother instead of your enemy." _He whispered and I let out a silent sob as I started shaking and fisting his shirt and he gently rubbed my back and held me closer. Tears came from both of our eyes as we clung to each other, never wanting to let go but knowing we would have too much sooner than either of us wanted. _

* * *

JOE'S POV

What can I say? I freaked out when I saw Nick's dark silhouette pull out a shiny silver knife and I panicked and did something incredibly dumb but it worked and I was ok and Nick only had a scratch, which I had taken care of. And now, as I held him tightly, feeling his quaking sorrow and warm tears, as I now truly understood how broken Nick was, I knew that this was where I belonged and where he belonged. I didn't care if Leon tried to kill me for this because this was right, this was needed. And I'd like to see Leon try and touch Nick now, because if he did, I would tear that creep apart, set Big Man on him and call the police. I would get him away from Nick but I could only do it when I had proof…were scars enough for that?

After a few minutes of silent crying, Nick relaxed a little and I pulled him over onto my lap and ran my fingers gently through his hair, biting my lip and pausing when he shied away because once again, I've forgotten how much he has been through. But after a breathless second he relaxed again and leaned into my touch, giving me permission to continue, showing me how desperate for love and comfort Nick was. He has gone his whole memory without it and now he could have it…and I wasn't going to deprive him of it like Leon has. He shifted slightly and released his death grip on my shirt before hugging me back and avoiding my gaze. It was like he was ashamed of his display of emotion, of his anguish. I slowly cupped his chin and brought his face to mine so he was looking at me, his lifeless eyes filling with fear of rejection and I sighed.

"Don't be ashamed of crying Nick. Everyone does it and it's good for you. It's alright." I assured him and his eyes softened and he nodded before looking away and leaning against me and closing his eyes. But he still was shaking a bit and is breathing was shallow and uneven and I knew he was far from a smile right now, but it was my job to make him happy again, like he was at the park the other day. I vowed to myself that I would make that happen and that Leon would no longer be a burden to him…but how to do that…I knew not.

I relaxed my hold on him a little and rested my cheek on the top of his head and I felt him tense but take a deep breath and relax again, his breathing becoming more even. I smiled and closed my eyes and we stayed like this for what felt like seconds, but was actually twenty minutes before Nick suddenly tensed and started to push away bit it was too late. Leon walked into the room and smiled at us, not surprised and Nick froze and I held him protectively, glaring at Leon with all I had. Nick started shaking again, his gaze at Leon's feet and I tried to console him, but I wondered if he heard a word I whispered to him.

"Well, look who we have here…" Leon stated, rubbing his hands together as he looked to Nick who shrank back into me, trying to become too small to see. I had no idea he was this afraid of Leon…yes, I saw his fear whenever he came near, but I never knew it was this bad. Leon walked over and tore Nick from my grasp and pulled me up, holding Nick by the back of the neck and leaving me unrestrained.

"Let go of him." I ordered, lowering my voice in pure anger as I watched my brother's eyes fill with a terror so intense that I could barley look into his eyes without freaking out with him and it enraged me even more.

Leon chuckled. "No, I don't think I will…and instead of killing you…I think I'll have a little fun…" Leon trailed off and Nick stopped breathing in understanding and shock as he struggled against Leon's hold and got free, standing in front of me and turning the devil himself.

"Leave him out of this." He demanded his voice strong and steady, whish surprised me from the amount of fear that was in his eyes. Leon looked amused.

"I was never going to include him in it…he was only going to watch it." He informed Nick, his eyes darkening and Nick shuddered and I put my arms on his shoulders but he shrugged them off and told me to be quiet and keep my eyes closed, no matter what I heard and I nodded as he looked to me, already expecting the worst.

"Be strong Nick." I whispered and he bit his lips.

"You be stronger." He replied before Leon walked over and threw him on the ground and roughly pushed me into a chair and tied me to it, me never struggling, hoping that my lack of action may save Nick from some pain.

Leon approached Nick and Nick met my gaze, no emotion in his dead eyes. "Joe, close your eyes. Don't open them, no matter what, please keep them closed." He begged and I nodded and closed my eyes, hoping to give Nick a shred of relief in this but I knew what was about to happen and I knew there would be no relief and by asking me to keep my eyes closed, he saved me from being as hurt as I could have been…but how long could I bare to keep them closed?

"You'd better scream. If he doesn't see it, than he should hear it…scream little vermin…or he dies." Leon threatened and Nick whimpered and I felt tears coming as I listened to Nick's fear and Leon's obvious pleasure. I quickly sent a silent prayer for Nick, but it did not come true.

I heard Leon hit Nick. I heard Nick whimper again and again. I heard Nick sob. I heard Leon grunt and Nick shout out in pain. I heard Leon goading me to open my eyes. I heard Nick begging me to keep them closed in a shaky voice. I heard Leon laugh and Nick hiss in pain and then yelp out like a kicked dog. I heard my own sobs mix with Nick's. I heard what Nick had to go through, just because of me… I heard the consequences of my own foolish actions… I heard Nick take it all without a second thought as he protected me from death, all because of me not listening to him, me being the brother he needed…and it doomed him. I heard the slamming of a metal sounding door and Leon laughing again as he walked from the room, wishing us both a good night and silence fell, only to be interrupted by Nick's abrupt sobs.

I hesitantly opened my eyes and they went to the blood on the floor, to Nick's torn to shreds shirt, to his pants, to a dog crate with a master lock. In the corner of side crate, huddled Nick, sobbing into his knees, blood coming from his back and from his legs and it quickly dawned on me what exactly that Bastard did to him…and what Nick saved me from seeing.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Finally some inspiration hits…I actually like this chapter…Until Next Update!_

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 5TH!!!


	20. Shattered

**Chibiyu: **_…_

**Nick: **_*fuming in anger*_

**Chibiyu: **_…_

**Nick: **_Really? Your last chapter was…gah! I hate you! _

**Chibiyu: **_…*sobs*…*laughs with Nick*_

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 5TH!!!

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()JOE'S POV_

**I heard Leon hit Nick. I heard Nick whimper again and again. I heard Nick sob. I heard Leon grunt and Nick shout out in pain. I heard Leon goading me to open my eyes. I heard Nick begging me to keep them closed in a shaky voice. I heard Leon laugh and Nick hiss in pain and then yelp out like a kicked dog. I heard my own sobs mix with Nick's. I heard what Nick had to go through, just because of me… I heard the consequences of my own foolish actions… I heard Nick take it all without a second thought as he protected me from death, all because of me not listening to him, me being the brother he needed…and it doomed him. I heard the slamming of a metal sounding door and Leon laughing again as he walked from the room, wishing us both a good night and silence fell, only to be interrupted by Nick's abrupt sobs. **

**I hesitantly opened my eyes and they went to the blood on the floor, to Nick's torn to shreds shirt, to his pants, to a dog crate with a master lock. In the corner of side crate, huddled Nick, sobbing into his knees, blood coming from his back and from his legs and it quickly dawned on me what exactly that Bastard did to him…and what Nick saved me from seeing. **

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I noticed something as soon as Leon had left but at first, it seemed too unimportant to mention, but now…seeing Nick shiver in the new coldness of the bus…I noticed it. That…that Bastard turned down the heat even more, just to make Nick suffer more than he already was tonight.

Nick had long since stopped crying, but he had not stopped starring deadly at the floor in front of him, not acknowledging my soft calls to him, or the fact he was locked in a dog crate, or really anything but that one spot. He looked pretty bad from where I was sitting; his redder than normal eyes had dark circles and he was paler than I've ever seen before, if I hadn't known better, I would say he was made of marble.

"Nick…I'm sorry…" I tried again but he didn't even blink. I sighed and gave up trying to avert his attention from his obvious dark thoughts and pain. I watched him shift slightly and I winced at the sight of his scabbing leg and he noticed my gaze and turned his leg again so I couldn't see it. "I am going to get you out of here soon Nick…I promise…I'll do anything…" I tried and Nick's head shot up, but his eyes were harder than diamonds, glaring in pure hate and anger and sorrow.

"Haven't you done enough?" He hissed, his rage riding on his voice and his voice shaking a bit from a mix of anger and sadness. But I saw the cracks on his soul through his dead eyes; I could see the disaster this had left him in, the exact extent of pain I had put him through for just trying to be a brother. He was a shattered soul because of me.

I turned my gaze away, heart filling with a whirlwind of guilt and Leon walked in smiling and I felt the bus come to a stop. He walked over to Nick's cage and kicked it roughly but Nick did not react to the sudden shake. Leon opened the lock and I saw the numbers, instantly memorizing them and he forced Nick out by the neck and Nick stood in the exact spot he was released in, starring at the floor again.

"Untie him." Leon ordered and pushed Nick roughly towards me and he obeyed, untying my legs and then my wrists and I held back a wince as his gentle fingers brushed my sore wrists. As soon as I was free I glared at Leon who laughed as Nick walked back over to his side and he put his hand on Nick's shoulder and I noticed how he flinched and how his face screwed up in what looked like pain.

"Don't touch him!" I said standing up quickly and Leon laughed.

"What are you going to do? Report me? Nick already tried that, didn't you my little fucktard?" Leon responded, caressing Nick's cheek and I saw tears forming in his eyes, but he did not let them fall. "You can't do a thing…or the consequences will be no less than severe." Leon trailed off, letting his threat hang in the chilled air and Nick closed his eyes, as though begging silently I would do as he said.

"You're right…" I looked down, hoping my acting skills were up to date. "I…I can't…I can't do anything…I won't risk it…I won't risk the brother I actually love." I hated myself and I saw a solitary tear fall from Nick's closed eyes and onto the floor. I yearned to tell him it was all a lie, that I did love him that I wouldn't give up, but in front of Leon…that would be like digging his grave for him.

"See that Nicky?" Leon purred into Nick's ear and Nick opened his eyes warily but did not raise his gaze. "Unloved you grew and unloved you'll forever live, even your own brother wants nothing to do with you…I can't blame him, you are a worthless pile of crap and in seven months…I'll be doing everyone a favor by ridding your miserable life…in fact…I bet you'd like me to do that right now…is that right?" Nick did not answer and Leon glared. "I said, is that right?!?" He hit Nick hard across the face and grabbed his neck roughly, brining his head to face me and his gaze met mine and neither of us looked away.

"Yes…" Nick whispered and I bit down all emotion and Leon laughed before letting him go and whispering how he would have to wait a little longer and then both of their wishes would be fulfilled. Leon walked over to me and opened the door and pushed me out onto the street in such a way it looked like I tripped on the bus steps and stumbled out. He followed me and Nick came last, following like a lost puppy, not even watching where he was going. Kevin walked out of our bus and watched Nick and Leon walk into the hotel and he looked to my face, which I am sure was not a very pretty sight…thank goodness there were no fans here.

"Joe…what happened? How did you get off the bus?" Kevin smartly asked but I shook my head.

"I was an idiot." I replied before following Nick into the hotel, hating myself more with every step I took and wishing it was me in Nick's shoes and he was spared…because last night was my entire fault.

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

I knew something was wrong as soon as I heard a noise and got out of bed to an open window and Nick's bus passing ours, glimpsing a very surprised Nick in the window. I was able to worry and gather enough from that to understand how Joe got on Nick's bus but not what he did while he was on it. But judging from his wider than normal eyes and pale completion, it wasn't good. What did Leon do or what did Nick say? I had to know…but Nick wouldn't tell me and Joe looked like he needed time…so I could wait.

I glanced at my watch as Joe collapsed in his claimed bed and saw we still had a few hours to the photo shoot at 1 so it was all good, but I couldn't fall back asleep and judging from Joe's silence, neither could he. So I turned on the TV to a low volume and soon got bored with that so I went for a walk and as soon as I was outside, Leon came down the hall.

"Kevin! I need a huge favor, if you're up to it." He said and I nodded, gesturing for him to continue. "I have to go to a meeting that I forgot about and Nick is sleeping right now and a phone call won't wake him up so can you please, you know, make sure he is ready and awake on time?" Leon nearly begged but I saw through his act but I nodded anyway and caught the card key Leon threw to me as he ran off.

That was convenient…did he plan it all or make it up as he went along? I shrugged and went into Nick's room and found him, curled up at the edge of his bed, fully dressed, and sound asleep. I smiled and sat on the other end of the bed, knowing I did not need to stay and yet, this silence seemed so much friendlier than the one Joe created. But then again, our room was a lot warmer and I looked over and saw Nick shivering a bit so I wrapped the blankets around him, for he had been lying on top of them and he stirred a little from the sudden warmth, but didn't wake, which is good because he looked terrible. He was paler than I've ever seen him, like he bleached his skin or recently became a vampire, he had dark circles under slightly pink eyes and even in sleep, he seemed afraid. I reached out and put my hand on his forearm and I felt him involuntarily tense and his face flinch a bit from the contact but he soon relaxed again and sighed.

"What did he do to you?" I whispered so softly that I could barely hear myself and silence answered my question. I moved to get up and Nick stirred again, but this time, he turned to me, his eyes open and dead. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." I whispered and Nick shrugged, his gaze not leaving mine and I saw the question before he even had to ask it. "Leon is at a meeting, he asked me to make sure you would be ready in time. But you have two hours before noon so go back to sleep." I quietly informed him and he nodded, relaxing a bit more and lowering his gaze as I stood to leave and I was at the door when I heard him stir again.

"Kevin?" He quietly called in a shaky voice and I turned to see him sitting and looking at my funny.

"Can you give Joe a message?" He asked and I nodded and he looked down. "Don't do it."

"Don't do what?" I questioned, feeling like I missed something.

He shook his head. "That's the message. He will understand." Nick told me before lying back down and starring at the ceiling and I knew the conversation was over so I said goodbye and walked out, feeling really left out but at the same time, I knew that once I told Joe, I would get answers.

…

"Joe?" I asked as I walked over to his bed and he looked up at me in confusion. "Message for you from Nick. He said 'Don't do it."

Joe sighed angrily and put on his 'oh I am frustrated' face. "How can I not do it?!? He is bloody abusing him Kevin!" He yelled to me and I was startled.

"Joe, what happened?"

Joe sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Last night I crawled through the windows to switch buses because I saw Nick in there with a knife and I panicked. Brotherly moment and blah, and then Leon walks in, he knows Kevin, he knows we know, and tied me to a chair and…" Joe trailed off and dry sobbed and I was instantly holding him but I knew he wasn't done talking. "Nick told me to close my eyes and to never open them, not matter what, so I did and I'm not 100% sure what I heard but…oh god Kevin…he raped him again! And it's all because of me! Nick was brave and put himself in my place and…if I hadn't been so dumb…this is all my fault!" He sobbed openly now and I held him close, feeling the disgust and hatred of Leon, pity and sorrow for Nick, and the same for Joe.

"This is not your fault Joe. We will get Nick out of Leon's clutches, even if it does kill us." I told him but Joe shook his head.

"That was what Nick doesn't want us to do…he wants us to live while he dies more each and every day with that scum bag. I…in order to convince Leon…I had to say something really bad to Nick…I told him I didn't love him…my exact words were 'I won't risk it, I won't risk the brother I actually love. I made him cry Kev…he must hate me." Joe choked out and I felt his pain but I also knew it was wrong.

"No Joe, if Nick hated you, he wouldn't be trying to stop you from saving him. If he hated you, he would let you die and we both know he doesn't want that. But we can't leave him with Leon…we can't lose our brother for the second time."

Joe's phone rang and he composed himself quickly before picking it up and jabbering away to Stella and I decided to walk out because he was begging me to check on Nick again so I caved. I walked back into an empty suite and started freaking out a bit. His bed was empty, the bathroom was empty, and the other room was empty. But then I heard music coming from the balcony and I walked out onto it and recognized the song "Watching Over Me" by Thousand Foot Krutch. I looked around and saw him sitting on the wide rail, his left leg bent, his right dangling over the cement, his back leaning against the wall, and his eyes closed as the warm wind hit out faces. I sat on one of the chairs, ready to jump up if he fell and he cracked open one eye and regarded me rather coldly before closing it again.

"Joe told me." Three words and he stiffened, his eyes opening and him turning to glare, but it was not as intense or as mean as it could have been, in fact, it was more fear and shock than anger and hate.

"And yet you both still know nothing." He replied before turning his head forward again. "Leave Kevin; I'm not wanted in your life any more than your wanted in mine." He coldly stated and I shook my head, forgetting he wasn't looking at me. I was about to speak but a dove landed on the railing in front of us and we both watched it walk around in a stately way before flying off, my gaze leaving it but Nick looked to it rather longingly as it became a speck in the sky.

"What Joe said it wasn't true and you know it. We do love you Nick and we will be there to help you." Nick sighed and shook his head.

"You don't get it." He turned back to face me, his eyes filled with the need for me to understand to the want for me to leave. "You've both done too much already and look where it's landed the three of us. You two can be saved if you just do as he says and leave me alone, but I am damned so just leave my fate be, or else you will fall to the same."

"Nick…I…"

"Leave."

"Nick…"

"Now."

His harsh tone was enough and I knew he was right but that didn't mean we wouldn't stop trying and as soon as I get back to Joe, we would make a plan to find proof and get Nick out of this life were he was teetering on the edge of certain death.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Some inspiration again but it's only coming for this story…Until Next Update. _

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 5TH!!!


	21. Old Blue Pick

**Chibiyu: **_…I was reading the first chapter over and got inspired again. Filling plot hole time!_

**Nick: **_So you're not going to be evil? Is the world ending?_

**Chibiyu: **_I can make it if you want me too. _

**Nick:**_…No, that's ok…I like the world. _

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 5TH!!!

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!! _

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**KEVIN'S POV**_

**"Nick…"**

**"Now."**

**His harsh tone was enough and I knew he was right but that didn't mean we wouldn't stop trying and as soon as I get back to Joe, we would make a plan to find proof and get Nick out of this life were he was teetering on the edge of certain death. **

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ My life is scheduled for me and yet ever second is as unpredictable as the last. One second I am alone and almost content and another I am about to cry again from the look on Kevin's face from my tone and words. Another second I am contemplating throwing myself off this balcony railing and the next I know I have to live to save others from Leon. The next second, I know exactly what to do, how to live my last seven months, and the next, I am lost. _

_I sat here, alone again, after the photo shoot, after sound check, after meet and greets, after another predicable evening, trying to sort out the disorganized thoughts in my head. _

_Leon wants me dead, he wants Joe and Kevin dead and he knows I want Diane and Amanda to live, so therefore, he wanted them dead as well. He made Joe witness with his ears what he does to me and I knew Joe would soon snap from it and tell someone other than Kevin, which is exactly what Leon is waiting for. Kevin could hopefully keep the secret but around Macy and Stella, he tends to speak before thinking. I could keep it easily; my whole life for fans is a complete lie. I can only hope that Joe and Kevin keep quiet or tell someone who will NEVER tell because that one slip could end what I have been working so hard to keep. It would kill them. _

_Leon wanted me dead…did I truly want me dead? I told him I did in the bus, but that was when I wasn't thinking straight from the pain of another crack in my armor, another piece of my heart dying and falling off, another show of weakness. But did I really want to die?_ _Looking around at all the soon to be filled chairs of my fans and glancing quickly over to Joe and Kevin made it harder to answer the question I had been so ready to act upon a few days prior. I wanted it, but then again, I wanted to save them from the ache of a heart break, so I didn't want it. But another tour with Leon, knowing he would hold nothing back and made sure he was saw me broken and cry before he pulled the trigger or stabbed my already dead heart, made the thought of death much more likable, but my thoughts always came back to Joe, Kevin, Diane and Amanda. Amanda would forget me; she was only five and Diane…she expected it…I know she did but she would still be hurt, thinking that she could have helped more, when it is impossible to completely fix shattered glass. Joe and Kevin…it would kill them to lose me again and they would go insane and end up killed as well…so for them…I would have to endure…_

_I absentmindedly pulled a crap pick from my pocket and twirled it around, hating how thin it was and I snapped it in two before putting it back in my pocket and Joe and Kevin sat besides me, Joe holding something in his hand. These two just don't get it. Kevin looked purposefully at Joe and Joe sighed before gently grabbing my hand and opening it and placing something small into it and closing my fist around it. _

"It was yours…when you were younger…" _Joe said quietly and Kevin nodded and I looked down to my clenched hand, confused as I sat down on the edge of the stage, them sitting with me but a bit behind me. _

_I opened my hand and blinked in shock. It…it was a translucent blue guitar pick with a dark blue lighting bolt in the center…I though I'd lost it in the orphanage but all this time…I blinked again, touching it lightly with my fingers before memories I had forgotten and held back rushed up from this little pick and the stage around me seemed to dissolve. _

**Flashback**

**_I was sitting on my bed, smiling as I wrote out a new song and I sang softly to the empty room, hoping Joe and Kevin wouldn't hear my secret. Yes, they knew I loved music but they did not know I wrote songs and I was happy for that because Joe already teased me about being on Broadway and the kids at school were mean too. They didn't understand me and I had to keep my love for music quiet. Joe and Kevin ran upstairs and I instantly stopped singing and hide my notebook and looked at them and stood, wishing I was taller. _**

**"Hey bro…what were you singing?" _Kevin asked and Joe lunged for under my pillow and pulled out a notebook and tossed it to Kevin while he held me back. _**

**"No! Don't open that!" _I pleaded and Kevin looked at me weirdly before opening and reading. I saw him mouthing the words and I looked down in embarrassment as Joe let me go and started reading as well. _**

**"Whoa…can you sing one of these Nicky?" _Joe asked and I shook my head, still looking down, waiting for the teasing to begin. _**

**"Why did you hide this Nicky? They are really good." _Kevin asked and complemented and I shrugged. _**

**"I was scared." **

**"Of what?" _Joe questioned, putting an arm around my shoulder. _**

**_I shifted and bit before answering, knowing if I didn't tell him he would get bothersome. _"You and he kids at school. You always tease me about Broadway and singing, and the kids at school are mean because of it." _I shakily told him, my voice shaking a bit and Joe hugged me. _**

**"Nicky, I only tease you because it's my job as a brother and I am jealous of your talent." _I smiled and hugged him back. _**

**_Kevin laughed._ "I bet those kids won't be mean once they see you as a huge star Nicky! And you know what? Every star needs to play an instrument." _He rummaged in his pocket for a second before pulling out his favorite blue lightening guitar pick and giving it to me. _"Here, I promise that when I get better at guitar, I'll teach you everything I know." **

**_End_**

_I blinked again and found tears in my eyes but I blinked them away and smiled a little, closing my hand around the old pick and turning to Kevin._

"I believe you owe me a guitar lesson." _I said and smirked and his mouth opened in surprised 'O' and he smiled. _

"You don't need it now. You're better than me, I bet." _He lightly said but I shook my head before turning to Joe. _

"So…you still jealous?" _I asked jokingly and Joe looked confused but then rolled his eyes. _

"Hey! I only said that to make you feel better! I always knew I was the awesome one I the family." _He joked and I rolled my eyes and looked back at my clenched fist, smiling a bit but I let it fade and the happiness die. What was I doing? That could have killed them! I am such an idiot! I sighed angrily as I cursed my own stupidity and Joe and Kevin looked alarmed as I swore under my breath. _

"What's wrong?" _Kevin asked but I shook my head and stood up before walking away with my head down, knowing I would have to get used to not talking to them…even though I really wanted too. _

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

He remembered the day I gave him that little pick…I knew as soon as his eyes go kind of blank for a second and his fist closed around the little thing that he remembered. But I also knew ow much taking that pick from Joe hurt Joe. For ten years it was the last memento of the Nick we knew when we were younger but for Nick, it was so much more. It was a reminder that he had a life before Leon and he had a family behind him that actually cared. And I don't think anything could mean more to him right now.

I watched him walk over to Leon, who handed him a guitar without a word and Nick put it on and started strumming randomly with the old blue pick and it sounded like a song, but I couldn't be sure. He closed his eyes and started singing a song I remembered reading and memorizing and singing with Joe.

"They come and go but they don't know  
That you are my beautiful  
I try to come closer with you  
But they all say we won't make it through

But I'll be there forever  
You will see that it's better  
All our hopes and our dreams will come true  
I will not disappoint you  
I'll be right there for you 'til the end  
The end of time  
Please be mine

I'm in and out of love with you  
Trying to find if it's really true  
oh no no no no  
How can I prove my love  
If they all think I'm not good enough

But I'll be there forever  
You will see that it's better  
All our hopes and our dreams will come true  
I will not disappoint you  
I will be right there for you 'til the end  
The end of time  
Please be mine

I can't stop the rain from falling  
Can't stop my heart from calling you  
It's calling you  
I can't stop the rain from falling  
Can't stop my heart from calling you  
It's calling you  
I can't stop the rain from falling  
Can't stop my heart from calling you  
It's calling you

But I'll be there forever  
You will see that it's better  
All our hopes and our dreams will come true  
I will not disappoint you  
I will be right there for you 'til the end  
The end of time  
Please be mine"

I looked over to Nick who seemed to be shaken but he did not make it obvious and he looked around to see Leon looking coldly at him and he instantly turned cold and closed. He glared at us, acting like he did not like us singing his song with him and I saw Leon smirk as Nick turned his back to us and walked away. I looked to Joe, who was not even looking at Nick or Leon, but rather to the seat out in front and his eyes seemed to be breaking, like a shattering mirror.

"Joe?" I whispered but he shook his head.

"It's nothing. I'll tell you later ok?" He responded quickly and I nodded, knowing later meant when Leon wasn't in ear shot.

"Ok." I told him, looking in the same direction and sighing. Leon wasn't only a burden to nick but know he has changed Joe and horrified him, thankfully not touching him, but making him listen…such a n evil man deserved to die and I knew that Joe and I would go to any lengths to get Nick safe and happy again, like when he was younger, even if that meant killing Leon.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_It's a bit of a filler chapter so sorry about that but I had fill a hole and I have zero time to proof read again blame the mistakes on exams…lol. Until Next and better update! _


	22. This is a Call

**Chibiyu: **_Ok, a big time jump occurs in this chapter because I did not want to write out sixth months of stuff._

**Nick: **_Finally the story is getting somewhere, I was getting worried you were stuck in a rut._

**Chibiyu: **_Ah, but for me you were not worried but happy for yourself because me being stuck is less evil to you._

**Nick: **_Exactly._

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 15TH!!! They changed the date people to the 15th…grrr.

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!_

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**KEVIN'S POV**_

**"Joe?" I whispered but he shook his head.**

**"It's nothing. I'll tell you later ok?" He responded quickly and I nodded, knowing later meant when Leon wasn't in ear shot.**

**"Ok." I told him, looking in the same direction and sighing. Leon wasn't only a burden to nick but know he has changed Joe and horrified him, thankfully not touching him, but making him listen…such a n evil man deserved to die and I knew that Joe and I would go to any lengths to get Nick safe and happy again, like when he was younger, even if that meant killing Leon.**

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

February 22nd. Exactly six moths since the beginning of the tour and it hasn't been an enjoyable one either. I've watched things I never again want to see, listened to something more terrible than nails on chalkboard, experienced things no one should ever go through and yet I knew someone that did. I've watched my brother die more everyday, I saw the light fade from his eyes, I saw him thinning, I saw him crying when he thought he was alone, clutching almost desperately onto his old blue pick. I heard Leon's fist connect with his skin, I've listened to his own heart shatter and mine weep, me longing to reach out and comfort him as I should, but knowing that that simple act of kindness would end one of our lives. And if I died, I knew Nick's will to live would leave him, for the only thing keeping him alive right now is the sole fact he had to protect us from Leon, for just one more month. But still, I did nothing.

I have tried to catch some proof of Leon's abuse to Nick,, every day I have tried and I have failed. Leon was too good at knowing where I was and doing it where I hadn't set up a camera. I found out how he did that last month when Kevin stumbled, literally, upon a secret panel in Nick's tour bus. Leon had cameras and microphone's all around every aspect of Nick's life, watching him like a bird of prey. Just knowing this made me paranoid and made me even angrier as I thought of how much of a puppet Leon had made Nick, his own adoptive son. Unfortunately for me, scars were not enough proof, even if they covered almost every inch of Nick's body. I stopped trying to reach out to Nick more than I have before, only because I feared Nick's psyche if Leon killed me, I did not fear the death part one bit, it would be worth it if it saved Nick. But could Nick be saved after all he has been through and has to endure everyday? He has the weight of four lives on his shoulders and mixed with that, he is abused physically, mentally and sexually and yet he somehow finds the strength to keep living to save us form what he has to go through and from death. How did he do it without snapping?

I walked onto Nick's bus and saw him sitting on the couch, strumming random chords on his guitar with the old blue pick, which he only used when he was upset, which seemed to be more and more each passing day. He glared at me but it lacked coldness, just as his skin lacked color and his eyes lacked life. I sat next to him and pulled out my phone to text Stella when Leon walked on and shut the door, the bus moving. He did not even glance at me as he walked to the front and when he was out of sight Nick started strumming again, softer than before. I chanced a glance at him when I sent the text and was not surprised to see him looking at me from the corner of his eye. No words were shared; we've both become accomplished at silent communication. That was all we could do with Leon watching us and I knew Nick knew about the cameras now because yesterday, I caught him looking right into one. But still, this was better than ignoring each other completely.

Nick stopped strumming and looked away and I followed his gaze as it rested on the set of knives and I knew what he was thinking and my heart raced in fear, like it did every time when I saw him looking at them, or holding one above his arm, a trail of blood running down, causing pain to numb the pain in his heart. I hated it, but I didn't stop it because I knew I couldn't. I sighed and 'accidentally' brushed my arm on Nick's as I messed up my hair. He looked away from the knives at the action, knowing what it meant and looked to the pick instead, his expression unreadable.

I looked away form him and answered Stella's text, knowing Leon would get suspicious if I starred at him for too long.

**So, three day break at home? Want to catch a movie? Just the two of us?**

**~Stell**

I smiled a bit and blushed; knowing she just asked me out on a date and I saw Nick smirk, like he knew, but it did not reach his eyes.

**Yeah Stell. You pick I pay.**

**~Joe**

**Sounds good!**

**~Stell**

Her reply was instant like she knew what I was going to say and I sighed before closing my phone, still smiling a bit. I looked over to Nick when I heard him playing and singing 'Rose Garden' softly, and I remained quiet, knowing he vented through music, even though this song really had nothing to do…wait…it…did…change the 'she's' to 'he' and it was Nick's life story…wow how could I have missed that? I watched him stare out the window, not really seeing as he sang and played; impressing me that he could still use his talent so easily in the face of this pain and the fact he went higher than most girls could when he sang. The song effortlessly changed to 'Who I Am,' an easier sound to figure out the meaning, but no one ever seemed to take it seriously. But after that song he sighed and put his guitar down and turned to look out the window, facing me but not looking at me.

I saw how tired he seemed and I can't blame him, Leon has been pushing him so hard this tour to be the best and to best us and us three had no free time at all so these three days would be so nice. He seemed to be thinking the same thing but more along the lines of three days away from Leon.

"Three days off, it's gonna be nice. My dad invited you to stay over because Leon complained to him about how busy he was. You want too?" I quietly asked him, my voice not giving away how much I wanted him to say yes.

Nick slowly lowered his gaze to mine, contemplating. "It would be easier for Leon that way, he has complained about it." He said his voice monotone. "Sure, I guess." He answered, not sounding thrilled but hey, I knew that was an act because a tiny spark of light ignited in his eyes when he thought of not seeing Leon for three days. I smiled a bit and nodded, texting our dad while Nick scooted to the other end of the couch and curled up, closing his eyes for a nap. We had four hours to kill, so why not

I spent a few minutes just looking out the window and listening to his breathing even out and deepen as he fell asleep. And I smiled for real, knowing now it didn't matter if I showed affection because Nick could not see it therefore Leon didn't care. I gently pushed his curls from his face and stood to get a drink as Leon walked in and glanced at Nick and them to me, but thankfully he stayed silent. He seemed to be warning me that if Nick woke up to me being a brother, well, he would kill me. But I already knew that. I nodded and he walked away again and I sat on the couch again, head in hands.

I hate this! I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I HATE THIS! How does Nick do it? Hold it all back until it is invisible to the naked eye, hold it back and keep out the tears. It was impossible! I wanted so badly to e his brother and to not have the threat of being killed hanging over my head because of it. Leon was insane for even thinking this, much more so for acting upon it. How did Nick take this? He had been raped in front of me and I could barely hold it in and now that I thought more about it, the more tears came. But tears of frustration, not sadness. I can't do anything to help or comfort Nick ad I hate it!

I did not cry but punched a couch pillow a few times; imagining it was Leon's face and I stopped when Nick stirred and I watched him fearfully, hoping I didn't wake him up. But no, his eyes remained closed and his breathing deep. I sighed before leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting to escape this anger for a second in sleep, but I knew when I woke up, I would be just as mad, if not madder.

_………_

I awoke to a very soft strumming and singing, so quiet both were just whispers and I did not open my eyes, listening closely as Nick sang what he felt when he thought no one could hear him.

"And he tells everyone a story  
'Cause he thinks his life is boring  
And he fights so you won't ignore him  
'Cause that's his biggest fear

And he cries, but you'll rarely see him do it  
And he loves but he's scared to use it  
So he hides behind the music  
'Cause he likes it that way

And he knows, he's so much more than worthless  
He needs to find the surface  
'Cause he's starting to get nervous and

He's callin' out to you  
This is a call, this is a call out  
'Cause every time I fall down, I reach out to you  
And I'm losin' all control now  
And my hazard signs are all out  
I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

Have you ever felt this way before?  
'Cause I don't wanna hide here anymore  
Take me to a place where nothing's wrong  
And thanks for comin', shut the door

And they say some one out there sees us  
Well if you're real, then save me Jesus  
'Cause I've been this way for far too long  
I wasn't meant to feel alone

I'm callin' out to you  
This is a call, this is a call out  
'Cause every time I fall down, I reach out to you  
And I'm losin' all control now  
And my hazard signs are all out  
I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

Show me what this life is all about  
Show me what this life is all about"

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

Do it. He can't stop you if he is asleep. Do it. You'll feel better.

No…causing pain to stop pain? It makes no sense…you're above this, you don't need it.

You do. The song didn't help like it normally does; you're beyond music's help now. But not the knives, not your best friends.

I don't need friends that hurt me.

Well, hypocrite, look next to you…what do you see? Joseph Adam Lucas, your brother and he hurts you more and more everyday by staying around you, not letting you go…he seems just like the knives, only he doesn't numb the pain.

I trust him. He doesn't mean to hurt me and he keeps me sane by staying near me. I know he sees and he doesn't run off like the others, which was their down fall, he stays by my side…no matter how I wish he didn't.

Are you listening to yourself? You don't want him so push him harder, keep him away from you and turn back to your old silver friends, the ones that guarantee a release, not that jerk sitting next to you, sleeping like nothing is wrong in his world when everything in yours is chaos.

Joe doesn't want me to do this anymore.

Joe this, Joe that, do what you want, it's your own destiny so control it. And what does it matter, you die in a month anyway.

I won't die with another scar.

But it's been so long since you felt the cold blade on you arm, the sweet release with the warm blood. One little cut won't hurt your record, it will help more than you can imagine, especially now.

_I stood and set my guitar down and sat on the counter, fingers wrapping around the knife, my new knife, and pulling it soundlessly out and held it tightly, having it hover an inch above my arm. I closed my eyes and the debate instantly started again._

You're so close, one inch down and a quick swipe and then peace. You know the drill.

No. I can't. I won't.

Do it.

No.

NOW!

No! I won't mark myself like Leon does me! It's wrong and gross and it harms others around me! I won't!

_No voice answered and I shakily opened my eyes and put the knife away, looking wide eyed at it and breathing hard, not even registering Joe starring rather proudly at me._

You did it…but look at your arm…look at what you've done in the past. You're no better than Leon when it comes to your body.

_I unwillingly looked down to my arm and saw it for the first time with open eyes and I winced and gasped, instantly looking away. How…How could I have done that to myself all these years? Writing my life's story on my arms, staining my memory in blood and wanting, needing to do it again. It had helped but now, I didn't see the need or feel it, I only felt pity and disgust in myself. I bravely looked back to my arm and traced a long scar, remembering how I made it and I bit my tongue to remain silent as I took in the full extent of my poor pale arm had been through and all of it but a few by my own hand. I was worse than Leon…marking myself as easily as an artist paints or a writer writes, or as a musician plays. _

_For years I've been against causing pain to others and look what I did to myself! For years I've tried to stop everything I myself am going through and for years I have failed. Failed for one person; me. I closed my eyes again and did not hear Joe standing up and I did not feel the warm sting of fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. All I felt was disgust and tainted from my own actions, my own life and I thought how and why. _

_How was it so easy to stand against Leon when I do the same thing to myself? Why did I do this, cut myself, because in the end, the pain, the ache, it was always back. How did I keep this up for so many years, being blind to the amount of damaged I've caused myself? Why is this all happening to? Why didn't I just go and get ice cream with Joe and Kevin and our mom too? _

_Wait; if I would have gone…he would have killed them like he did Ms. Lisy. And then I would really have been alone. So when I was seven, I saved them, hated them, loved them, forgot them. _

_I suddenly registered a hand on my back and another on my shoulder; Joe. He pulled me into a loose hug that I knew I should break, but I couldn't. Not now. After all, this simple hug was the only form of comfort I had left. _

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

I watched Nick go over to the counter but refuse to cut himself like I wanted. I watched Joe watched him and look proud at his brother as he put the knife back. I watched Nick started crying and I felt disgusted by that, no man should ever cry, especially not my son. I saw Joe walk over and hesitate but he soon hugged him gently, ignoring the threats I have put up around him and when Nick leaned into Joe, I snapped.

Plan B, the final stage, starts now.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Woohoo!!!! Writers block over for this story and the story is almost over too…lets see…3-4 chapters I think. So sad…Until Next Update!_


	23. Reality Shatters

**Chibiyu: **_Hi all! Oh and if you are wondering I am writing Jar Wars still but it is going slowly because I have a lot to write and I keep getting ideas. And this chapter…well…it starts off nice(ish) and spirals. Take that how you will._

**Nick:**_…I take that as bad news. Don't you?_

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 15TH!!! They changed the date people to the 15th…grrr.

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!_

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**LEON'S POV**_

**I watched Nick go over to the counter but refuse to cut himself like I wanted. I watched Joe watched him and look proud at his brother as he put the knife back. I watched Nick started crying and I felt disgusted by that, no man should ever cry, especially not my son. I saw Joe walk over and hesitate but he soon hugged him gently, ignoring the threats I have put up around him and when Nick leaned into Joe, I snapped.**

**Plan B, the final stage, starts now.**

* * *

JOE'S POV

By helping my brother, I just doomed my life.

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

"Marie, Horton, Plan B is a go."

* * *

KEVIN'S POV

I watched Joe and Nick walk off the bus, talking, which was odd because they weren't yelling, which also meant Joe did something one the bus that doomed him anyway. Leon came out after and glared at them and Nick involuntarily shuddered and started stepping away from Joe but Joe grabbed his arm and held him close, glaring at Leon. Nick looked fearfully at Joe but sighed and looked to Leon, an intense glare of his own on his face. I was utterly lost.

Joe and Nick walked over to me and Leon walked over to a car and slammed the door shut and it drove off, neither of my brothers giving it a second glance.

"What happened?" I dared ask and Joe looked down in both pride and sorrow and Nick refused to meet my gaze.

"Something that shouldn't have." Joe answered, looking to Nick, who was still looking anywhere but to us. "Nick's staying the three days with us so Leon can stop complaining about it." He changed the subject but Nick still did not look at us.

"Nick?" I asked and he flinched a bit and I got a view of his eyes and I bit my tongue and looked to Joe who looked over to Nick and sighed. Nick looked so lost, afraid and guilty…what happened?

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ My reality was shattering into microscopic pieces that could never again be fixed, and it was all my doing. Again I failed at my goals, I dropped my burden, I failed everyone. _

**_Flashback_**

**_I leaned against Joe as he held me, needing this more than I needed to breathe and he responded by holding me tighter and gently rubbing my back in circles. The door slammed open and I harshly jumped and Joe held me even tighter, as if he could actually protect me from the devil. _**

**"Well, even after I warn you, you choose his happiness over your life." _Leon sneered and I froze completely. God no…please no…My breathing quickened as I realized what this meant, what Leon would do. No…please god, if you are real, please let me die instead of him; let me take his place…please…_**

**"For him, I'd give anything. He's my brother, no matter what you do, that fact remains." _Joe bravely told Leon, his voice filled with determination but I heard his heart thundering and I pushed away from him a bit, still in his arms, but just so I could see Leon and I flinched under the glare of pure hate he gave me. _**

**"Well, what a waste of talent, of your life. He is trash, garbage, and you still would give your one chance at a life on this earth for him, this worthless pile of dog shit." _Leon said, looking only at me when he said that and I held back another round of tears and looked down, shying away a bit from his hard gaze. Joe looked to me and growled at Leon. _**

**"He is so much more than worthless and you know it." _Joe responded coldly, looking at me again with soft eyes but I could not meet his gaze. Joe, just repent, agree to never see me again, save yourself, let me be damned. _**

**_Leon smiled, but anger still raged in his eyes and he pulled the gun I knew very well from his pocket and I took a sharp intake of breath and forced myself from Joe's arms and stood in front of him, arms out, blocking him from view. Joe tried to move me out of the way, but I would not budge. I would not let him get killed. _**

**"You want to take the bullet? In due time son, in due time." _Leon told me, laughter in his voice and suddenly, all of my fear was gone as I faced him and his gun, as I protected the one thing in my life worth protecting, as I faced my one fear. _**

**"I'm not your son." _I whispered and Leon's laughter faded to shock and then back to anger and Joe put his hand on my back, but I only had eyes and ears for Leon. _"Stay away from him and Kevin." _I threatened, acting like I'd forgotten about Amanda and Diane and Leon pursed his lips. _**

**"Or what?" _He asked and it was my turn to smirk. I had an idea put I wasn't going to tell him, letting him think I was ignorant, and threatening without a plan, bluffing while starring at death. But I wasn't. If he so much as touch Joe, I would personally tear him from limb to limb and rip his black heart from his chest with my bear hands. _**

**_Leon walked over to me, putting the gun back in his pants and slapped me hard across the face but I was too used to this kind of hit to even feel the pain anymore and I just slowly turned my gaze back to him and before I could even think of anything, my own hand snapped forward and hit Leon right in the nose and I felt it break and he staggered back and I looked at my blood covered hand in shock and Joe slid off the counter was by my side and I looked to him fear. What did I just do?_**

**"You're dead. You, Joe and Kevin, you're all dead!" _Leon yelled and he launched himself at me and I pushed Joe away as one of Leon's hand firmly clamped around my neck and another wormed its way down. I tried to take a breath as spots appeared in my vision, but I could not. I choked out and Leon laughed as he watched my life end and suddenly, he released me and I fell to my knees, massaging my throat and gulping air, couching up a lung. _**

**_I looked up to see Joe holding a standing lamp and hitting Leon with it every time he got too close and I stood shakily, kicking off my already falling pants, not really caring for embarrassment right now, only about stopping Leon. Leon growled and turned back to me and I jumped out of the way and Joe yelled my name, but I ignored him, panting out of anger and Leon turned to me, his face red and pupils almost nonexistent. He was mad…insane…I had to get Joe safe. Leon ran to me and I jumped on the counter and over his head and he turned to run to Joe but I lunged forward and grabbed his ankles, causing him to stagger and kick me in the head and I hissed in pain, but was not hindered too much by it. _**

**_Determination beating fear and pain, I lunged forwards again and yelled to Joe to leave the room, and he ran to the door, but did not leave. Leon glanced to him but looked back to me, thinking the same I was; this is between you and me, not him. Leon took one step forward and smiled. _**

**"You don't have the guts." _He goaded but I did not fall for it and he narrowed his eyes and attacked again, cuffing my shoulder as I spun under the blow and scraped him in the side. Joe yelled my name again and I felt something cold and sharp dig into my back and I screamed bloody murder as Leon drove the knife into my back, holding nothing back. I pulled away, seeing red and I lunged to Leon, working only off of adrenaline and blinded by fury and pain. _**

**_I took the knife for him, moving faster than I've ever moved and I cut Leon's arm and he hissed in pain and I blinded lashed out with it, starting to feel weaker form the amount of blood running from my back and I hit him in the chest, scraping it and I also succeeded in cutting his cheek. I moved the knife to his neck and he froze and Joe said my name again, but I heard nothing but my rapidly approaching death and I looked into his eyes. _**

**_I hated him so much…but even now, I couldn't do it. I kneed him where the sun don't shine and he went down and I staggered back and fell to my knees, barely feeling Joe's hands on my back. The adrenaline wore off until all that existed was dark pain and exhaustion, my back and head shooting pain like lightening. _**

**"You'll pay…I'll see to that." _Leon whimpered, his voice higher than normal and the last thing I heard before my world faded to black was Joe call my name. _**

**_………_**

**_I came too in Joe's arms and looking around to see the cage I hated so much and Leon not in the room and I shifted a bit in his arms, all energy and want to fight back gone. I felt like an empty shell, a failure. I just killed the ones that cared about me. It was my entire fault. _**

**"Nick?" _Joe whispered and I looked up to him. _"You ok?" _He asked and I shook my head, for once being truthful with that question. Joe held me tighter and I responded in same. I couldn't hold it back any longer. Sobs racked through my body as I thought of the small amount of time Joe and Kevin had left, all because of me. _"Nick, you are really pale and shaking like mad, are you ok?" _He worried asked, wiping away my tears and gently forcing me to look at him and suddenly I felt terrible, nauseous and dehydrated. Crap…_**

**"No…" _I choked out and Joe looked at me with wide eyes. _"I need insulin." _I said softly and Joe nodded, knowing by now where I kept it and what it was and all that. But how could he get to it? We were both locked in this freaking cage. But Joe gently pushed me away and went to the door and reached to the lock and started fiddling with it while I watched, feeling worse with every passing second. The locked opened and Joe ran out of the cage and grabbed my insulin before running back in and locking it again. _**

**"How..?" _I asked and Joe smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he filled the shot with the right amount and injected it into my arm like he has done before when he found me under the influence of Leon's torture, unable to help myself. _**

**"When that pig made me listen, I watched him open the lock and I memorized the numbers." _He whispered and I nodded and he engulfed me in a hug again but I pushed away. _"Nick?" **

**_I looked to him and shook my head. _"I'm sorry…" _I whispered and I shied away from his unjustified kindness. He should hate me. It was because of me he was going to die. _**

**"For what?" _He asked, not coming closer but I knew he still wanted too. _**

**_I shifted and looked down. _"For killing you." _I said bluntly and he took a deep breath._**

**"Look bro, I would have died with you, no matter what. Kevin and I knew to much as it is…Leon already told us about a month ago we were going to die…in front of you. He said if we stayed away from you, he would spare one of us and I hoped he would spare you or Kevin, but it's not worth it. I don't want you or Kevin to live in that kind of pain and Kevin agreed last night. It's not worth it." _He explained and he pulled me into a hug again and this time, I permitted it. _**

**_But still…I was a murderer without a weapon…_**

**END FLASHBACK**

_"_Nick?" _Joe asked but I didn't look up. Joe didn't know it, but Leon said he would make my life hell before he ended it. Three days was all I had and I knew they would not be fun. _"Nick?" _Joe called again, more urgent and worried but I couldn't bring myself to look at my brothers, not after what I did. He sighed and spun me around me forced my chin up but he couldn't force my gaze up. _"Nick, please look at me." _But I couldn't. He should be yelling at me, shunning me, cursing me dead, and not showing kindness. I just speed us his death date…how did that constitute for niceness?_

_I pulled my old blue pick from my pants pocket and held it tightly, but still not meeting the gazes of my brothers. Joe looked to Kevin who walked in his place and Kevin took one look at me before wrapping me in a hug, but I remained immobile. He didn't know. He didn't know I was the one that killed him. I pushed him away roughly and ignored the tears that sprang up in my eyes. _

"Stay away from me." _I said, my voice lower than normal and shaking a bit, but it still had an edge. _

"Why?" _Kevin asked and Joe bit his lip. _

"Because I just killed you both."

_Kevin looked shocked and looked to Joe, who instantly began to explain what had just occurred and Kevin yelled out in terror when Joe reached the choking part and he looked to my neck and saw the bruise and shuddered. He gasped out and ran behind me and felt the bandages Joe put on my back when he reached that part and he grimaced when Joe described me lashing out. His breath hitched in his throat when he heard of the cage and finally, it was over. But then again, it was only over in death. _

_Kevin walked back over to me and held his arms out wide and I eyed him warily. _"You didn't kill us. You broke free and saved yourself, I'm not mad bro. I'm proud." _He told me and I walked forward into the hug and Joe came around and whispered the same and I smiled small but it faded quickly. _

"I'm sorry." _I whispered and they nodded and told me it wasn't needed. And then they surprised me. _

"I love you Nick." _They both chorused and I pulled away and looked at them in shock. Even after all I've out them through…how could they love me? _

_But a smile tugged on my lips and this time, it reached my watering eyes and they hugged me close again, not expecting an answer but I had to give one. _

"I love you guys too."

* * *

_MARIE'S POV_

We were at Leon's place, the plan all set and ready and we smiled at the set up and Leon laughed loudly as we showed him.

"Perfect." He whispered and I smiled, enjoying the fact he was letting his slave live in a place worse than hell itself before finally killing him. 

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_This was really fun to write and I am VERY proud of it. I'm back baby! 3 chapters left! Until Next Update! _

_3 CHAPTERS AND AN EPILOGUE LEFT…or was it two chapters…?_


	24. Alone

**Chibiyu:**_…say it. _

**Nick:**_…Chibiyu is the kindest most awesome person in the world and I love her. Now you._

**Chibiyu: **_Awww Nick, so cute and gullible. _

**Nick: **_*looks shocked* You promised!!!_

**Chibiyu: **_*points to self* Evil, remember?....it's a rather boring beginning so I am sorry about that but it will pick up about halfway. _

Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / h m a w a r d s . t u m b l r (.)com for Most Likely to be Published!!

VOTING BEGINS MARCH 15TH!!!

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!_

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**MARIE'S POV**_

**We were at Leon's place, the plan all set and ready and we smiled at the set up and Leon laughed loudly as we showed him. **

**"Perfect." He whispered and I smiled, enjoying the fact he was letting his slave live in a place worse than hell itself before finally killing him.**

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I doomed them and they still accepted me. How? How could they still have a heart and care when I ended their lives?_

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I watched Nick stare blankly out the window and I sighed, turning away, knowing we couldn't easily change his mind about him thinking he killed us. Kevin looked over to me and then to Nick and then back to me and he pulled out his phone and turned forward, Nick ignoring his movements. I heard a phone vibrate and Nick jumped a bit before pulling his out and reading his text and looking up at Kevin with a glare of amusement.

"Sorry for thinking too loudly." Nick told Kevin, who smirked and Nick rolled his eyes before looking to his hands and phone, his eyes going distant again.

"Nick." Kevin said and he reached back from the front and poked him in the knee and Nick sighed before raising his head. "Don't think about it." Kevin asked and Nick scowled at him.

"How can I not?" He asked quietly before looking back out the window and this time I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, ignoring our dad glancing at back at us from driving every few seconds. Nick looked over to me and I raised my eyebrows at him and he shrugged and Kevin, who was not accustomed to silent conversations, looked very confused. I rolled my eyes at Nick and he shook his head, lowering his gaze and I sighed.

"Nick." I said evenly.

"Joe." He responded without looking up again.

"Nick"

"Kevin." He finally raised his gaze and glared at us. "Shut up. Leave me be." He growled and Kevin and I exchanged glances and sighed again.

"No can do." I told him, squeezing his shoulder a bit and Nick tensed, but not in the terrified of contact way, but in the annoyed of my actions way. He ran his fingers trough his hair and took a deep breath before turning to face us again, his glare gone, but annoyance still present. "Hey, you're stuck with us." I told him and he smirked and shook his head.

"That I am."

Our dad smiled up front, happy we were getting along again and the tension was seemingly gone and Kevin pointed out some deer on the side of the road and we all craned our necks to look, except for Dad, who was still driving.

"What's Frankie like?" Nick suddenly asked and Kevin and I instantly launched into describing our little brother for our other brother and we did it so well, he would be able to pick the real Frankie out of a batch of Frankie clones. I'd forgotten that this was the first time Nick would see his other brother, who wasn't even born when Nick was taken.

After that, silence once again filled the car and no one bothered to fill it. But the silence when we pulled up to our house, was not like the one five minutes go. Heavy anxiety coated the air and the only one unaffected by it was our dad, but he had no idea that this was the first homecoming for Nick in seven years. He had no idea his long lost son was sitting right behind him and he had no clue what Nick had gone through in the short 10 years he was taken. I looked over to said boy and he was eyeing the firehouse with a look I could not describe, somewhere caught between nerves and joy and longing and hate. I put my hand back on his shoulder and he nodded to me before undoing his seat belt and getting out from the car. Kevin and I walked over to him and led him inside.

"Joe! Kevin!" Our mom yelled, engulfing us in a hug that Nick watched with amusement. "Nick!" She said and pulled him in the hug too. I almost laughed at the look of incredulity he was giving me. She released us and beamed. "Welcome to our home Nick, make yourself comfortable." She told him and Nick smiled.

"Thank you Mrs. Lucas." Mom smiled at him, something hiding in her eyes but Frankie came downstairs to either investigate the ruckus or say hi and I am guessing it wasn't to say hi.

"Nick, this is Frankie, Tank, this is Nick." Kevin introduced and Frankie nodded once and Nick nodded to him.

"I remember you from the park, you were with that little girl." Frankie said, surprising everyone but Nick.

"And you were sulking before you ran off to flirt with some girls. Get any numbers?" Nick lightly joked and we looked to him in shock and Frankie smirked.

"Duh." Nick laughed and Frankie waved before running off again and I shook off my amazement at both of their memories and I gestured Nick to follow me and he did. We went upstairs and Kevin showed him his part of the room and I showed him mine and finally, we got to his old part, left unchanged through all the years, except for the fact it was clean. He looked at the drum set and narrowed his eyes before picking up the right remote and hitting the button, raising the drum set.

"You remembered." Kevin whispered, astounded and Nick put his thumbs in his pockets and looked sadly around the giant room. He pointed to the spot with all the chairs and smiled a bit.

"That's were you tripped and broke your arm, isn't it?" He quietly asked me and I smirked and rubbed said arm in embarrassment.

"Of course you remember that." I grumbled and Nick rolled his eyes. "Anything else?" I asked and he looked around and nodded, but did not elaborate.

"It's weird…being back…it brings a lot to the surface." He whispered walking over to his old desk and touching a keyboard key lightly. Kevin and I watched him until he raised his head and starred right back and a starring contest was announced by Frankie, who had just run upstairs. Nick won no surprise there considering he glared at Leon and us on a daily basis without blinking for the longest time. More footsteps were heard and Frankie looked down and sighed before running over to he three fire poles and sliding down one of them.

"Nick, can we talk to you for a minute?" Mom asked Nick as her and dad came up the steps and Nick nodded. "Alone." Mom said and Kevin and I got the message and we clapped Nick on the back before following Frankie's footsteps down the poles.

* * *

SANDY LUCAS'S POV

I watched my to boys lead Nick upstairs and Frankie go back up shortly and I dragged my husband outside to talk, making sure the door was unlocked so we could get back in.

"Tom, I can't hold this in anymore." I told my very confused husband and I looked up at my boy's windows and sighed. "I…I think Nick is…"

"Our Nick." Tom finished for me and I nodded, looking at my normally oblivious husband in shock. "Yes, dear, I knew but I didn't want to get your hopes up. I wonder if Joe and Kevin know? They seem close to him but you know our boys, close to all their friends." He mused and I shrugged.

"I wonder if Nick knows." I asked but then I shook my head. "No, probably not. Leon probably kept it from him…but I wonder if he'll want to leave Leon to come and stay with his real family. I wonder what kept him away all these years." I asked, feeling happy that nick was back in our lives, but sad because he may not want to stay in them. Tom shook his head a muttered he had no idea about any of my questions and that Nick was very closed off and quiet and he has never once seen him smile and mean it. But that could mean anything really. He could just not be the smiling type. "We need to talk to him, just to let him know. And we need to make it clear we won't take him from Leon if he doesn't want to go."

Tom nodded and we walked in and up the stairs.

"Nick, can we talk to you for a minute?" I asked Nick as we came up the steps and Nick nodded. "Alone." I said and Kevin and Joe got the message and they clapped Nick on the back before following Frankie's footsteps down the poles. We walked over to Nick, who was looking at us in curiosity, but did not speak.

"Can you sit down Nick?" Tom asked and Nick nodded and sat on the edge of the bed and we sat on either side of him and he looked a bit fearful but still, he remained silent. "Nick, you know we lost out son a little over ten years ago right?" Tom asked, looking around Nick's old room.

"Yes. Joe told before the tour." Nick answered, looking both sad and suspicious.

"Joe also told us your story and a sad one it is…but not truthful." Tom said, taking charge of the conversation and Nick lowered his gaze, but did not contradict him. Instead, he messed with his sleeves and pulled the both down a bit. "Leon lied to you."

"I know." He whispered and I looked to Tom before talking, my heart racing.

"Nick, I know this may be hard for you to believe but…"

"I'm your son you lost ten years ago." He finished, not looking at us but I saw the accumulating moisture in his eyes. I nodded and then went on to explain to him how I first thought it and then I pulled out an empty shot and he eyed it warily. I told him I was just going to, with his permission, get a bit of his blood for DNA testing and I reassured him I knew how to draw blood and he nodded but when I asked him to push up his sleeve, he bit his tongue and looked unsure. "I'd rather not…" He whispered and suddenly, I think I knew why.

Gently I lifted my free hand to his sleeve and he tensed but let me push it up and I gasped and Tom looked away, having already seen this before. "These…weren't made by fans…were they Nick?" I shakily asked and Nick did not speak but he hid his gaze from me.

"I don't want to talk about that." Nick stated before looking back to me and I nodded and forgot about drawing his blood and I hugged him tightly, noting how he stiffened form contact, which only reinforced my guess. He slowly relaxed and when he started hugging me back, I cried. I did not need DNA testing to know that this was my son; this was my Nick. I felt him shaking a bit, but I was too and I felt him crying but again, I was too. Tom smiled and hugged him from behind and I could have sworn to have felt Nick smile against my shoulder. I couldn't help but think that the Lucas family was finally full again.

We all pulled away at the same time and I wiped a stray tear from Nick's cheek and I smiled at the soft smile on his lips. He grasped his hand and he looked down at it before holding mine as well. Tom put his hand on Nick's shoulder and he looked over and Tom smiled at Nick and I think Nick must have smiled back because Tom's smile grew.

"You seem calm with this…did you know?" I asked suddenly and Nick looked back to me, smile gone and serious face back. He nodded.

"Joe figured it out and he convinced Kevin and me before the tour." He looked down again. "We couldn't tell you and I can't tell you why." He said, pulling down his sleeve but I knew why; Leon.

"Nick…Do you want to stay with Leon or live with us? You don't have too, you must hate the fact of leaving Leon but…we'd thought we'd ask…" Tom questioned and Nick bit his lip in thought and his eyes seemed to explode in conflicting emotions. "You don't have to answer now of course, but think about it ok?" Nick nodded but I had a feeling he already knew the answer.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ Did I know what I wanted to do? Yes. Could I do it? No. I wanted to stay with my family, where I knew I belonged. But I knew, for their safety, I could not. If I walked away from Leon now, he would make sure they would suffer more before he pulled the trigger and it was bad enough they were already as good as dead. San…Mom smiled sadly and stood, gesturing for T...dad to do the same. Joe and Kevin walked in and our parents left as my brother's sat next me. _

"What was that about bro?" _Kevin whispered and I smiled at them and I wondered if it reached my eyes. _

"They know." _I said simply and Joe and Kevin exclaimed in joy and hugged me happily but I did not share in their merriment for there was a devil out there, watching me, making sure I played by the rules. But then again…I've always considered rules to be more of guidelines that weren't meant to be followed. But would I dare put a toe out of line to risk more than what already was lost? _

_I thought of Frankie and how much life he had left and how it would be my fault if it was cut short. _

_ I thought of my mom and dad and I could almost hear the sobbing over Joe and Kevin's deaths and then dying themselves, and knowing Leon, he would make Frankie watch as I pulled the trigger. _

_But maybe I could avoid that. Maybe, if I am good…maybe it will be ok for Frankie, mom and dad…maybe…_

_If I begged would anything change? If I pleaded for their life with my last breath, would Leon have a heart and spare them? If I gave myself up now, would they be safe?_

"Nick?" _A voice said and with great difficulty I pulled myself out of my thoughts and blinked pulling back as a hand waved in front of my face. _"If you hadn't warned me about this before, I would be worried." _Kevin stated, remembering that day in school. I looked over to him and whispered my apology. _"I thought I told you not to think about it." _He told me and I shrugged, unable to find a way not to think about it. _

_I stood and they stood with me. I walked over to the window and they walked with me. I looked at them with raised eyebrows, they did the same. If this was what it was like to have brothers, than buy me a ticket to crazy town because that is better than this. I shook my head and chose to ignore their oddness. Joe clapped me on the back again and him and Kevin walked away and curiosity got the best of me so I followed and listened to them talk on the stairs. _

"Kevin, I don't know. We have to do this gently. He is hurting, obviously. Just wait for him to open up, don't force it." _Joe whispered and I clenched my fist as I heard them talk about me. _

"Joe, no, we need to take this directly." _Kevin argued and I took a deep breath, not wanting to rise in anger like I did everything Leon talked about me. _

"Look, how about we wait for him to open up? He needs time and patience but not clinging brothers." _Joe said, voice low but I felt the cold _

"No, we should…"

"Talk to me directly about it?" _I said, walking into view and they both gasped and went red and I crossed my arms. I've been talked about too much without my knowing and most of it has been about my future and the conversations I caught always decided what would be done with me. I'm sick of, and even if it's from Joe and Kevin's mouth. My future is my decision, not anyone else's. _

"Nick…" _They both started but I couldn't listen to their explanations. I shook my head and walked away from the stair case and slid down the pole, needing to cool off before I rose too high. I walked outside and ignored Joe and Kevin's calls and started running. _

* * *

KEVIN'S POV

Nick had been gone for a while and I started getting worried but then the door bell rang and I answered it, thinking it was Nick, but no, I soon wished I hadn't.

"MOM!!! DAD!!! JOE!!!" I yelled and they thundered downstairs and Joe screamed.

"Leon! Let go of Frankie!" I yelled and Leon laughed in the doorway, holding a gun to Frankie's temple.

"I don't think so. I have a request…more of an order in fact…" Leon sneered and Frankie shook and whimpered.

"We will do whatever it takes but please, don't hurt him." Mom begged and Leon laughed.

"But of course you will. You will receive a phone call in one minute, answer it but don't act upon it. If you don't, Frankie will be sent back to you in one piece, if you don't, you'll get his head as a memento."

Silence and then the phone rang and Dad walked over and picked it up and put it on speaker.

"Hello?" Joe called.

"Joe?" Nick's voice shook with fear.

"Nick?"

"Joe…I'm in jail for murder."

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Yup I did just do that. Huh…ah well! These last two chapters will be longer than normal but I know you all love that. Until Next Update!_

_NO TIME FOR PROOF READING SO I AM VERY SORRY ABOUT MISTAKES. _


	25. The Trial

**Chibiyu: **_For all of you that were wondering how I got Nick to say what he did in last chapter, I told him I would not write the last sentence or hold Frankie Hostage. What can I say, I am evil._

**Nick: **_Never trust her. _

**Chibiyu: **_Oh hush now. _

_85 REVEIWS?!?!!?! YOU ALL ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!_

_Long chapter alert!_

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_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!_

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~() **KEVIN'S POV**_

**"Hello?" Joe called. **

**"Joe?" Nick's voice shook with fear. **

**"Nick?" **

**"Joe…I'm in jail for murder." **

* * *

KEVIN'S POV

We all paled in color, except for Leon who smiled in delight.

"I swear I didn't do anything!" Nick continued his voice high in panic and fear. "I…I was walking in the park and there were police surrounding my house so I went over and they arrested me for killing Leon…I swear I didn't do it!" Nick said, begging for us to believe him and Leon chuckled softly in the background. How did he do this?

"Nick…" I started but then Leon put his finger on the trigger. "I…I don't believe you." Silence answered my statement and I sat down, hating myself for those simple 4 words that obviously shattered Nick's heart.

"Kevin?" He asked quietly, his voice shaking more than ever. "Please…you…know I…I'm not a killer." He whispered, pleading, trying to make me understand what I already did.

Joe opened his mouth as Leon pushed the gun closer to Frankie's temple and he pulled out a note card and threw it to Joe who caught it and turned green, but he repeated the words anyway, a look of pure heart break on his face. "If you're not a killer Nick, than why did you try and kill yourself?" Joe instantly collapsed next to me and I put my arm around him as he shook with silent sobs.

"J..Joe?" Nick stuttered and we could hear his tears. "Please…I…I…I wouldn't." He whispered and Joe looked up again and stood, looking like he'd rather die than finish reading the note card.

"You would." He whispered and he ended the call and collapsed next to me again, sobbing openly and Leon laughed and pulled Frankie to the door.

"Good boys. Now, stay away from the trial tomorrow and if you tell anyone I am alive…" He smirked, letting the threat hang before he forced Frankie out the door.

"Wait! Frankie, we'll get you safe Tank, I promise." I told Frankie, who nodded but looked rather brave.

"What about our brother?" He asked us and I was confused. "What about Nick?"

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I walked numbly to an empty cell and they pushed me in and I sat on the hard cot, staring at my bound hands, unable to process this. How could they not believe me? I was their brother! They know me! Yes, I've often thought of a life without Leon, but Joe was there when I pulled a knife to his throat and I wasn't able to act more. Kevin was there when we came across a bird with a broken wing while we were on tour and he and I took care of it on his bus until it was ready to be released again. They know I could never stomach killing. They knew I had nightmares of them being dead and I was afraid of the dead. They knew I would never…and yet…why?_

_I was now alone, physically and mentally. Leon was dead and my own family did not believe me. There was no one to help me, no shoulder to cry on, no one to tell me it would be ok. Maybe it was because I would not be ok, not after this. Or maybe it was because they wanted a less complicated life, with me out of it. My mom abandoned me before in that god forsaken park and maybe now she was doing it again; making sure that this time it was permanent. No, I didn't even talk to her on the phone and she seemed too real, too caring to do that to me. But then why? Leon was dead so he couldn't threaten them so maybe it was one of his colleagues? No…Leon liked to work alone…_

_I looked up from my hands and to the shadows on the walls and shuddered, remembering the countless amount of nights I would stare at the shadows and wish they would reach out and bring me to their world; the world of death. But tonight, I wanted them to stay away, I wanted to suffer alone. It was my punishment for dragging Joe and Kevin into my mess of a life. And it felt worse than hell. _

_My heart was broken, all lines keeping me from falling over the edge of my mind and into insanity had snapped; Diane's, Amanda's, Joe's, and Kevin's, all were gone. Only I was facing this trial, but the judge did not determine my freedom, but whether I died with a friend, or died alone. The trial of heart, of mind, of soul and of bonds. So far, I've failed all but one and that last one, the trial of bonds, was almost lost. _

_I still had hope, but very little. My own family believes me a murderer but Diane would see that I am not…But I told her months ago to stay away from me…I hope she ignores those words now because I need someone. But what if no one can? What if my heart remained in isolation? I would surly go mad and die mad and broken and alone…just like Leon wanted. But Leon wasn't alive to kill me anymore and Joe and Kevin were now safe…that was the light in this dark abyss. Meager as it was, it was a still a light that cast away a miniscule portion of the darkness that shrouds my heart. It was enough for right now, to keep me alive in this horrid place, enough to preserve what little sanity I had, enough to keep hope. _

_I looked over to the door as I heard a loud yell and sob and suddenly, everything around me hit me like an explosion. The cries of the innocent and the guilty, the yells of the scared and angry, the silence of the confused and convicted. All happened around me and I shivered from the loud chorus of noise and the lack of heat in the barren cells. I watched a guard pass and I heard many shouts for him to let them out and he walked by my cell again and stopped, looking at me and I looked back, letting the fear and innocence show in my eyes and his eyes softened as he shook his head before walking on. _

_I am innocent; I didn't kill him. I am innocent; I didn't kill him. I am innocent; I didn't kill him. I didn't do it. I could never do it. _

_If only thoughts could keep me company, if only they could keep me sane. _

* * *

_JOE'S POV_

I hated myself and I hated Leon. He played us right into his hands and now Nick was alone in jail and facing murder charges even though we knew he was innocent. And we couldn't do a thing! Leon called us late last night and told us to watch a television station at 7 am, so that is what we all did, missing the company of two very important members of the Lucas family.

"Nate Grey, teenage singing sensation or murderer? I'm Lisa Lisp reporting from 8 Actions News at the trial for Leon Grey's murder. It was reported by the police that investigated the scene that Nate Grey was walking back to the scene of the crime when they found him and they arrested him for his father's murder. According to new information, Nate's finger prints were all over the weapon used to kill Mr. Grey and now, live and the State Court House, Nate stands trial for murdering his father. According to officials, the evidence is enough to deny Nate his rights from the constitution because they will not take any chances on letting an alleged murderer running loose. "

This is so sick and wrong. We watched fans parade around the hall, each holding a sing that read "Let Nate go!" and all of them were chanting it and a few screamed things like "He's not a killer!" and "Nate, we are all behind you!" If only they knew Nate wasn't his real name. But I was with those girls and so were all of the Lucas's. We were all sitting and waiting, watching and praying.

The court house suddenly flooded into view and I wondered how it was legal to show this on TV…and then I realized it was Leon. I've never hated anyone more than I do him.

* * *

DIANE'S POV

I sat in the back of the courthouse, only able to gain entry by showing the guard…that does not need to be said. But I was in and I stood with the others, watching the judge and jury walk in, Leon's lawyer and Nick's and finally, Nick himself was led into the stand. He sat straight and raised his gaze, scanning the audience and looking surprised by the cameras…wasn't that illegal? His eyes found mine and I smiled at him and he looked away. I've never seen him look so alone, so vulnerable. I looked around and saw no familiar faces, no Joe or Kevin, no Lucas family member at all. So he was alone in this…but that doesn't mean he is any less innocent. He swore on the bible to only tell the truth, but would anyone believe it when they heard it?

"Nicholas Grey, that is your full name, is this correct?" The judge asked Nick and Nick nodded.

"Yes Sir." He said, his voice carrying clearly and I was surprised to hear it have a hint of a shake in it.

"Alright. Leon Grey's Lawyer, Mr. Dobson, and Nick's lawyer, Mrs. Tannibum, please approach the bench." They did so. "Now, have you discussed who has the open floor?"

Nick's lawyer smiled and answered and Leon's sat back down. "Nicholas, why were you in the park the night you were arrested?" She asked kindly and Nick took a deep breath.

"I was taking a walk to clear my head." He answered and she nodded.

"Now, I understand you were not staying at Leon's house that night, were you?" She questioned.

Nick shook his head. "I was staying with my friend's, Joe and Kevin Lucas for the three days I have off my tour so Leon could get more work done." He replied, his voice soft, but it still carried well.

"And that night, you were taking a walk coming from your friend's house alone. Why were you alone?" His lawyer inquired and Nick looked down.

"I overheard them talking about me and I needed to cool off, to be alone for awhile." Nick answered and his lawyer nodded.

"Did you enter Leon's house on your walk?" Nick looked up at her question.

"No, I did not."

Mrs. Tannibum smiled. "No more questions."

Now it was Leon's Mr. Dobson's turn. Time for the devil's statement.

He looked to the judge, to the audience and to his opponent before he stood and walked to the center. "Like my worthy opponent, I too have a few questions but unlike her, I have evidence, witnesses and two photos. I will start with the questions. Nicholas," He said turning abruptly to said teen who calmly met his gaze. "Joe and Kevin Lucas, are they here to confirm you are staying with them?"

Nick did not even look to the audience. "No, they are not."

"And why do you think that is?" Mr. Dobson pressed and Nick looked saddened but confused.

"I have no idea but my guess is they did not want the publicity." He said no lie in his eyes and Mr. Dobson smiled.

"Or maybe they knew. But suggesting that is unprofessional so I apologize." Mr. Dobson announced loudly with a very fake smile. "Nicholas, is it true that your walk so between the hours of 7:42 pm to your arrest at 8:50 pm?"

_"_Yes Sir." Nick answered after a second of thought.

"So, did you enter your house between the time of 8:26 and 8:39 pm?" Mr. Dobson asked.

"Objection!" Mrs. Tannibum yelled, standing up and all eyes went to her.

"Overruled." The judge said and he gestured for Nick to respond.

"No Sir, I did not enter the house at all." Nick evenly stated and Mr. Dobson smirked before walking to his table and pulling a picture out of a manila folder. He held the picture to the audience, then to Mrs. Tannibum, to the judge and then to Nick, whose eyes widened in confusion and shock and I gasped. It was a doctored photo of Nick entering his house, looking over his shoulder and glaring at something unseen.

"Evidence says that you did." Mr. Dobson stated. "And if that is not enough for you, I have two witnesses, including the one that took this picture, if your Honor allows them to stand and speak." Mr. Dobson loudly said and the judge nodded and the Bailiff took Nick from the stand and he sat next to his lawyer while a women sat in his place.

"Full Name please."

"Marie Jane Hughes." The women said with confidence and the Judge told her to tell her story. "I was walking in the park, for my daughter and I had a fight and I saw Nick walking right up to the house and for some reason, his posture scared me. I hid behind a tree and I saw his face as he looked over his shoulder, it was filled with rage and hate and he entered the house with purpose around 8:25 pm. I was afraid and curious, so I stayed in my hiding spot and watched the door, only hearing silence. He came out 20 minutes later, a completely different person from when he walked in; he was pale, shaking and terrified and he ran from the house and right passed me and I saw blood on his hands." Marie told everyone and the jury stirred and Nick glanced at them, rather fearfully. Marie was excused and a man took her place.

"Full name please?"

"Horton Jeffery Frankfort." He replied and launched into his story with speed and a hint of nerves, but I could see passed his facade; he was thrilled to be convicting the innocent. "I was walking around the park for my job. I am a photographer and I love nightscapes but I saw Nate Grey and I thought I would make money off of a good picture of him, so I took a few, including the one Mr. Dobson has. I left after he went inside around 8:30 pm." Horton quickly summed up and he was free to go and Nick was escorted back up to the stand and he looked paler than before with terror peeking through his eyes.

"Nicholas, do you still deny that you entered the house?" Mr. Dobson asked.

Nick took a deep breath before answering. "I do deny what is false. I did not enter that house." He said calmly and some of the jury members looked thoughtful while the others shook their heads. I knew Nick saw them and I also knew he saw the evil smirk Mr. Dobson gave him.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I was terrified, confused and utterly alone. I was innocent and yet everyone thought I wasn't. Even with his death, I was still Leon's favorite thing to torture. I was still a caged bird with no means of flying. But I was just better than most at hiding it. But how long could I keep it in? How long would it be before I snapped and dived into insanity? _

_Mr. Dobson returned to the desk and pulled out another picture and showed it to everyone but me and finally, he turned to me, smirking slightly and I cursed Leon as my heart dropped in recognition. It was my old savior, my old friend, my old knife; the one Kevin took from me a lifetime ago. The same object that used to 'help' me was now my doom. _

"Do you recognize this knife Nicholas? It is the weapon that Leon's murderer killed him with. And do you know what else? It was covered in not only Leon's blood, but your finger prints as well." _He paused and looked to me. _"Do you know this knife?"

_I nodded._ "I do sir." _I responded, not nearly feeling as calm as I sounded as everyone seemed to hold their breaths. _

"Then tell me, why were your fingerprints all over it?" _Mr. Dobson asked and I looked down, biting my tongue. How can I tell the world what I did with that knife? How can I tell them what I've been doing for years to save myself?_ "No answer? Well then, I will answer myself." _Mr. Dobson raised his voice until he was yelling in what sounded of triumph and I felt a fire ignite and start fighting against the worry and fear the dominated my heart. _"This teen used this knife and drove it straight through his father's heart. He IS the killer. He IS a liar. HE IS GU…"

I stood and yelled out. "This is why my prints are on that knife! This is how I know it!" _I nearly screamed, forcing up my sleeve and silence rang as everyone's jaw dropped and cameras zoomed in on my arms._ "This is what I used that knife for, but I didn't kill him." _I lowly said, my voice shaking and I felt tears rising but I held them down as I met everyone's gaze, Diane's, Mrs. Tannibum, the Judge, the Jury, and Mr. Dobson, who was starring at my arm in pure astonishment. _

"P…Permission to approach the stand your honor?" _He stuttered and the Judge grated him it and he walked shakily over to me and starred at my arm and looked to me, hand half raised and I bit my lip and nodded jerkily. He very lightly skimmed his fingers over the scars, making sure they were real and he withdrew as if stung. _"No more questions."

_Mrs. Tannibum stood and I sat, breathing hard at what I've just done and shocked at my own daring. But it worked. It may have saved me. _

"Nick…why?" _Mrs. Tannibum asked, looking at the scars and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before starting and opening them. The truth would set me free but it had never been so hard to tell, never so hard to cast of the chains of lies Leon held me down with. But tonight, I held the key, tonight, I would be free. _

"Leon." _I shortly answered to the silence. _"When he adopted me ten years ago, I was happy but things changed when his wife died. He changed and I grew up. In this year alone I've been abused physically, mentally…and sexually." _I looked to my hands, having whispered the last part but somehow, everyone heard. _"For the longest time, doing this to myself, cutting, has been the only way to help and for as long as I can remember, it was the _only_ thing I could do. But recently, I've stopped for good because I figured out its not the only thing anymore and that causing myself pain to numb the ache I held inside, was stupid and it only hurt more than helped. So yes, I was a cutter and yes, that was my knife, but it's not anymore and it hasn't been for six months." _I finished, looking out to the crowd, feeling my bravery die at their disgusted looks but I held the gaze of a very proud one and I managed a small smile and Diane smiled back. _

"Nick…" _I looked over to the quiet voice of Mrs. Tannibum. _"Did you want him gone?" _She asked and I sighed. _

"Everyday. But I didn't do it; even if I held the knife to his throat, I wouldn't have done it. I'm not that kind of person." _I told everyone and Mrs. Tannibum smiled and I looked down to my knees, holding the turmoil of emotions from my face as best as I could, but I knew I was failing. _

"Your honor, I would like to suggest a recess." _Mrs. Tannibum asked. _

"Two hours." _The judge stated and he left and I was ushered into an empty room, to wait, with a silent Mrs. Tannibum by my side. I found myself wishing for Joe and Kevin's company, but then I remembered they believed me to be guilty. _

* * *

_KEVIN'S POV_

Mom and dad exclaimed in terror as Nick showed the world his scars and told his story. I could almost hear Leon saying "Checkmate." The news cast ended and the review and gossip of it started but I turned it off, already feeling sick about what Nick had to do and what people were already saying about him. The door burst open and Mom yelled out and we all came running to see Frankie, unharmed, and clinging to mom.

"Joe?" He whispered and Joe knelt in front of him and hugged him.

"Yeah Tank?" he asked quietly.

Frankie looked up. "He wants you to leave and go to Nick. I don't know why but if you don't do it he's gonna kill Nick."

Joe was out the door in less than ten seconds.

* * *

JOE'S POV

I got to the court house quickly and was only held up at the door Nick hid behind because the guard told me there was only to be one visitor at a time. I waited impatiently, needing to talk to Nick, to tell him it was all a lie, but I knew that would be exactly what Leon wanted but I didn't care! I would not die his enemy!

Someone knocked on the other side and the guard checked through the door hole and let out someone I did not expect to see; Diane. She glared coldly at me and poked me hard in the chest, tears in her eyes.

"You'd better make this right." She turned and walked away without another word and I walked it with a heavy heart and faced Nick.

"Nick…"

"You bastard."

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_Honestly, in Nick's position, what would you have said? Until Next Update, aka last chapter that is not the epilogue. _

_THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH THIS STORY UNTIL THE END! YOU ALL ARE AWESOME!!! _


	26. Who I Am

**Chibiyu: **_Wow, I suddenly know what the real Nick feels like. All of you readers are the best!!!!_

**Nick:**_…try living my life…the part you write, not the happy part. _

**Chibiyu: **_No thanks. _

_93 REVEIWS?!?!!?! YOU ALL ARE THE BEST!!!!!!! LET'S SEE IF WE CAN MAKE IT MY FIRST EVER 100 IN THESE LAST 2 CHAPTERS!!! (Includes Epilogue)_

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_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!_

_()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()**JOE'S POV**_

**Someone knocked on the other side and the guard checked through the door hole and let out someone I did not expect to see; Diane. She glared coldly at me and poked me hard in the chest, tears in her eyes. **

**"You'd better make this right." She turned and walked away without another word and I walked it with a heavy heart and faced Nick. **

**"Nick…"**

**"You bastard." **

* * *

**DIANE'S POV**

I sat in the waiting room, clutching hot chocolate, hoping the act of holding something would still my shaking, but it did not. I hoped that sitting here quietly would alleviate my fears and stop my tears, but it did not. Only one thing could do all that; Nick's freedom.

**-Flashback-**

**With desperation setting in my heart, I all but ran from the court room, knowing Nick would need a friend right now and I was the only one here. And for that reason, I was cursing the Lucas Brothers. I found a guard and he took me to Nick's room and knocked on the door, saying something to the occupants inside and he let me in and closed the door behind me, instructing me to knock when I wanted out. I thanked him before turning around. Nick sat at a table with his lawyer next to him. Both were looking at me, Mrs. Tannibum rather sternly and Nick with softer than normal eyes. I smiled to him and he stood a forced smile on his face. **

**"Diane." He greeted softly and I walked over to him and hugged him gently. "I missed you." He whispered and I smiled, squeezing him a bit before releasing. **

**"I missed you too." I whispered back and he smiled for real this time and Mrs. Tannibum stood and walked out, sensing we wanted to have a private conversation. "Are you ok?" I asked stupidly and Nick looked down, smile fading. **

**"I don't know." He said, sitting back down and I sat next to him, turning my chair so I could face him. "I'm scared, worried and truthfully, I've never felt more alone." He said to his hands and I was shocked he actually confided in me so easily. "Leon's gone and I was with my family but…when I got arrested and called them…" He trailed off, looking more sad and broken than I've ever seen him. "Joe and Kevin answered…I explained to them what happened and they…they didn't believe me. They accused me of being a murderer…their own brother…why?" Nick looked up at me and I saw his held back tears glisten in his shattered eyes. **

**I reached forward and put my hand on his cheek and he flinched a bit from the contact and I refrained myself from cursing the dead. I did not answer because I had none but I held Nick's gaze and he held mine and ounce I saw a module of calm return to them I removed my hand and hugged him, telling him it would be ok, everything would turn out fine and he hugged me tighter at those words. I vowed to myself, once I was out of here, I would personally drop in on the Lucas's and kick their butts for abandoning Nick, their brother. **

**"Are you going to be alright?" I asked, pulling away and he nodded and I smiled but this time, he didn't return it. I looked at my watch and stood. "I have to call Amanda's babysitter. Oh, she turned six last month." I informed him and he smiled. I walked, feeling terrible about leaving him alone again but then I found myself face to face with Joe and anger ignited in my heart. **

**"You'd better make this right." I hissed before walking away, saying nothing else to him, knowing Nick would set him straight. **

**-End-**

* * *

**JOE'S POV**

I starred into the hate filled eyes of my brother as he glared daggers that pierced straight through my slowly repairing heart. I looked away from his gaze, unable to watch how he was clenching his fist so hard that they were paper white, unable to watch him shake in anger, unable to see the accusation behind his eyes. I felt like a coward, hiding behind a lie that hurt us both and yet I was too ashamed to think of anything to say.

"Nick…" I started, knowing it would just be better to say it out right instead of draw it out.

"Why are here?" He cut me off and I looked up and met his glare but I saw something I didn't before in his eyes; fear. What was he afraid of? Rejection? Me? I took a step closer to him and he narrowed his eyes and took a small step back. I said nothing, knowing he wouldn't listen right now to words. He was too confused, too heart broken, too alone and it was my fault he felt this way. I had to make this right.

I took another step and he hit the wall and glared again, but there was still fear in his hard gaze and I took another step and stopped right in front of him and pulled him into a hug. For a second, nothing happened but then he started pushing me away, fighting against me, but this was one freedom he couldn't yet have.

"Let me go!" He hissed, still trying to escape.

"No." I answered and he struggled harder and I pulled him away from the wall so he wouldn't bang on it and make it so I would have to leave.

"Joe!" He said voice cold but I still didn't budge.

"Nick." I replied. His struggles lessened and I felt him shaking, but this time it was from sorrow instead of anger. He suddenly tensed and before I knew what was happening, he pushed me away roughly and I actually stumbled back a few steps before straightening up to look into his murderous and tear stained face. He had been crying?

"Don't touch me, don't even talk to me. I don't want to see you." He growled quiet composed even though tears still shined in his eyes. "I want nothing to do with you or your family any more!" He sneered and I bit my lip.

"They are your family too Nick." I responded.

Nick snorted. "No, they're not. I don't need another family who doesn't stand by my side and who thinks I am a killer. I don't need you or your family so just go home and leave me be." He hissed out and I sighed, having seen the lie in his eyes and I didn't move.

"I'm not going anywhere Nick. Not until you listen to me." I calmly said and Nick turned red.

"Listen to you?!?" He nearly yelled and I put my hands in the air, in a calm down gesture and his lip raised in a soundless snarl. "I don't need to. I know all I need." He said, quieter but it had more edge to it and I nearly shivered from the frigidness of his voice.

"Do you know Leon is still alive?" I fired back, giving up the reasonable brother act and Nick stiffened, surprise flitting across his eyes. "Did you know he took Frankie and threatened to kill him if we left home to help you? Did you??!?" I asked harshly, my voice escalating into a near yell and I watched Nick shrink against my rage, his eyes going wide in fear as he cowered and I instantly felt guilty. I let my anger at Leon get the best of me and it scared my little brother, who already looked so small and terrified. I took a step to him but Nick flinched and I stopped. "Nick…I…" I started but he cut me off.

"He…he's still…alive? How?" Nick whispered, looking to his feet instead of me. I walked over to me and gently put my hand on his shoulder and his head snapped up and I saw his terror.

"I don't know, but he is." I gently whispered. "If he wasn't, we all would have been right by your side, fighting with you, instead of accusing you on the phone." He nodded but pure terror still raged in a perfect storm behind his eyes and I pulled him into a hug again, only this time he didn't pull away. I every softly rubbed his back in circles and ran my fingers through the back of his curls when I felt him shake violently and finally, I felt his tears on my shirt and his arms snaking around my back. It takes me a minute to realize I am crying as well, but I don't know why. It just killed me to see that much fear in Nick's eyes and I was just so mad at Leon and frustrated that I couldn't do more.

He suddenly pulled back a bit and looked at me curiously. "You're crying." He stated, surprised, forgetting his own sadness for a minute as he worried about me. I looked down and one hand went one my shoulder and his other cupped my chin and lifted my face, like I had some many times before for him. "Joe?" He asked quietly and I smiled at his worried expression.

"I'm fine…I just hate this." I replied and he stepped back and but I could tell he understood.

He shuffled his feet before looking at the door. "I do too."

* * *

**_KEVIN'S POV_**

****It was so agonizing, having to wait without word from my brothers, knowing there had been a reason Leon had wanted Joe to go, but not knowing wait that reason was. I watched mom and dad pace, Frankie shake as he watched TV and suddenly, it all became too much. I had to go to Nick's side and be with him. I was going to die anyway so how could this hurt? I stood just as the phone rang and I answered it quickly, hoping to end the conversation just as fast.

"Kevin, you may leave now." Leon's cold voice whispered before he hung up and I yelled to mom and dad what happened and ran out the door without a second glance, not caring in the slightest that I was running right into one of Leon's traps.

A guard escorted me to the room Nick was in and he told me I couldn't go in because another person was in there. I asked who and he said Joe Lucas and I had to prove to him that Joe was my brother by showing him my driver's license before he let me in. I walked in slowly, expecting arm argument but I saw Joe and Nick sitting down at a table, facing each other and just talking. I looked around and saw Nick's lawyer smile at me before going back to her notes and Nick looked up.

"Hey Kevin." He lightly greeted and Joe smiled at me ad I smiled back, hoping he silently got the message I told him. His grin faded into silent contemplation so I guess he did understand.

"Hey Nick. Listen…" I stared, intending to apologize but he held up a hand.

"Save it." He smiled a bit and pointed to a chair next to Joe. "Sit." I sat and turned the chair to them and Nick looked to Mrs. Tannibum and she stood and left. Joe instantly started talking.

"Ok Nick, Leon told us to come here so I am guessing he has something planned. You have any idea?" He asked quietly and Nick looked thoughtful before his eyes darkened.

"One." But he did not elaborate. "Listen, I think after this whole trail thing is over, we need to come clean about everything. I think its time people knew that I was your long lost brother." Nick stated suddenly and Joe and I exchanged glances of confusion. This may be too soon…was the world ready to know that Nick Grey was Nick Lucas?

I opened my mouth to speak my concern and Nick looked over to me just as Mrs. Tannibum walked back in.

"Nick, I am sorry to interrupt, but its time." She said gently and Nick nodded and stood and I saw a slight trace of fear in his eyes. I stood and Joe did too and we both hugged Nick and wished him luck and told him we were right behind him and he smiled, for real this time and thanked us before nodding to his lawyer and walking out. Good luck little brother.

We walked out and found seats next to Diane, who glared at us at first but Joe whispered something in her ear and she smiled and hugged us both briefly before we stood as everyone entered the court room and the judge called it back to order. I was struck at how small Nick looked, sitting alone in the stand and facing many glares and disgusted looks and three smiles. But he looked confident despite the fact of the hate vibes people sent him because he knew his family was right behind him, no matter what.

"Mrs. Tannibum, you may proceed" The Judge stated and she walked over to Nick, both of their games faces on.

"Thank you Your Honor. Nicholas, you have told us before that Leon has abused you in three ways and that you wanted him gone but you hold to yourself that you would not be able to kill him. Why?"

"Even though he has done all of those things to me, he hasn't changed the fact that I am not that kind of person. I hated him, but I would have never killed him." Nick stated confidently and the jury stirred but he didn't spare them a glance. Mrs. Tannibum smiled and sat down, saying she had nothing more to ask.

Mr. Denton stood and walked over to Nick and eyed him closely and Nick looked right back, seemingly unnerved by the stare.

"I have no questions." He said, turning away, surprising the entire court room.

The Judge spoke up. "Seeing as both lawyers have no questions for the accused, has the jury reached its final decision?"

The whole crowd held their breath and Joe, Diane and I crossed our fingers and caught Nick's eye and we saw the anxiety and fear his eyes held.

"We have Your Honor." One said, standing up. "We find the accused…" She trailed off, looking to everyone and finally catching and holding Nick's gaze and my heart was thundering wildly in terror. "Not Guilty." The whole court room breathed out as one and Nick visibly relaxed and smiled his hand over his heart and the women smiled back at him. "Our reasons are as follows; the finger prints lifted off the knife have been tested for an estimated time and Nicholas had told the truth, saying he has not touched the knife in over six months. We all also agreed that killing is not an easy act and that Nicholas had not been lying when he said he is not the kind of person that would kill. Our final reason is that experts have found that the said 'accusing photograph' of Nicholas entering his house is a fake. For these reasons, Nicholas Grey is found Not Guilty."

I wanted to jump up in joy but I had to wait to do it. The court room emptied and we were escorted to the same room as before and we opened the door and instantly, something charged at us and hugged us tightly. That something was a beaming Nick. We all returned his hug enthusiastically before picking him up on our shoulders and parading out, him laughing the entire way.

Before we were outside, Marie walked over to Nick and handed him a message which he read and promptly crumpled and tossed over his shoulder before we left a steaming Marie to storm off, not questing Nick as too the notes contents.

Outside, we ignored the press and set Nick down and he pointed over to a large group of fans and grabbed us, dragging us over to them and onto the raised steps of a monument. He smiled to us and looked to the screaming fans, putting a finger rover his lips and almost instantly, they quieted and camera's flashed in our direction. Suddenly, I knew it was time, the right time, and Nick knew it too.

"Ladies, here is a free man!" Joe shouted and the fans went crazy and Nick rolled his eyes.

"And we think its time for everyone to know a secret." I started and they all hushed up and looked at me with big eyes. "How many of you know that ten years ago, out little brother was kidnapped and presumed dead?" I asked and surprisingly, over 75% of the hands were raised.

Nick finally spoke to his fans and took over the story. "Well, I'm quite happy to announce that my name isn't Nate Grey, nor is it Nicholas Grey." He paused and looked over to us, smiling. "It's Nick Lucas."

Screams echoed everywhere and many fans dissolved to tears and I walked over to Nick and pulled him into a hug that Joe enthusiastically joined. I couldn't believe this reaction from everyone. I expected shocked silence, not erupting shouts of joy and tears. But I wasn't complaining, in fact I was smiling like a fool, as was Joe and Nick. Leon was forgotten for the moment and I saw the real Nick emerge as he hugged random fans and finally rejoined our side.

"I think the JONAS trio should sing a song for these amazing fans." I suggested and Nick looked at me astounded, his smile fading a bit and coming back as he processed this news and his eyes light up like a small child's on Christmas. He hugged me swiftly and I messed with his hair, earning a glare but it was different from the others I received from him, it was one meant for a brother, not an enemy.

"What song do you want us to sing?" Nick yelled, waving his awesomely loud IPod and at once they all screamed different songs and Nick looked to Joe and I for help and with amusement. "I heard World War Three, what do you guys think?" He asked us and we both nodded and he found the song with gusto and hit it.

We sang for the crowd and they sang along. It was an amazing feeling to sing with our brother and be able to interact with him like our brother, especially when he didn't have to outshine us anymore. But this didn't feel right; it was Nick's time, not ours and I would be sure to give him the spotlight. After the song everyone cheered and I turned to Joe.

"Hey Joe, I think Nick needs to sing a solo, after all, it's his day." I looked to the crowd, avoiding Nick's gaze. "What do you guys think?" I yelled and they responded with a massive wave of sounds and I heard a song being shouted out but I couldn't make it out, but Nick could and he smiled and hit play on his IPod again. Unbeknownst to us, a gun was being trailed on the stage and the shooter was someone who was supposed to be dead.

* * *

_NICK'S POV_

_ I stood tall, for once truly happy as I overlooked my fans and knowing my brothers were right by my side. I was no longer tethered by Leon; I was free to enjoy my last days because I knew he wouldn't want me free forever. But it didn't matter. I was happy, I had a family, and I had no fear. I started dancing a bit, getting into it and I thought to Diane and Amanda and silently thanked them both for everything because they both helped more than they knew. Diane was like a mother to me when I ha none and Amanda reminded me of who I truly was, a crucial bit of information I've lost over the dark years. This one's to you both. _

I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I want to break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore  
Nothing is right, nothing is right when your gone.  
I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong  
I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong

I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am

I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.  
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again

I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am

I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am

Yeah, who I am.

_My life story, all in one simple song. But I had someone now. I had Diane, Amanda, Mom, Dad, Frankie, my fans, Joe and Kevin. And they all loved me for who I was. _

_I looked over to my brothers and they smiled at me and somewhere, a girl screamed, but not out of excitement, but of pure unadulterated terror. A bang ripped through the screams and all fans ran screaming and Kevin fell, his knees crumpling and my heart shattering. No…not yet…please no! But begging would be no help. Joe and I ran over to Kevin, ignoring our own safety and we found he was gone, dead. The bullet went straight through his chest and his last smile was still etched upon his face. Joe let out a wordless howl and grasped Kevin's cooling hand and I barely felt my own tears running from my eyes. Leon…I hate you. _

_Another bang tore through the sorrow filled cries and Joe jerked and fell back as I watched the bullet pierce through his chest, an inch above his heart. I caught him before he hit the ground and lowered him down, grasping his hand. _

_Joe smiled to me. _"I'll…see you in…heaven little bro…" _He whispered before something in his eyes vanished and his heart gave out and mine died all together. No…no no no no no!!!! Do it Leon, end it! I don't want to live alone again…I can't live alone again now that I have experience love. Please…please end it…I…I have no will to live without them…they were what kept me alive throughout the six months; the sneaked looks of caring and worry, the silent conversations, the 'accidental' nudges, it all helped and now…now nothing could ever help…but death itself. _

_I opened my tear flooded eyes and met the gaze of my brothers killers, he was hidden away, Marie and Horton next to him, his gun trailed on my chest. I remembered in that last second who I was. I was alone, afraid, young and scarred. I was loved, free, fighting and strong. He pulled the trigger. Who I am; dead. _

_A note fluttered in the wind and words were clearly typed in bold on it as it straightened out enough to be read. _

**_Nicholas, enjoy your last song with your brothers and I hope you said goodbye you your family and Diane. And little Amanda is mine._**

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_*shouting from shelter* Epilogue is coming soon! And no time whatsoever to proof read so ignore the mistakes I surely have made! Until Stories Last Update!_

**Please please please vote for "Breathing Underwater" at h t t p : / / w w w . f a n f I c t I o n . n e t / u / 1 6 2 3 5 0 8 / L o v e d – Invention for Most Likely to be Published!! PM her!!!!**

**VOTING ENDS MARCH 14TH!!! **

**Link is on my profile**


	27. Epilogue

Misc » Misc. Tv Shows » **Who I Am**Author: Chibiyu1. Prologue2. Where Has Hope Gone?3. Tears of a Star4. After Hours5. Tears of Blood6. Back Off7. Silent Cracks8. Hearts Downfall9. Forever Grounded10. Scarred Hearts11. Heaven or Hell?12. Yeah Right13. Deceit14. In the End15. State of Emergency16. World War Three17. Pushin Me Away18. Stronger19. Close Your Eyes20. Shattered21. Old Blue Pick22. This is a Call23. Reality Shatters24. Alone25. The Trial26. Who I Am27. EpilogueRated: T - English - Angst/Family - Reviews: 118 - Published: 01-17-10 - Updated: 03-14-10id:5673627

**Chibiyu: **_What, no death threats, no tears? You all suck…(Not really!)_

**Nick: **_Even I am disappointed for that, don't you love me and Joe and Kevin and Frankie and Diane and Sandy Lucas and Tom Lucas?_

**Chibiyu: **_The dead can't talk Nick._

_100 REVEIWS?! YOU ALL ARE THE BEST! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND **THANK YOU!**_

**_THANK YOU ALL THAT VOTED FOR "BREATHING UNDERWATER" IN THE HMA AWARDS. IT WAS AN HONOUR TO BE NOMINATED AND TO HAVE ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT._**

_I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!_

* * *

_LEON'S POV_

_My world was perfect. Nicholas was Satin's burden now and so were his idiot brothers, his parents, Diane, and I even killed Stella Malone and Macy Misa for kicks. I smiled as I heard their screams, their begging for mercy I would never show, and I laughed as I remembered the perfect feeling for their blood splattering against my hands as I fired my gun right in their overly large hearts. The soft don't live in this world, they were proof of that now._

* * *

?'s POV-TEN YEARS LATER

I sat on the ground in front of the graves of people I wasn't supposed to remember, but each of them was etched into my memory and how could they not be? The wind picked up and my purple hair flew around my head and my short skirt blew in a not so innocent way but I didn't care. I was told to dye my hair, but needless to say, _he _wasn't very happy with any of the colors I chose but what did it matter. I had nothing, no one, and he had everything. But tonight, that would change.

"Yo, here's your order Wolf." Tiger said as he came up behind me, his striped hair blowing and I stood and took the paper bag, not needing to look to know what was in it. I nodded to him and he ran off.

I touched the top of the grave in front of me. "I'm sorry Nick." I walked over to our new house in Texas, happy that bastard moved to the place Nick was buried but also sickened because he loved the constant reminder of Nick's death. But tonight, he would never smile again. I threw open the door, fire raging through my veins as I thought of Nick and the suffering I had been to young to understand that he held inside and what I now had to deal with. I threw open the door, and faced him in, the lights dimmed enough to see but not low enough to impair my perfected aim. I took the gun from the bag and cocked it as _he _turned and smiled. I prayed for confidence, for strength, for mercy on my condemned soul.

"It is passed your curfew dear." He said lightly, ignoring the weapon in my hands.

"It's passed your expiration date Leon." I coldly replied and he smirked.

I looked around the room, quite unsurprised to see the pale and unmoving bodies of Marie and Horton. All that he associates with dies, it is how his life works but not another drop of blood will be spilt, except for his own.

"Come now, you really don't want this do you Amanda?" Leon whispered, his hand going behind him to his own gun.

"I do." I pulled the trigger and hit him straight between the eyes and his whole body stiffed and he fell as the evil light left his eyes and the devil claimed his as his own.

But just as I pulled the trigger, he did the same and he hit me and inch below the heart, but I lived and agony, slowing feeling my life fade like glowing embers lose their light. I fell back, not feeling the pain of hitting the ground or of the wound; all I felt was cold and all I saw was dimming blackness. I closed my eyes and smiled, the deed finally done. I avenged Nick, Joe, Kevin, Frankie, Stella, Macy, their parents and my own mother, and now, I could join them in peace.

Who we were; happy, together, dead.

* * *

**Chibiyu: **_I am proud of this story, it turned out EXACTLY how I wanted it which never has happened before and all of you supporting me has been just amazing. Thank you all and I am so glad you all enjoyed this story, Who I Am._


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